"Why do you feel such a need to connect with them right away? Why are you TRYING to connect with them, that kind of defeats the purpose of connecting with them, no?

You connect with people by being open yourself first. If you go into an interaction thinking, "I gotta get this girl way invested in me, I gotta get her to open up about her passions and dreams and fears" then you're just going to put pressure on her and she's going to bail. You go first. And you don't force it. You just do it casually, as part of being who you are. "

Why would he say you're not trying to make a connection? Isn't that the whole purpose? And how are you supposed to get them to open up about their dreams, fears and passions if you don't ASK. It seems socially weird to just start talking about those things first without them asking you. How is the topic ever supposed to come up