Miserable and depressed

yellowfart · 2015-05-16T01:53:13+00:00

You are a programmer, so I guess you spent a few years learning how to code. I bet it wasn't that easy, it was sometimes boring, and sometimes you hated it and felt like giving up at some point. But you made it, congratz! Now you have to learn another skill, it might be hard if you start from 0, you will fail A LOT, you will hate it sometimes, but once you get better you will fucking love it! Do you have any friends? If not, get some. If yes, go out with them, do stuff, be busy as much as you can! Good luck man, I know how it feels.

The_Coolest_Guy · 2015-05-16T03:45:12+00:00

Hey man, Ive been there. I used to feel depressed and never get any girls and watch porn all day. Good news- this doesnt last forever. First off, cut the masturbation and porn. Cut it. Its fucking hard but it teaches you self discipline and if your only outlet is women then you will try harder for them. This will act as a catalyst for your self improvement.

Then, start putting in effort to get girls. Talking to girls is fucking scary, most guys would rather get punched then cold approach a 10. So start off slow and work your way up. First, force yourself just to say hi to girls every day. Next, have a casual conversation. This effort will snowball your confidence.

The primary thing you need to do is stop making excuses and start trying. You will get rejected a lot but the rejection carves you into a confident man.

caesarfecit · 2015-05-16T00:24:55+00:00

Meditate.

I don't mean become a Buddhist or go all monk, I mean simply get in touch with the element of our mind that is more ourselves than anything else: the awareness of your own existence.

This is how we gain detachment from the bits and pieces of our mind from which we construct our identity and beliefs, then we can examine them with clarity and mindfulness. None of these things would truly exist to us without self-awareness. Without consciousness, we are animals, utterly subject to our mental programming. With consciousness, we gain awareness of, with it a degree of control over our mental programming. This is how we survive hardship and misery that would otherwise scar us for life. We will never have total control over our mind, just as we will never have total control over reality itself. But the more conscious we are, the more we are the captain of our destiny, rather than merely the ship our fate sails upon. Again, it's not that these things are wrong or useless, just that they are extensions of us, not us ourselves. What makes us who we are is our sentience, everything else within our minds is a product of our sentience, knowingly or not.

And this is how we gain detachment from our drives and desires. So that we can control them and use them, rather than be used by them. Anyone who seeks to eliminate or purge his desires is a fool. A man without desires is a man without motivation or purpose, and therefore a man without identity. The only thing more foolish is to allow ourselves to be controlled by them, as they will always pick the simplest and easiest route, regardless of the consequences.

You are miserable because you have not reached the point where your consciousness is the equal of the things that can cloud it, namely our mental constructs and our drives. I haven't reached that point either. But I do know that until we do, our efforts to be less miserable will be frustrating and slow.

masterrod · 2015-05-15T23:36:55+00:00

I would first stop masturbating.Easier said than done.

When you think of you need masturbating do something else. ANYTHING else.

I don't really think you're at the ready for PUA after two years. I would work on simply meeting new people in new places. As your comfort grows, then you should be able to learn to escalate.

LvPocketRockets · 2015-05-16T07:08:13+00:00

Would it be such a terrible idea to pay for a massage ot hire an escort just once to get some physical affection so you're not counting the days since you last got laid? I'm sure focusing on that is going yo make you seem desperate. There's tons of good advice here on the long term solution. Maybe you can set some short term goal and reward yourself with some professional services for making progress..

fosterbuster · 2015-05-16T09:21:15+00:00

Most PUA material is shit. It really is.. If you ask for reading material on the IRC you will get the same recommendations again and again. Many of them not even directly targeted at the PUA-community. Thats because most PUA-material is shit.

First of all; I stalked your profile - Sorry to say this but girls will not look at you more or less because you masturbate, or dont. You might start looking more at girls, and being horny is a good way of coming out your shell. But NoFap is no magic pill, far from it.

Most modern PUA stuff, is about becoming a confident man - Being assertive and bold. These are not hard concepts to grasp, or even grasp why it might be effective in winning over the affection of the opposite sex.

Second - Loose the mentality of this being difficult and complex. This is a selflimiting belief... The core concepts of this stuff really isnt either of those things.

Third - Im a programmer myself. And thereby I know a lot of other programmers.. Most have the belief that girls dont like "nerds". Heck I used to believe that myself.

This is simply not true for the vast majority of girls - Girls fucking love guys who are enthusiastic and passionate about something. Most programmers are.

I realized this by going on the seddit IRC some two years ago. I had just been on my "first date", since getting out of a relationship that was detrimental to my selfesteem. Anyhow the date was a disaster - When she asked me what I do, i replied that I did.. She asked if I was a nerd. I quickly refuted that fact - Started mentioning that I didnt play WOW or any of that shit bla bla bla...

So this guy told me just to own it -Fuck yes I like programming, fuck yes I like playing videogames, fuck yes im a nerd - Let me tell you about how cool it is.

And for all the other dates I have been on it has been fucking gold. Girls love when I talk about shit with a passion, and they can see that it is sincere.

So my recommendation to you; Read Models by Mark Manson and How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnagie. And be confident, and never apologize for who you are. Only be apologetic when you fuck up, and do something bad.

CPU8U · 2015-05-15T23:30:39+00:00

You're as worthy as you tell yourself man. Listen to some Gojira.

Title	Miserable and depressed
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	May 15, 2015 10:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/364032/miserable_and_depressed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/miserable-and-depressed.1304619 https://theredarchive.com/post/1304619

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