Some time ago, I wrote a post on this sub in which I expressed my intention to begin an exercise in which I went out and approached women each weekend until I had approached 100, and asked whether it would be acceptable for me to post nightly accounts of such ventures on this sub in order to keep motivated (SelectSelect75 (u/SelectSelect75) - Reddit). All of the commenters expressed that this would be acceptable, so until someone else tells me otherwise, I will continue doing this. The following post comprises account #15.

Context and goals:

I did not receive any advice to the effect of having done anything wrong the last time, nor that I ought to try anything new the next time. As such, tonight, I only added a very minor goal – changing venues midway through. Other than that, I did not change absolutely anything. I would be going to the exact same initial place at the exact same time, stay out for the exact same length of time, and do the exact same things. I would open with something observational, quickly establish a false time constraint, smile, maintain eye contact, talk slowly, talk deeply, try not to say “umm” or “err”, try to make an assumption and/or make them laugh each time I managed to get a conversation going, and test for compliance each time I managed to do so. Hopefully, I would be able to get to this stage more times than I did the last time. I would approach a minimum of 5 – although I suspected that I’d inevitably end up approaching more than that; it always turns out to be easier once I get there.

Account:

Not much to report tonight. I did 7 approaches.

  1. Set of 2. I approached right at the moment it turned out they were leaving to go somewhere else.

  2. Set of 4 – celebrating the birthday of one. Had a lukewarm conversation but couldn’t manage to make them laugh.

  3. Set of 3. They actually invited me to join them, and I had extremely good chemistry with them. It felt natural – the conversation flowed and I was able to make them laugh with zero conscious effort on my part. They said that they were bar-hopping. I spent the better part of an hour talking to them, likely cutting into my approach tally, but did so because, in light of them saying that they were bar-hopping, I wanted to see if I could get them to come with me to another bar. If I achieved this – getting a set to venue change – it would constitute a major success on my part. Alas, they eventually decided they’d rather stay put. I tried to get the numbers of two of them, but both refused. Eventually, two of them left to go to the toilet, where one of them got sick, and the other summoned the remainer to come and assist her. They asked me to reserve the seats for them, but after they didn’t return for 10 minutes, I left.

  4. Set of 2. Immediate rejection.

  5. Set of 5. The music was booming, they were more interested in dancing, and I couldn’t get a conversation going.

At this point, I changed venues. The first bar I went to next was deserted. The second bar was moderately busier. It turned out to serve a drink which I’d always wanted to try but which I’d never seen served before – absinthe – and on a whim, I decided to order some. I also did 2 more approaches.

  1. Set of 3. Immediate rejection.

  2. Set of 2. Had a lukewarm conversation with one of them, and was able to get a few laughs. Tried to get her number, and got it. Texted her a few minutes afterwards, and she texted back.

Reflection

Don’t really think I learned much tonight. I know I’m repeating myself here, but I’ll say it again: the trade-off for a younger crowd at a later hour is a much louder environment in which it’s much harder to get a conversation going, and I’m not getting to the stage of making them laugh and testing for compliance as frequently as I’d like.

One thing that I continue to be struck by is my sheer nonchalance at approaching even large groups of attractive women. Is this really something that other men struggle with? To me, approaching is the easy part. It’s actually getting anywhere after an approach that takes effort and skill.

Should I bother trying to pursue things with the woman whose number I got? If so, I think I’d better do it quickly – we only interacted for about ten minutes so I doubt she’ll remember me for long. If so, when should I do it and what should I say?

Tally:

Primary goal: 100 approaches.

Secondary goal: 1 date.

Tertiary goal: 100 immediate rejections.

Temporary goal: make 30 women/sets laugh.

Approaches: 78.

Immediate rejections: 18.

Conversations: 36.

Laughs: 7.

Phone number rejections: 20.

Phone numbers: 5.

Dates: 0.

Sex: 2.

Relationships: 0.

Breakups: 0.