Post Break UP, Lost my MOJO

waterpanther · 2016-12-22T15:46:26+00:00

Maybe take some time off and go hit the gym really hard and focus on things that you really enjoy and may not have had time for?

t_11 · 2016-12-22T15:13:57+00:00

Well don't punish yourself because you couldn't perform. Give yourself some time to heal and spend time to improve yourself.

justmots · 2016-12-22T18:05:11+00:00

Same thing happened to me minus the random hookup with a girl. I broke up with my ex at the end of july and have been hitting the gym hard after work 5 days a week and tried spending a bit more time with the very few of my friends that are single. Hitting the gym has been the positive fix in my life. It's healthy for the mind and for the body and is one of the best ways I know where you can use the built up stress and release it while working out. It's sublimation at it's best (taking negative energy or habits and changing that to postive energy or habits).

I grew a beard and get a haircut every 2 weeks cuz my hair is kind of short and beard/hair need trimming then. I throw contacts on when I go out (cuz I wear glasses) and man what a difference. I could tell that women were checking me out and I was kind of proud at that moment because I put some work into all these positive changes. That's helped my confidence greatly as well as just conversating normally with everyone I can, especially cute girls. I'll go to this bar/restaurant after work like once a week on Fridays for happy hour because I'm into craft beer and know a few bartenders there also I'm fairly hungry after work. The crowd that goes there is pretty cool and around my age so it gives me an opportunity to either meet new people at the bar or conversate with the cute bartenders/waitresses.

My advice for you would be to give yourself some time like some have said (it's what I did as well). Focus on what makes you happy, but also be open to trying new things and experiences as this will open more doors for you. Make sure you have great posture always and always be friendly with people be it guys and girls. Take care of yourself because in reality you're the most important person in your life at this point. Look your best whenever you go out and decide what you want out of your social life. Do you want to date again? or do you want to be single but mess around? After you have given yourself enough time you will start to get back in the game again slowly. Remember baby steps, and some progress even as little as could be is better than no progress.

t1mman · 2016-12-22T18:30:45+00:00

Lead a good life, the rest will come by itself.

When I ended my last serious relation, I decided to “get out of my shell”. For years I was defined as the shy, introverted, almost asocial guy (the girlfriend loved it, it was easier to “control” that way). Long story short, I started to get out. Not with the intent to meet someone, but to have fun. Going to show I liked, getting into club to chat to anyone, staff, people around, et,. met a lot of people this way, kinda “single serving friends” here and there (although knowing some staff will be helpful if you go to the same spots often!). Same goes when I joined running clubs. Funny thing, I was so focused on pushing myself there, and getting better that many gals noticed me that way. And, let me tell you, sporting clubs holds a great deal of fit gals!! Talk about “cardio training” in the bed my friend!! :P

I used tinder the same way, with the intent of meeting gals here and there, getting me back into it, you can easily get a couple of dates a week using this, if you lead a good life!! I used pictures of my event with my profile; running marathons, doing some Spartan races, playing guitar in a band, having a blast with pals, those things.

So, forget a little about what was done, focus on how you can improve your current life and get out there.

wolfenstein1725 · 2016-12-23T16:47:03+00:00

Bro, I feel you. I recently got out of a relationship that was over a decade long. Think about that. And she left me. Here is everything I did to overcome:

Understand you're probably not ready emotionally to win over girls. So put that on pause.
Get to a gym, ASAP. Choose something that will be A) mindless B) strength related C) requires daily participation. I found the Dan John 40-Day program to be the right fit for me but you can choose any 30, 45, or 60 day program from T-Nation.
Cry, emote, whatever. Just get it out of your system and don't fight it. It's natural to be upset and it doesn't make you less of a man to have feelings. Just do it by yourself, or around very close friends who won't judge.
Date yourself. Always wanted a leather jacket? F it, buy one. Wanted to try a new hairstyle but your ex told you she didn't like? F it, do it. Buying yourself stuff, even small stuff will remind you that you come first.
Connect with old friends. Fill up your schedule. Have NO expectations of pulling women. Just go out again and ALWAYS be busy.
Start some new hobbies where you may meet new women. Again, no expectations. Just go out and learn to be a fun social animal.

After about 30 days (the time it takes to ingrain a new habit) you will be noticeably better looking, you'll feel strong and dominant, you will have tons of casual social interactions under your belt. And you'll love yourself. Turns out, that's mostly what inner game is about to begin with. And when you feel good, you look good, and that radiates.

Now you can go out, but still take it easy. Learn some technique and try it out in the field. See what works, what doesn't. But most importantly have no expectations and keep it fun and playful. I promise you you'll start to feel like you're having the time of your life.

Lndbrghwrstlr · 2016-12-22T16:51:25+00:00

Go find Dr. Evil and take it back.

Akhalyndra · 2016-12-22T17:45:54+00:00

Don't go out with the preconception that you're going to meet someone—you're setting yourself up for disaster. Go out to have fun, if you meet someone in doing so: great!

recyclablebanthas · 2016-12-23T12:22:50+00:00

I am coming out of a 3 year relationship. I was good in bed with her, tried different things, essentially felt like a boss. Long story short, We broke up, and she moved on to someone new.

Sorry man, but you're unfortunately glossing over one of the most important parts of your post. The past affects the future, so I have to ask you to elaborate on the break-up.

How did you guys meet in the first place? Like who initiated the meeting and got the relationship going? Did it start easily or where there complications in the beginning?
How social were you guys as a couple? Isolated? Or going out together with or without friends?
How serious had it gotten? Did you think you'd marry her? Were there ever any plans to this effect? Did you ever live together?
Who initiated it? Why?
Did you see it coming? Or did the relationship circle the drain first? (If so, how long did it circle the drain?)
Did you guys share many friends? How were those friends divvied up between you guys after the break-up?
What were you like before the break-up? Were you very social beforehand?

I guess it was my ego being hurt but man did that send me down. I took some time for myself and it has been a while since we broke up.

How long has it literally been since the break-up?

Look, point blank, it can take a while for a break-up to be recovered from. Minimum would be maybe 3-4 months for most of it, and to process some of the baggage can take the better part of a year. It can take longer, if some serious shit went down.

I tried to sleep with this random girl recently, and couldn't even get hard! It has since left me in a loop, worried about being turned on, feel like a piece of shit. I see a picture of a girl and my mind just goes into this spiral, i start getting nervous, something i never used to get!

I've basically faced this. (albeit in different circumstances, but I've faced it.) Also had a buddy face it JUST recently. There's a mind-body connection so it's to be expected that the mind can help or hurt your situation in the bedroom. Bottom line: This is a natural thing to face. Emotions can fuck with performance in the bedroom. And once it's happened, it can loom over you like a shadow. But the important thing to realize is that you're no different from most men out there. We all have the same equipment and emotions affect all of us, unless we're talking about a sociopath.

Doesn't help that all my friends are wifed up in relationships so I am pretty alone at the moment.

This sucks, but you're going to need some new friends to supplement your old friends. Keep those friends, but get around some single people again. Otherwise, you're going to be bombarded with bullshit: people in relationships often get sanctomonious about thinking they've got it figured out. (And at least half the time, they really haven't.) And no matter how well meaning they are, they're not going to relate to you as well, as they'll be more apt to stay away from the sorts of places that are more fun to go to as a single person.

Some social groups you might think about looking into:

Hash runs.
Couchsurfer meets.
Social partner dancing. Lindy hop, Salsa, Argentine tango, West coast swing.

I am struggling with picking up girls and I can't figure out why. I know my confidence has been shot with everything, I just don't know where to meet girlsl how to talk to them seduce them.

To be blunt, you know what the problem is. You knew how to do this well enough that you ended up with a woman you could have slept with just recently. Now you're afraid that's going to happen again and you're letting it fuck up every stage of this shit that you didn't let bother you before. And you will be ready for bedroom shenanigans when you're ready. You weren't ready before and tried to force it. That didn't go so well.

Also, realize that it's usually not a situation where it just goes down in one second. Often it just starts going soft and all you need to do is focus on the fun at hand and it will come back. Girls see guys with this issue all the time. Most girls get off on oral sex anyway so if you focus on how the fun is over just because YOUR cock is temporarily down, well, you are being unintentionally selfish and killing all the fun when you don't need to. Think about that.

SO many nights I've gone out with the hopes of meeting someone, and end up more sad at the end of teh night coming home thinking about my ex.

So you're recovering still. This is NORMAL.

MindsEvolve · 2016-12-23T15:49:53+00:00

Have to agree. This is normal, and you are already recovering. Going on a date is a sign of the upswing to come. Of course there are going to be painful emotions on the way, and big waves of fear. Of course there will be. Chin up, and we're here if you need us.

PM me if you need advice on how to build a huge pipeline of dates quickly.

Rightherewaiting4 · 2022-01-13T17:20:51+00:00

5 years ago. I hope you're doing good and feel like a boss again.

I'm 3 days post breakup of a women I loved for almost 6 years.

I have zero libido Can't even get hard to masterbate. Stomach pain, loss, heartache. Not sure how long this will last buts its awful. I just want to have at least some control.

I think time is the only healer Looking forward to being done with this

Title	Post Break UP, Lost my MOJO
Author	yourealoser4321
Upvotes	33
Comments	11
Date	December 22, 2016 2:53 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5jqy05/post_break_up_lost_my_mojo/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/post-break-up-lost-my-mojo.1417471 https://theredarchive.com/post/1417471

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