Hey guys. I'm Dev.

Through great effort and my obsessive tendency to dive into subjects, I've figured a lot out for myself in the realm of courting/dating, flirting, understanding women, etc. & have mastered several aspects of the game (I'd never consider my journey of understanding, over)

That said, I'm much more proud to have made and helped several friends with this journey in real life. There's nothing like taking a guy from feeling genuinely clueless, depressed, and convinced they just aren't attractive to women, to feeling like he's a stud who knows what he's doing.

I've been able to help both guys I know, and don't know, initiate such positive change in this area in real life, and I see the benefit of helping spread the knowledge more widely. I wish there had been more people spreading this knowledge when I was learning - especially more people spreading the knowledge in a palatable way, because there's so much cringe out there.

I wrote 5 drafts and about 10,000 words of this, but couldn't stop revising, trying to be both politically correct enough while also being honest and providing effective, actionable advice...

Then I realized I might as well just put it out and let you decide what of it is helpful for you, and what isn't.

If you care about improving, and want to help, just make something of it - whether it's **** or gold, let me know.

Ask a dozen follow-up questions, tear it apart, whatever - you won't hurt my feelings :)

7 Things Most Men Misunderstand About Understanding Women

  1. If you don’t "get"/attract women, it’s not your fault, but it’s your responsibility to change that - and the good news is, you can.
    1. Being able to attract women is not just something you’re born with.
    2. Your ability to attract women is typically based more on what you do than on what you have.
    3. This means that reliance on OR especially negative self-talk about things like your height, looks, smarts, facial features, etc. are just going to distract you from what’s truly important.
    4. It’s best to leave these thoughts behind at the start of this journey, and focus on the choices you make, not what you did or didn’t get, for no effort.
    5. The only real roadblock holding you back from “getting” women is yourself.
    6. If you’re not living the life you want to (in this area or others), are you ready to make a change?
    7. Your current beliefs, mindsets, and ways of thinking have gotten you to exactly where you are today.
    8. When you find a way to accept uncomfortable change for yourself, you’ll have found the answer to getting the life you want.
  2. Women are different from you, especially in their ways of thinking, behaving, and communicating.
    1. Learning how to attract women effectively typically requires some shifts in your mindset and your ways of thinking.
    2. First, women think completely differently than men, which arguably causes most of miscommunications and misunderstandings between the sexes.
    3. In short, women typically involve more emotion in their thought processes, and weigh emotion more heavily in their choices, behavior, and communication.
    4. Men tend to communicate more directly, and women more indirectly. Even though men tend to be more direct, women actually tend to be more effective communicators, as they consider emotions more in communication.
    5. Women’s somewhat heavier reliance on feelings in their thought processes tends to seem tedious and illogical to men, however if you open your mind, you may find as other men have that women’s thinking is like its own kind of logic.
    6. Women do tend to understand men better than men understand women, although they tend to be slightly overconfident in their understanding of men - they think they understand you more than they think they do, even though they probably “get” you more than you “get” them -- I heard this at the beginning of my journey, and have generally found it to be backed up by experience.
  3. You should almost never take what a woman says at face value.
    1. Women say things in different ways, for different reasons than men do.
    2. Women typically consider more factors in what they say and how they say it, than men do - particularly feelings.
    3. Women tend to complain that men are dumb, or “don’t listen,” and men tend to complain that women are dumb, or “are crazy.”
    4. This makes a lot more sense if you understand men and women, and how they routinely misunderstand each other.
    5. It’s pretty simple - women say men don’t listen, and men insist that they do listen, but that women are just crazy. In reality, women think listening means “understanding,” and men think listening means “hearing.”
    6. Men usually under-interpret what women say, typically taking the literal meaning out of the words, and ignoring everything else.
    7. The problem is, to a woman, listening means understanding what she says. Hearing is just hearing. Not only that, but women don’t just want you to understand what they say, they want to Feel like you are listening to them. They want to feel listened to, because when they feel listened to, they feel understood and important.
    8. This is a 30,000 foot view, but it’s a start.
  4. You should never ask women for dating advice, about women
    1. This probably sounds counterintuitive - after all, who would know a woman better than a woman? Seems logical. Actually, it’s only logical if you don’t understand women and how they think, behave, and communicate. If you understand women well enough, it’s just a rookie mistake.
    2. Even at the beginning of my own journey, I read about this phenomenon and didn’t believe it for even a second. Having what I thought were uniquely reliable, intelligent, and woman-savvy female friends, I made the mistake 3-4 more times before I realized how insidiously terrible the advice generally was, by nature.
    3. Similarly, when you ask a woman what they’re looking for in a man, you’ll notice that what they describe often has little to do with the men they ultimately choose. Case in point.
    4. This is probably one of the most controversial ones on this list, but if you’re at risk of going the “I know better, let me just try first” route like I did, just think of it this way - how many times has the woman you want to ask for advice ever had a crush on a woman, successfully courted her, dated her, slept with her, etc.? Just checking.
    5. How well do women actually understand women? Not a question I’m going to dig into here, but a good one to answer for yourself throughout your journey.
  5. As you can probably already tell, understanding women and how they may differ from men is not always, er... politically correct.
    1. Our societal stories have become very emotionally heavy regarding the ideas of offending people, being this thing we’ve invented called “political correctness”... The good intentions are probably there, but for our purposes, we’re just going to acknowledge that nature is not politically correct.
    2. Just because men and women are different doesn’t mean one is better than the other - and if you believe the contrary, it will tend to lead to adverse outcomes. Plus, it will end up coming across, if only to the people who are perceptive enough to notice it about you. Just not a good look.
    3. Avoid falling into the trap of thinking that any way of thinking is better than any other. No matter what differences you discover between men and women, or any being and any other - simply focus on being a sponge, and imbibe the best of what you find, to continually become the best you can be.
  6. Understanding women better should not only improve your life, but the lives of all the women who come into your life as a result.
    1. Make sure you use your newfound understanding for good & growth, not hurt or petty feeling good.
    2. Avoid explaining any of the underlying dynamics to women, including those mentioned here as well as those you discover on your own.
    3. It’s very easy to be misunderstood, especially given the nature of some of these. Check #5 again - that alone will make some waves depending on who you share this knowledge with.
    4. In addition, no one likes feeling analyzed - as you learn to understand people better you may get more and more chances to figure people out. It’s important to keep these mostly to yourself, as people get creeped out if you understand them better than they understand themselves.
  7. No one system, strategy, method, course, will change You, which is what really must change. Ideally, think of your journey as an unending process of understanding - constantly expanding.

What do you think? What's unclear, unnecessary, or missing? Is all this obvious?

What of this is most helpful, or what WOULD be most helpful, for you?

Planning to create a company to teach this, so I'm interested in all feedback. Your opinion matters to me

What other questions do you have?

Ask Me Anything