It hurts so much :(

Dorman010 · 2011-05-17T11:35:20+00:00

What you've got here, my good man, is what we call oneitis. Read more here.

I've been in somewhat the same situation as you. Not exactly the same, but close. It was with a friend of mine at a youth movement - really liked the girl. There was a one-month trip, and she said that if I won't come, she won't, either. I took that as a HUGE sign that she likes me. I tell her I like her. She says she doesn't. In the middle of the fucking trip.

Now, you listen up, and you listen up good. What you are going through is perfectly normal for many people.

We're not going to tell you 'There, everything will be fine'. There is only one way for it to be fine - and that is for YOU to take matters into your own hands. Start by understanding the basic things. We can offer you tools, we can be your peers (r/seduction is about more than just picking up girls - it's a complete lifestyle), but we will not sit you down on that comfy chair and listen to your problems with a patient smile.

That's reserved for r/depression and r/offmychest.

In r/seduction, actions speak louder than words.

So, tell me, what kind of advice are you looking for here exactly? Do you want to simply fuck a random girl? Do you want to enter a long-term-relationship with one? Do you want the basics of seduction? I will tell you one thing - there are no silver bullets, and pick-up lines don't work. It's all you, baby.

It's all you.

2011-05-17T15:09:42+00:00

this bitch offered me this false hope then tore it to shred with a smile and "I'm sorry" is just beyond belief.

Whoa, slow down there. Why the misogyny? You have this all backwards.

She's all over me, leading me on for a number of weeks, eventually kissing me and insisting that she stay over at my house. I don't let her
...
It takes me 5 weeks to pluck up the courage to tell her [that I like her]

So basically, this girl threw herself at you and you rejected her. Then you wait 5 weeks before you finally man-up and do anything about it and you are surprised she has moved on? Did you think she was going to sit around and wait over a month for you to make a move? And then you call her a bitch? You need to adjust your attitude.

In most cases a high-quality girl is only available for a very short amount of time. If you don't act quickly then she will get hit-on by hundreds of high-quality guys and eventually she will choose one to start dating. Don't blame her because you were too afraid to go for her.

You need to practice. Go out, meet women, talk to them. Don't worry about sex, relationships or anything. Just introduce yourself to lots of women and have 10 minute conversations with them. Don't get so wrapped up in a single woman or a single interaction.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-05-17T11:34:38+00:00

No, she didn't offer you false hope, and she's not a bitch. YOU blew it, not her. She made herself available to you, and you did nothing. So she moved on because she thought you weren't interested.

So stop being a wuss and learn how to escalate, and express your sexual self with a woman. This should be your wake up call. Some guys need a slap in the face before they realize something is wrong. I know I did.

surfsupNS · 2011-05-17T15:40:40+00:00

Dude, if a girl shows genuine interest In you, and you have alot in common, and see a good relationship potential, the worst thing you can do is wait. Plenty of girls are a little involved with more than one guy at a time, and if you don't accept her advances, she will move the fuck on. This exact same thing happened to me last spring. I learned my lesson the hard, painful way the Same as you. If she us making moves, it's because you are not. Next time make the moves, and win the girl.

doomgoblin · 2011-05-17T14:42:31+00:00

I think you're putting the pussy on a pedestal. Girls are people just like guys, don't be afraid of them because they look a little different. Look that girl already threw herself at you trying to stay at your house, you said you were being a gentleman, but I think you were being a pussy. Stop being afraid.

Sorry, I know it sounds harsh.

MaysonNSS · 2011-05-17T15:48:20+00:00

I know your pain all to well my friend.. I like you experienced this same result time and time again and each time I became a little more calloused toward women.

The first thing is to understand that scarcity breeds obsession. When you do not have a healthy dating life and have no potential partners you tend to fixate yourself on that one person who shows you interest. You analyze them, ask for expert advice, talk about them with your friends and stalk their facebook in hopes to find out something you can do to “get them.” When scarcity becomes a part of your life then obsessive behavior is sure to follow. This scarcity also lies to us because it tells us that by not doing these behaviors we will never stand a chance, but the irony is by doing these behaviors we cause ourselves great suffering and ruin any chance of developing anything with that person. Neediness is the most unattractive quality one can possess but scarcity thrives off of it.

You need to learn how to change your behaviors with women if you want a different outcome. Until you attain meaningful, consistent success in your dating life with the type of person you desire, you through your own inexperience will limit your ability to find the type of person you want and sustain a healthy relationship.

stayhigh · 2011-05-17T16:03:39+00:00

r/relationshipadvice is a good place to cry about girls. this post made me depressed and now i'm going to go back to work.

2011-05-17T16:38:24+00:00

You are looking at the situation from your perspective, you need to put yourself in her shoes.

Your perspective:

A male
An intelligent nerd (everyone on reddit is a nerd, including me)
Not so social (again, we're on reddit).
Spends a lot of time in front of the computer, or indoors.
Doesn't meet a lot of people.
Undeveloped social and emotional intelligence skills.
Most of your hobbies probably don't include meeting new people or being super social.

Her perspective:

a female who has probably been hit on over 500 times by the age of 19.
Has advance social mastery and emotional intelligence skills probably since the age of 16
Doesn't spend a lot of time in front of the computer.
Always out and socializing with new people.
Her hobby probably involves talking to her friends and socializing.

Suppose you swapped the attributes around, you're a male that's always out, doesn't know what reddit is, always meets new women, always chatting with people for fun. Would you care about what a single girl wants from you when you're meeting 5-10 new girls a week? Probably not, you'll go for the first girl that gives you what you want.

Don't blame the girl, blame the social life you've built yourself.

KobeGriffin · 2011-05-17T16:45:27+00:00

Have to strike when the iron is hot my son. Walk the fine line between forcing something and being a pussy.

Be the man you want to be. There is no try.

reph · 2011-05-17T16:23:50+00:00

Oh, dude. Internet man-hug.

You will get plenty of good advice here. Mine is simple: never directly tell a girl you like her. It tips your hand and destroys her fun. She wants a guy moderately out of her league, that she has to go through a pattern of positive and negative emotions -- with an uncertain outcome -- to get. Game is all about creating this experience for her.

heresmokethis · 2011-05-17T16:32:08+00:00

First off, I feel for you man. It sucks to be rejected. However, think about it from her perspective. She kissed you and tried to stay at your house.

Basically, the subtext there was, "I'm gonna have sex with you." And you said no. Think about how much it sucks to have your sexual advances rejected. Now multiply that times a million, and that's how badly a girl takes it. She probably cried for hours after you shut her down. You humiliated her pretty badly.

But there is a lesson in everything. Moving forward from this, know how important it is to continue escalating. And even if you shut her down that night, you needed to fuck her the very next day.

Title	It hurts so much :(
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	26
Date	May 17, 2011 11:21 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hdaiy/it_hurts_so_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/it-hurts-so-much.1318364 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318364

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