"Not tonight"

loganedwards · 2014-10-23T10:40:04+00:00

Take the frame back from her.

Play it cool on date 2 and don't push for anything. When it starts getting a little hot, push back a little.

Act like she's the one that's pursuing the something physical/sexual, but you're playing coy, not so sure about it tonight.

A little of that goes a long way though. Don't overplay that hand.

Its like trying to grab a cat and making it sit on your lap, they just jump right off.

Play it cool and the cat comes and jumps on your lap, then you push the cat off. Cat jumps right back on.

Gentle push back on anything physical or sexual and see how she responds. Most women aren't used to that. They'll try to exert their sexuality more strongly if they want it.

Mechanickingpin · 2014-10-23T10:32:40+00:00

Be patient. You'll get it.

alaver · 2014-10-23T18:30:26+00:00

You are in, all you have to do now is Not Ruin It lol. Go on your second date JUST like you did in the first one, if it got you a devilish smirk "not tonight" then you did good.

I am in a similar situation... we've made out a few times only... after second date she said "i shouldn't drive after drinking", to which i replied "yes, please do us a public service and spend the night next time:, she said "yeah, sounds good... but not funny business though"...

haha she is agreeing to spend the night while still pretending like she is all innocent. I am on a good track, but just like you... I just have to Not Ruin It... lol....

wish me luck, and good luck to you..

recyclablebantha · 2014-10-24T02:03:03+00:00

First date: made out, dry humps, touched titties. No sex. "Not tonight" with devilish smirk.....Second date: will there be sex?

What is the strategy to follow when they won't give it up on the first date? Attraction and comfort is already established.

Girl is obviously trying to demonstrate she isn't a slut or wants to keep you interested.

You're on the right track here but a few corrections:

She isn't trying to "demonstrate she isn't a slut." It's not about showing you something. It's about the line that women have to walk so they don't feel like sluts for fulfilling their sexual desires.
Attraction has been established but comfort is NOT quite there yet. If it were then all her clothes would have come off by now, to be blunt. So why isn't it there? Well, reading between the lines of what you have said, I have a possible answer.
At this point, it's not about trying to keep you hooked or interested. It's more about her comfort with having sex.

This isn't about "taking the frame back" from her. This isn't a contest. Seduction is about a team sport and you'll "win" more if you can balance what you want, with what SHE wants. If you can give that to her, she'll give in return.

Now you left a lot out in your post, but it comes off like you were so excited about what you were getting, that you unplugged your awareness from her. And a girl's going to notice if you've suddenly become so fixated on getting in there, that you're dry humping her and going straight for her tits, etc.

Or who knows, maybe you did everything right and she just needed to take a step back so she doesn't feel like a slut. Or she just wanted to do a final check to see if you could handle being put off. Honestly, being told, "not tonight," is not as demoralizing as you seem to have taken it. In fact, unless the encounter was coming to an end at that point, you still could have had fun and possible had sex that night anyway. If you'd been respectful about the boundary that she had just drawn.

But it sounds like you took her at her word and just shut everything down on your end when she said, "Not tonight."

You don't need to play any games here. Just realize that you're on this second date with a girl with whom stuff has happened with. If you're hanging out at her place or yours at some point during the next date, then she knows that sex could happen and she likely wants that. Show your desire confidently. But PAY ATTENTION to her while you do. If she pulls away briefly or says to slow down or stop. Do so, but realize that it's probably only a delay before sex.
Let go of the need for it to happen and enjoy the ride: there's nothing wrong with playing and teasing her physically as long as you can keep it within the boundaries she has set. You can respect her boundaries while also driving her crazy enough that she'll just jump you or tell you to jump her.

Title	"Not tonight"
Author	SociallyOkwerd
Upvotes	1
Comments	8
Date	October 23, 2014 10:17 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2k30wg/not_tonight/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/not-tonight.1378484 https://theredarchive.com/post/1378484

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