It's all the same now...

James_Bob_007 · 2022-03-12T08:18:14+00:00

Imo, it is way easier to get sex than a relationship.

A lot of people think that if you get sex = that is a win. If you only wanted sex, then ok, it is a win.

From my experience, to get sex, it requires less skills than to get a relationship.

To get sex: you "only" need to learn some game, improve cockiness, confidence, avoid some basic mistakes, learn to lead a semi-decent conversation, not be needy/a creep/too emotional, escalate and that's it. You will get some results.

If I would use numbers/or coins which you need to earn (like in videogames), from 1 to 100, I would say it this way: 1) 1-49 coins earned = no attraction. 2) 50 coins earned = she is attracted to you. 3) 60 coins earned = you can kiss her. 4) 80 coins earned = you can have sex with her. 5) 100 coins earned = you can get sex and she genuinely likes you as a person and wants to actually date you.

So, my point is: a relationship is a bigger achievement (and harder to get) than sex. Waaay bigger.

To some extent: game is cheating, full of tricks and can be learned/faked. So, to get sex, even if you are not a cool guy, you can fake it and trick a girl into creating some attraction and having sex with you.

On the other hand, to get a real love, you need to offer more than tricks. You can't "trick" a girl into love. You need to create a more honest connection with a girl. But also: let's say it this way, out of 10 girls: - 5 girls won't like you at all - 2 girls will kiss you but won't have sex with you - 2 girls will have sex with you, but won't date you - only 1 out of 10 will feel a true connection and be a good fit for you and she'll both have sex and date you

During my journey I went through the same stages: 1. not getting girls at all 2. learning game and tricks 3. getting some girls, mostly average looking and not too cool 4. getting hotter girls, but it was usually 1-2 dates, sex and she would reply: sorry, this won't work. 5. eventually I reached a level when I managed to attract hot/interesting girls, have sex, create a deeper connection, get a true relationship with her/them.

In my case, the answer was: 1) while texting or flirting in the early stages = use game and the basic principles. You can't be too honest or too emotional right away, they will just ghost you. So, the game really works in the early stages. BUT, once you do create some attraction with game, then slowly add more bits of your true personality (a famous: be yourself). For example, if she already likes you, slow down with negs, cool answers, passing shit tests, keeping your frame 100% or trying to escalate as soon as possible.

When I was getting "only sex", my behavior on dates was: oh, I have to chit-chat for 15-30 minutes, then add some escalation and man to woman conversation, then try to kiss her, then try to get her home and have sex.

So, my whole plan was built around tricks and sexual escalation. My goal was to kiss her and escalate. I didn't think too much about her love for art, music or traveling. Or if we talked about art, I talked about that only to make her relaxed and to be able to escalate 10 minutes later. So, my conversation with her wasn't genuine, but a part of game-plan, how to make her smile and relaxed and how to escalate. Now honestly, you will get sex. But did you offer anything to her personality wise? Not too much. You were just cool, confident, smart guy who turned her on, made the right moves and had sex with her. You didn't offer much of a deeper connection.

Later, I changed my approach to: ok, I will date only girls whom I find both attractive and interesting to talk to. And then my approach on dates moved to: let's go on a date, and my only goal is = to make her laugh, to have a genuinely nice time. And to date her only if I genuinely do like her and if I genuinely enjoy talking to her. So, my goal went from having sex at all costs = to create a better connection with an interesting girl and to actually genuinely laugh and talk with her as a person.

Results? You get sex either way, at a date no2 or no3. You will get a 2nd date way more often. A lot of them will like you as a person and want to date you long term.

But again, you can't do it with ANY girl. More or less, you CAN "trick" 10-30% girls into having sex with you, based on your game. But you can get only 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 of girls into a relationship.

So, if you have 100 matches, try to find 2-3 girls who really share common interests with you and have a similar type of humor. On those girls you can use game, attract them and THEN create a honest, deeper connection.

But if you try to get a relationship from any random girl you meet, it won't work. Why? Because the game works only for creating an initial attraction and to turn her on. For more than that, you'll need a mix of game and your personality. And as explained above, not everyone will truly love your personality. Only rare ones will do.

Good luck

BlackMag1c · 2022-03-12T04:55:07+00:00

This post is so accurate for me, it makes me feel like my personality is wrong or that I'm doing something wrong, I don't know of it's me or the city in live in, I live somewhere very expensive a lot of girls that I talk to (in person) literally tell me if I know a sugar daddy for them lol

And I can't even afford rent in this city let alone an apartment.

Maybe I just say too much about myself? I don't fucking know

I thought getting a relationship would be easier than a ONS but my god I was totally wrong

Baadepapa22 · 2022-03-12T08:24:49+00:00

I won but at what cost?

recyclablebanthas · 2022-03-12T07:38:50+00:00

1

After a certain number of women, it just becomes so meaningless, it feels samey and bland, it feels like there's no excitement.

This feeling is common if one has fallen into a pattern of pursuing things they don't actually want.

It's also common for men to define their manhood according to their ability to keep meeting and hooking up with new girls.

What's lost in the shuffle here is the fact that it's a slightly different process pursuing a relationship, as opposed to pursuing casual sex, which goes in hand with continually hooking up with new girls.

2

I went on a date with a girl from Tinder and we ended up back at mine, had sex, etc..... there were red flags raised throughout and I agree that long-term would be probably very wrong....

To a degree, this thing is always going to be a consequence of dating. There's always going to be a screening process. The issue here is when there's a pattern of always getting the same result.

That's when you got to take a look at what you're doing and rule out things you might be doing that are contributing to consistent results.

3

Honestly, this subreddit is not necessarily the most well-equipped to address your question. A lot of guys here aren't in a position to even understand your post and will interpret it as either a problem with your game or you complaining about nothing.

(Which by the way, please report those comments that fall under those categories because they're out of line.)

4

I love getting to know people and spending time with them.

How do you guys cope with this? Is there a way to cope?

It's a little unclear what you're actually doing right now to meet new people. Can you elaborate on a few things so we can get a read on the situation?

Are you mainly meeting new women through online dating apps like Tinder?
What does your social life look like?
How many different social circles do you have?

5

Do I just never sleep with someone again until we're both surely committed to one another?

There are some things that can be helpful for what you want.

A.) Hitting the reset button is sometimes good to do. It can be really easy to lose sense of who you are, what you're doing, and what you want when you're constantly jumping from girl to girl.

B.) It's common for a lot of dudes here to not feel right unless they're on the prowl.

But it's important to be able to get to a place where you give yourself permission to take time for yourself. Treating yourself to a night in, can be absolutely wonderful and grounding.

C.) On a related note, it can be important to occasionally chill things out on the dating end of things.

Hitting the reset button can mean backing off for a time. Cutting all current girls off and just hanging out with your good friends for a few weeks.

D.) Taking a different approach where you don't necessarily push for sex as hard, is certainly an option. A lot of people who are up for casual sex will screen themselves out if you take your time a bit

E.) On the subject of taking a different approach, it's important to realize that there are a lot of behaviors which we identify as "needy" in the seduction community, some of which are merely oriented towards seeking relationships.

There's a certain collaborativeness & vulnerability present in serious relationships that the seduction community has often labeled as "oneitis."

Which is not exactly the most helpful philosophy because it can lead to someone unintentionally adopting behaviors that signal to anyone they date, that they are only out for casual sex.

6

// Well then to make it more interesting try to fuck girls out of your league

One way that some guys try to deal with the problem you're describing, is trying to up the difficulty curve and seek greater excitement.

This won't really address the issue of you wanting deeper connection, because this path actually leads to more people who are casually minded.

7

// When a woman doesn't want a repeat performance all it means is that you were bad at sex.

There are plenty of reasons why people don't go for a repeat.

They're cheating on someone and don't want to leave a trail. (This one is pretty freaking common.)
If one's game is good enough, the girl might not realize how incompatible they are until the morning after.
If one or both people realize they aren't looking for the same thing and that they're not compatible, good sex doesn't compensate for that.

saulisdating · 2022-03-12T10:03:47+00:00

You feel empty PRECISELY because you believe in leagues and play “in and around your league.” At some point it becomes dull.

Start going for women who you think are “out of your league” (hint: they aren’t but you just think they are) and you’ll start feeling much more alive because of the new excitement and new “dangers.”

As for the “it all ends in sex instead of relationships” part; that’s because you’re stuck in your routine and you know exactly what to do to get laid and just do it automatically now. So make an effort to connect with the person on a deeper level and go for the deep and meaningful conversations after a bit of small talk and banter right away, to see if you’d actually LIKE to hang out and would have fun hanging out with that particular girl long term. Imagine if you had to be stuck with that person for months and go from there. Basically, screen them for long term potential HARD. For YOUR sake, until you find one that really clicks with you.

Source: been with over 500 women and it was exciting all the way through. Eventually settled down.

2022-03-12T04:34:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

aznkor · 2022-03-12T05:47:45+00:00

Was there a good connection? You only talked about the physical part of the encounter, and not any connection that was emotional, intellectual, or spiritual, etc.

2022-03-12T04:21:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lady_Cloud0579 · 2022-03-12T09:16:43+00:00

OP what has happened on your dates as you say believe me happens more than you think: I will give you these tips: -Leave online dating for a while. -

Have sex until after 4 or more dates.

-Get out of your usual "type" you may be surprised by the variety.

-Eliminate an ideal let things happen over time, don’t rush..

-If someone you are interested in striving to know emotionally first believe it is better to do this first.

-OP tries to meet people in bars, events, parties believe me I prefer direct contact before asking them out.

-Dating apps will always show you a face and many will only go for sex have it always clear. If you want other OP details if you like DM as it would be very great comment

rohankent · 2022-03-12T09:20:42+00:00

Quit tinder. You’re on the wrong app. Try Bumble or E Harmony!

evetrapeze · 2022-03-12T09:34:52+00:00

Maybe if you are so successful at getting dates, it's time to invest a little more time getting to know someone before the sex, maybe wait for a second date? Are you mostly just having sex one night with these dates?

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-03-12T12:38:09+00:00

You didn’t seem like you were really that into her to begin with. Women can sense these type of things when considering spending more time with a guy. Don’t try to force something that isn’t there because you’re lonely

NoDatabase1552 · 2022-03-12T07:50:11+00:00

You've the ability to be pleasant and charming to women you don't care about. You've lowered your standard. You've sold yourself out cheap. It feels empty.

The alternative is you increase your standard and you won't connect with anyone, again doubting what's wrong with you.

My rule is, if I am with a woman for X-amount of time, and it doesn't work out, I'd rather sex not be involved. X is about 3-5 months for me. A lot of them put up a front, trying to impress with a false image and agreeable opinions first 6mo or so anyway. Figure out what X you're comfortable with.

Title	It's all the same now...
Author	ForTheLoveofGeese
Upvotes	39
Comments	23
Date	March 12, 2022 4:07 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tc8213/its_all_the_same_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/its-all-the-same-now.1264785 https://theredarchive.com/post/1264785

Comments