Need support Seddit. AA and Alcohol.

markyb303 · 2014-10-02T16:09:48+00:00

I had this exact same challenge.

In high school I was very shy and introverted and had to learn how to be social without alcohol. I wasn't getting the results so I had to break down what aspects I needed to work on. I just wrote a blog post on this today so I will copy and paste some elements from it here that may apply to you.

Most of the content about dating is written for outgoing people who like going to the bar. For someone who is shy or introverted, this is a death sentence. If you hate the thought of going to the bars or any kind of social event that you aren’t interested in, you don’t have to.

You do however have to put in the work to get to a level of social comfort. Evaluate where you are on the social spectrum, this will help you identify what areas you need to improve on

Can you talk to any stranger on the street and carry a conversation?

Do you have visible signs of being nervous when interacting with strangers? (Sweating, averting eye contact, fumbling of works)

Are you able to make people you just met laugh?

Wherever you are at, you can improve any aspect.

Step-by-step guide to improving social skills

I came up with a step-by-step list of things to work on to develop social fluency when I was younger. These are all steps that require you to get out of your comfort zone a little bit each time. The good news is that if you continue to practice and develop these things over time you will become more confident and comfortable in social situations.

Start with social situations that you know the other person will have to interact with you. This means the check out clerk at the grocery store, your waiter, or any other business transaction. For most shy guys you always wait for the other person to interact with you first.

You first challenge is to greet the person BEFORE they greet you. Simply say, “Hey, how’s it going?” and let them respond. Pay attention to how you feel in the moments leading up to before and after this event. If you felt nervous before you greeted the worker, continue to practice this each day until you feel comfortable.

The next challenge is to smile at strangers as you pass them on the street. You don’t even have to say anything to them at. What you will notice is that people will smile back at you, some will even say hello. The purpose of this exercise is to get you comfortable with social situations where the other person doesn’t have to interact with you. Again, pay attention to your comfort level leading up to before and after each event. Once you feel comfortable with these situations you can move on. For some people this will only take a few interactions, for others it might be a few weeks.

While working on the previous scenarios, practice talking to someone at your work or school who you already know. Pick someone you have had very few or no interactions with. You will mutually know of each other, which will provide some level of comfort for the both of you.

Approach them with a smile on your face and ask say, “Hey, how’s it going?” and let them respond. After they respond say, “Got any big plans for the weekend?” Let them respond. The goal of this conversation is to go off easy topics that everyone talks about. You aren’t digging into their personal lives or talking about politics. Cater your response to their weekend plans. You can acknowledge that what they are doing sounds like fun. If they say they aren’t doing anything say, “Relaxing is one of my favorite things to do.” After the interaction you say, “Cool. Well it was nice talking to you, I’m going to get back to work / class.”

These challenges helped me improve my social skills dramatically over time. A lot of people don’t like small talk, but it serves a very big purpose. You are developing a common ground between you two, which is why you talk about topics that effect everyone - weather, sports, weekend plans, how their day is going. This develops safety and understanding between each person.

TL;DR - Working on your overall social skills will help you with talking to women. It also helps to join social groups that you already go to. Since you go to the gym join a group fitness class where you are around women. Exercise provides the same endorphin release that alcohol does, so you will feel more relaxed after a workout to talk to the women around you. A bar is one of MANY places you can meet women. Don't feel like that's only place you can go.

whatisurgame · 2014-10-03T12:10:28+00:00

I have been thinking about this same thing a lot lately. Looking back on all the girls that I have ever tried to pick up, successful or not have been while drunk (in a night club/party), it's the only time I find myself in a situation where I feel comfortable.

The question I have is.. is this a bad thing? Is it something I absolutely need to change? It works so why should I?

I myself am a shy/introverted guy, and I don't think I could ever approach a girl on the street with confidence, hell I went shopping alone the other week for clothes and I felt awkward even talking with the shop staff. Not something I'm proud of but hey it's just the way I am.

When I am drinking I can hold a good conversation with almost anyone, I magically LOVE to dance, and have no fear of getting rejected. It works well for me, I've hooked up with maybe 10-15 girls, taken a few home, had long term relationships as well. After the initial meeting I can go on a date and talk to them usually quite easily.

Yeah I rely on alcohol to meet girls, but is it really that bad?

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-10-02T16:27:21+00:00

LOL you remind me of my favorite episode of The Norm Macdonald Show. Norm gets caught up in an alcoholic's binge drinking and ends up with him in rehab. Norm decides it isn't so bad when he discovers hot women in the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and they describe all their sleazy action while they were drunk. He finally picks one up and they get rather far into a date when she says it's an AA rule, no sex for the first year (yes many AA groups do this).

niczar · 2014-10-03T14:21:17+00:00

Do you lift?

Title	Need support Seddit. AA and Alcohol.
Author	alwaysandalways
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	October 2, 2014 3:59 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2i3mbz/need_support_seddit_aa_and_alcohol/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-support-seddit-aa-and-alcohol.1377429 https://theredarchive.com/post/1377429

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