No spark

axe122 · 2020-01-15T02:33:39+00:00

Your not escalating, your idea of a good date is probably I line with the cliche tv or movie date and societies general idea of a good date.

You probably go out do an ass out hug, compliment her, walk into a restaurant and ask a whole bunch of questions about her, her hobbies, what she likes to do for fun, your getting to know her. You crack a few jokes and she laughs, yous have a lot in common and she things your attractive physically as you do her, you may even get a kiss at the end of the night (first date) and you go home text her tell her how great a time you had she says she had fun too and you never hear from her again or she tells you no spark,no connection or your really sweet but I see you as more of a friend.

All of this is huge waste of time as your putting yourself in the friend zone. You have to create a spark it’s super rare that it just there. That usually only happens when they find you attractive enough to make it easy for you.

Having a ton of things in common, being physically attracted to you and learning all about each other doesn’t equal connection or spark.

You shouldn’t interview a girl on a date, it’s equivalent to being at a family party, being stuck in a boring conversation with an aunt or uncle who’s nice and you like but don’t wanna talk to. You see your cousins in a fun conversation to your left and just wanna get outa the conversation your in and join the fun one.

This is what it’s like for women when you interview them on a date or initial encounter. If she’s on a date with you she already views you as a potential sexual partner or she woulda never gone on a date with you in the first place.

Girls don’t go out with guys they don’t see as a potential sexual partner partner and when you get the first date and not the second they stoped viewing you as potential.

Sex comes before a relationship so even if you want a relationship they have to want to sleep with you and actually sleep with you. (Unless your following religious guidelines)

Your being waaaaay yo nice and overly respectful. Your also showing all your cards and telegraphing to much interest. I won’t compliment a girl directly until we’ve already been dating and I know she’s hooked and chasing me. Your also probably chasing them post date and texting the very next day, always being the on initiating.

Go have fun on the date ask a few questions and tease her on some of her answers, sexually escalate, banter with her take her home.

This was my first date with my current girl.

My current girl I kissed within 5 min of our first date(this was a solid 5-8 second kiss open mouth no toungue though , I asked her about 5 legit questions a few silly ones (like if you had to fight a grizzled bear or tiger) something silly as it’s co friend with my personality teased her stared deep in her eyes and was seducing her across the table while sexually and physically escalating. 3/4 into the date I got up from the table walked over and kissed her again 5-8 seconds open mouth and a touch of toungue bit her bottom lip, I pulled back sat down and continued to banter with her in a seductive deep tone. Ended the date first, I paid but I made it known if we decide to go out again she can get the next one.(key word is if) got up took her hand and led her though the busy restaurant to the parking lot. Once we hit the lot I asked where she was parked walked her to her car and had something in between a kiss and makeout, pulled back looked into her eyes like I want you, kept my hands on her waist the whole time. Went back in for another kiss (not quite a full makeout but toungue) Bit her lip pulled back and said you wanna come over and attempt to watch a movie? She jumped at the chance took her home sat on the couch, told her to come sit in my arms, I didn’t even get the tv on and she was mclimbing on top of me, slept with her then watched some tv after with her laying on me. Kept flirting and bantering a little, before she left I told her to text me when she got home safe. She went home text me that night (this gets her reaching out first after the first date) she said she had An amazing time I said “yeah it was okay.... 😝😂” using them emojis to let her know I obviously had fun and am just teasing but it leaves a hint of doubt that it’s possible I was being serious.

I ended the conversation by saying okay I’m gonna go to bed I’ll talk to you later. I was gonna wait a day or 2 to text her but she reached out next afternoon at about 2pm so I responded teased her a bit and told her I had to go back to work. I didn’t text her at all unless I was responding to her texts after about 4 days I asked her when she was free to get together again. She gave a date I repeated the same basic process and been with her since.

My general rule of thumb to tell if I like a girl is if I still want to hang out with her after I cum and am not laying there like fuck how do I get outa this. A lot of girls I thought I’d really like and free sex I’m laying there planning how to break it with her. Thats typically how I decide if I wanna give a girl a legit shot and try for something real with her.

Girls aren’t perfect princesses who want to see how good a guy you are before they sleep with you. Your literally talking them outa liking you and when you chase them your chasing them away. You don’t need to get to know them before you sleep with them, you’ll get to know them over the course of dating them and find out if your compatible over time. She really only had to know enough about you to tell her girlfriends what you do for work, where you grew up and maybe something yous both like. Building comfort doesn’t mean getting to know everything about her. It’s getting her comfortable in your presence, comfortable with your sexual advances and having fun with you in general.

You gotta act indifferently interested. Like you’ll be happy if you see them again or if you don’t but your sorta leaning more towards the side of liking her although shes still not sure 100% on that.

You gotta give her time to think about you after the date and unless she reaches out first give her a few days. Every girl says they want a guy who texts the next day yet they rarely date or sleep with that guy. This goes double if you didn’t sleep with her on the first date!

I’ve got girls doing the standard tv /movie idea of a date style I listed in the beginning. It was like waiting for a girl to find me hot enough and good enough on paper while actively looking for a boyfriend to get a second or third day. Same goes for any sort of relationship. I wasn’t the chooser I was waiting till a cute one chose me. I would go on tons of dates hearing or getting the same response you did and it sucked.

I lost a lot of opportunities with girls who I woulda been much more compatible with and generally ended up going with the first cute who wanted me.

Since I changed the way I date and am way more aggressive and just flirt and have fun. I’ve slept with 99% of the girls I took out and wanted to continue seeing. It’s literally been the difference between me being chosen and choosing them as well as them choosing me.

I also dated all the girls for at least a month if I didn’t end it sooner and got to know them over time. I added that cuz not one of them got the buyers remorse thing.

If your overly respectful and super nice always putting them on a pedestal, you gotta start acting much more aggressive. Mix the way I suggested with some of your current style and you’ll end up with a nice balance and will end up putting off more of a boyfriend vibe instead of just friend vibe.

They are bailing ghosting or saying no spark cuz they view you as just a friend and they are looking for potential sex of a relationship. Going out with you again is a waste of their time as they no longer view you as a sexual option. It’s the same as when they won’t go out with a guy in the first place her didn’t make the cut and after your date you didn’t make the cut either.

Holy shit that was long but I went through the same shit in my mid 20’ s and know I could help, I just wanted to be detailed as most people give bad or un detailed advice like “just be yourself and you’ll get the next one” when it keeps happening you gotta look inward and realize what your doing isn’t working.

Captain_w00t · 2020-01-14T22:53:01+00:00

Without teasing, flirting and seduction in general, there are near to zero chances to light a spark.

You basically build comfort, that’s a good thing, but you need to spark attraction, showing you’re a man that desires her (I’m not talking about alpha/beta bullshit, but something similar), build tension, physical escalation, etc...

Otherwise you’re playing in the friendzone while her is looking for a different person.

STD_Tyler · 2020-01-14T22:58:01+00:00

Hard to tell the reason, they just don't like you, which is ok in online dating. Maybe you are needy, trying to have an outcome with them, and they sense your neediness. Maybe you are trying to sell and qualify yourself? Go out, have fun, be outcome independent and screen/qualify the girl. Has the buyer mentality, you are screening if she is a good fit gor you , not the other way around. Girls sense these sub communications...

Various-Replacement · 2020-01-14T23:11:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Tyrion69Lannister · 2020-01-15T02:24:42+00:00

Keep in mind it might not be the escalation. In fact, women will go as far as initiate escalation if they find you attractive enough (trust me, they'll make it really easy for you). Can you think of any other reasons?

axe122 · 2020-01-15T04:24:11+00:00

I mean if that works for you, I did get some girls in the past with the whole slow roll thing 2nd 3rd date. I’ve only had a few girls come over via online dating even. When your saying they think the only thing you want is sex, even if you plan on not sleeping with them when they’re at your place, what do you think is going on in their heads? It doesn’t matter what you offer going over to a mans place 9.9 outa 10 times means sex. So I’m lost on your approach here as to how this works for you. If they come over they are expecting to fuck you, then you don’t fuck them, then you invite them over again and fuck them? I’m legit asking cuz while I don’t plan on changing my style as it’s working so well and I’m not gonna fix something that ain’t broken I still enjoy hearing other guys techniques.

I guess if your super confident and have a lot of experience they don’t leave with this mentality but I always tell beginners to always go for the kiss on the first date, reason being they are putting off probly a slightly nervous vibe and when they don’t go for the kiss on the first date the girls gonna think 1 of 2 things, he either isn’t into her or low confidence. Then when he texts her that night and next morning it’s clear to her what it is.

Insaneflirt_max · 2020-01-15T06:14:52+00:00

Things you probably do wrong :

You don't lead enough

You don't escalate enough

You don't make her talk about herself

You talk more than her

You don't hold the tension

You don't hold EC

Here are your fundamentals. Get them all right and you'll get laid on first dates.

Title	No spark
Author	Various-Replacement
Upvotes	2
Comments	37
Date	January 14, 2020 10:04 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/eoscro/no_spark/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/no-spark.1488484 https://theredarchive.com/post/1488484

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