So I'm in a new city for uni and I don't know anyone, my uni is hosting an event for freshers however and I'm not about to sit in my house doing nothing so I decide to head down on my own. As soon as I walk in I see lots of little bubbles of people chatting away. I go grab a beer, turn around and just walk up to the first group I see asking their names and if I can tag along, they all say yeah and we get chatting. After a chatting for a bit they seem a bit flat and not really talkative so at some point I duck out to another group where I meet a girl who is receptive and fun, we walk around the event chatting and getting to know each other and I grab her details before she goes off to find her friends.

I go grab another beer and again just turn around and talk to the first group I see, it's a bunch of guys but we really hit it off with shared interests and I end up sticking with these guys for a bit as we chat until the event is over. There were some cute girls nearby so I try to recruit these guys to go wingman with me but they weren't as socially confident I guess and didn't want to. Afterwords we go to a club where I meet the girl from earlier and all her friends, had a great time dancing and bouncing between sets. I didn't want to get too drunk so I left early without pulling but still had a great time.

Here are some observations and tips:

  • As soon as you walk into a venue, open a set, you are going to be doing this at some point during the night anyway so why would you want to spend any time lulling around getting more anxious and nervous. Walk in, see a set, open.
  • Some will fizzle out, not really rejections but she's just not interested, same principle as above spend as little time as possible lulling around and open the nearest set.
  • You need to become a master of inner game and realise that anxiety and nervousness is a choice you make. Now I know that's going to piss a lot of you off but it's true, you choose to perpetuate behaviors which reinforce your anxiety and nervousness instead of changing it up and doing things which hype you up and make you feel good. You choose to assume that girls won't think you are attractive, you choose to stand around instead of warming up socially. Learn which behaviors are likely to hype you up as opposed to bring you down, that is, talk to lots of people, be open, maybe even do some rediculous dance moves on the dance floor. At one point during the night, I had this random group of people I had never met before standing on the tables dancing like crazy. There were a few who were not feeling it but as soon as I convinced them to go wild they totally loosened up and had fun. Choose to not to give your anxiety and nervousness any room to grow, take responsibility for your mood. Go talk to someone, go dance, just do something.
  • Use a principle I call, assuming the best scenario. Instead of manufacturing the worst case scenario in your head, "I'll go up to her and shell reject me, everyone will see and it will be so embarrasing". Just assume the best scenario instead, "I'll go up to her, say hi and she'll be thankful that finally a cool guy has introduced himself, we'll hit it off and it'll go really well". Our brains are hardwired to assume the worst for survival but it's not a true reflection of the world. The vast majority of people (including all the girls you want to approach) are really nice and kind. It's far more likely that things will go really well or they will just be good. Remember, everyone's a human just like you, see through the stereotype and connect with them and they are likely to do the same with you.