My confidence is completely gone

Drakenyo · 2018-03-21T12:23:05+00:00

Go to the gym and become a guy that attracts people in general. Even if you're a 9/10 achieving a rock hard/huge/jacked physique will put you into the top 2-3% of men. Wear clothes that accentuate that physique. What kind of music do you like? Go out to concerts/shows every weekend. It doesn't matter if you don't even like the band/act. Chill in the smoking area and start chatting to people, who you will see again at other shows etc. You will meet like minded individuals and women. Go to music festivals. Start making money as a hobby or get a job you feel awesome and badass at. Develop goals. Move to or near to the city. Get out there.

There are so many things you can do to improve your chances with women. I have built myself up from less than nothing (serially depressed since my teens, suicidal for a few periods) and have now noticed that people actually respond well to an energetic, confident guy. I have a long way to go still, but for the first time in a while I am hopeful about what the future may hold.

Xanarxses · 2018-03-21T14:16:11+00:00

I've recently come to one blatantly unpleasant realization.

I had a thought yesterday "Man it's been so long since I've been with a girl I can't even fathom myself being with one anymore. It's just unbelievable to me at this point."

Lo and behold, the solution that presented itself in my head was simple. Shut the fuck up, suck it up and approach girls.

All of your doubts, fears and all of the stuff holding you back has only one solution.

Turn your brain off and do things. Get a list of habits and a list of goals. And stick to them.

That's literally the only solution. You're not gonna get some sort of magical spark all of a sudden.

markemusic · 2018-03-21T17:43:21+00:00

Why are you depressed? Are you focusing on other people's needs instead of your own? Usually that's the case for me. Do whatever tf you wanna do dawg. I'm serious. Jim Carrey said it best depressed can also be looked at as DEEP-REST. You need yourself now more than anything. Do what only makes you happy. Be selfish it's okay to be sometimes.

Radicalmattitude1 · 2018-03-21T17:12:58+00:00

Hard to tell what your situation is exactly. But it sounds like a problem that many guys experience. Especially when you had success in high school or university.

Once you have success in a certain situation, its easy to become invested in the idea of yourself - ie. invest in your ego - ie. become dependent on your success continuing.

Once you enter a different stage in your life, the situational confidence that you just had in high school/ university ect. plummets. Because you were so emotionally invested in the idea of yourself (instead of your true character), your self-confidence gets shattered.

The good news is that everyone has this tendency to some extent. It’s extremely hard to eliminate all ego gratification, it’s human nature.

The bad news is that most people don’t consciously realize their own outcome dependence and situational confidence and they oscillate through periods of feeling alright, at least, stable (when things are going well) and then feeling like the scum of the earth (when things are not going their way)

How to combat this ego validation death trap?

There’s no hard and fast way. But a good place to start would be these two things in order:

Self Love
Character Development

Self love is what keeps you going when you fuck up repeatedly. Character is the result of keeping your cool and doing what needs to be done even when the house is burning down around you.

Nicks1234 · 2018-03-21T17:57:46+00:00

One of the worst things you can do (in this situation) is to stop going out. You are more than likely rusty when it comes to talking to girls. SO with that being said, the first few times you go out might be rough but you will break through that if you go out consistently. Shoot to go out 3 days in a row. Now, this doesn't mean you have to go to a club or bar or even go out for 2 hours. GO out anywhere that you can meet girls and talk to them for 3 days in a row. I wrote an article that I think might really help you https://mysimpleconfidence.com/how-to-get-over-social-anxiety give this a read and email me at [email protected] if you want me to elaborate or go into more specific depth, or even if you just want to run anything by me. Hope this was helpful man, good luck!

exaltedviews · 2018-03-21T17:26:39+00:00

It happens to all of us OP. Definitely, go to the gym and force yourself to go out you'll feel a lot better for it. Read this article The Law of Attraction: Attracting Luck it can help you to create a winning mindset that will make all the difference. We become what we think about, so by thinking great thoughts you become great.

childishgames · 2018-03-22T02:12:29+00:00

The ego is the number 1 thing that fucks most guys (myself included) up in game.

Your ego is getting in your way. You're still stuck in your high school mindset thinking you're too good looking and cool to get rejected. So now you're too scared to approach because then if you get rejected you internalize that as meaning you aren't cool/good looking anymore.

Fuck that, fuck your ego. Go get rejected. Or go get laid. It doesn't really matter because you're the same person no matter the result of the approach.

GuyFromDaStore · 2018-03-21T23:17:53+00:00

Stop listening to your mother.

plowzedong · 2018-03-22T01:57:09+00:00

Quit being a pussy who dumps your emotional garbage on other people

2018-03-22T06:43:59+00:00

Try jacking off and porn less.

Xanarxses · 2018-03-21T13:11:09+00:00

Multiply your insecurities by 100 and that’s how a regular woman feels every single day. Why do I say this? It means no matter how terrible you may feel, you’re always going to be more confident than her. Now go approach!

Title	My confidence is completely gone
Author	sandynocheeks66
Upvotes	37
Comments	20
Date	March 21, 2018 11:50 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/861g4f/my_confidence_is_completely_gone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-confidence-is-completely-gone.1443500 https://theredarchive.com/post/1443500

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