This is not a post about my one or two sucky nights or the fact that I missed out on getting a couple numbers, this is something I've noticed as a whole.

A couple months ago, when I was still in school, I used to be THE SHIT. I said whatever I wanted, did whatever I wanted, every shit-test was a challenge in disguise and every new opportunity to make a friend or approach a chick would get me excited. I was awesome and people loved me as well as I loved myself. Now it's like I'm a whole new person. I'm SUPER polite with people, I worry what people will think, I do give a fuck, I've lost my conversational skills and the only time I'm having fun is when I'm drunk. Wtf is up with me?!

Examples:

1

I went to a friend's cottage. He brought up all his friends (some guys, some girls) and although I was already friends with some of them, I became the introverted shut-in that didn't say a word. Seriously. The only time I talked was when people needed help or when I had a beer in me and when I did talk, it was never anything that gave people value or fun; everything was either really mundane or something just to say something. I was barely giving people eye contact either. I could tell by the second night that people were starting to really dislike my company.

2

I went to an insane party the other night. There were definitely way more girls than guys and alot of the girls were hot. I couldn't for the life of me say anything to start the conversations. It used to be as easy as me walking up and saying "I like pickles" or whatever came to mind. Not anymore! I didn't even have the cojones to introduce myself to my friend's friend (smoking hot HB8). I walked in, said hi to my friend and COMPLETELY kept my shy fucking face away from her. Eventually I could tell she was like 'wtf?' and said "Hi, I'm blahblah". Made me feel like such a giant pussy.

Most times when a conversation is going on, I'm in my head thinking about theories than I am living. I know exactly what I'm supposed to do (ex. throw a neg, tell a story, reframe) but I don't know what to say. I'm scared to say "hey this reminds me of blah blah blah" because I feel like I'd be stealing someone's thunder, I stopped trying to be the center of attention, which is a good thing to a degree, but most times, I avoid the spotlight. I used to be the guy that RAN conversations. I used to be much more alpha and I know that's an overused term in the pickup community, but I was actually the leader of men. People used to look up to me and come to me for advice. Now I'm the one in the group that if you aren't talking to me first, I won't say anything. I have a few reasons why this is happening: I'm broke and jobless at the moment so I'm going out alot less than I should, I'm hanging out with not-so confident people and I'm online more than I am off but I feel like these shouldn't be reasons why someone loses confidence.

Here's some more shit just to put it into more perspective:

-I used introduce myself to my friends' friends. Now I wait for them to approach me because I'm too scared to say "hi, I'm stupidquestionsss. What's your name?"

-I used to tease the hell out of girls, regardless who they were with because it was fun for me and I was really good at it. Girls used to love me just because of how 'fun' I was but it wasn't like we were skipping rope or anything, I just knew how to banter with them and have fun verbal fights. This alone used to get girls on my dick just because I got them smiling so much. Now I tread water very lightly because I'm afraid of my friends getting mad at me or getting called out and not having shit to say.

-I used to love fucking with people. Even when I wasn't trying to pickup anyone, I would fuck with people's conversations just to have some fun. Of course I would do this in a playful way but nonetheless, it wouldn't matter if people liked me or not, the only thing that mattered was my fun.

-Conversations used to be my strong point. I had problems escalating sometimes but I was proud of the fact that I could keep conversations going with anyone and that I was good at them.

-Women used to be much simpler to me. Say this, do this, respond like this. It was actually easier than that if that's hard to believe. I just knew how to be on 24/7.

What the fuck is up with me? This is pretty much how I acted all throughout high school. I was so happy when I realized I was nothing like my high school self anymore. Now I'm falling into the same habits. Sorry bout the long-ish post.