Pulling the trigger. Advice?

coocoo4cocaine · 2010-12-05T22:33:17+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you, this all sounds pretty natural actually. I'm guessing you're no more than 21 years old? I had the same problem in my freshman year of college. I had acne, even though it wasn't a grotesque amount, it crippled my confidence. So when a girl would show me interest, my instant thought was "What could she possibly see in me?". The way I overcame this was build an ideal version of yourself in your head, the version of you that you want to be. Mine was quite, well spoken, smart, confident and someone people wanted to be around and slowly start doing things or saying things that the ideal version of you would do or say and before you know it you will be closer to being that confident, smart, attractive person. In the short run however try drinking alcohol, not too excessive to where your throwing up or don't have control of your actions, but just enough to loosen you up and let go of your inhibitions a little. It's amazing how much a few shots can boost your ego and make you sociable.

jagermeistr · 2010-12-06T00:38:59+00:00

Write down a set of rules/procedures for yourself governing how you will act in these situations. I've listed some examples, but make them personal to you. You need to separate your ego from these situations.

"Any time a women initiates ANY physical contact with me, I touch her during the time she touches me, or within 10 seconds of her breaking contact."

"IF I am with a girl and she gives me X amount of IOI's that were listed on reddit, I will kiss her."

"IF I am alone with a girl after she has displayed 3+ IOIs over the course of our interaction, I don't engage in small talk at all."

07SS · 2010-12-06T00:40:51+00:00

I sorta had a similar issue early in HS. Luckily for me, I was friends with a kid (and still am) who was ALWAYS around girls with hot friends, so when he would get with his girl, I'd sorta be forced into doing it too.

For me, at least, and I'd assume most others too, the ONLY way to overcome your self-esteem issues is to step far out of your comfort zone. I'll give a scenario:

You're at a party, and you're chatting in a group of 4, 2 girls 2 guys (yourself included). You guys are all laughing and having fun, then the group splits. Either you go up to one of the girls you're interested in, or she comes up to you (which would be good enough reason to get confidence up anyway). She starts hitting on you, doing the stuff that this other girl was the other night, and you start to think she's mocking you or not ACTUALLY interested in you for whatever reason. As soon as you start thinking these thoughts, you need to step out of your comfort zone and escalate kino or conversation, so when she (hopefully) responds positively, those previous thoughts fade away. Hopefully you'll be proud enough to work from there. If you can do certain aspects of PU with positive responses, it should ONLY go up from there. There is NO NEED to go down the ladder and start doubting yourself when you've already proven yourself.

You're in college. Let's say you're drinking and you pick up on what you think are IOIs, but aren't. You try to get things done "pull the trigger" as you said, and she's not interested. For someone who doubts them self, like you, this could be crushing. However, you gotta think that if you think the girl is interested, most likely your confidence will be rising and that will show to the girl. Her attraction to you can only go up as you start feeling better about yourself. IMO, even if she wasn't initially attracted to you, she may be just enough to let you hook up with her at the end of the night.

Plenty of fish in the sea. Some are bound to like you. Don't be afraid to fuck up a few times. EVERYONE HAS recognized false IOIs, don't be afraid to take a chance. You'll be glad you did. At least you'll have a definite answer instead of questioning yourself like you are now, wondering what could've been.

thaeds · 2010-12-06T00:52:04+00:00

I think you should be focused on escalation, not "making the move". You want to move things in the right direction little by little, there is really no one move. After correct escalation a kiss is natural, and easy.

Read up on the kino ladder and imagine all the ways you could have moved from one rung to the next. Putting your hand on her hip out of the blue is more ballsy than required at any point.

2010-12-06T21:04:01+00:00

I know where you're coming from. I've been there. I learned a ton of material, but my social and approach anxieties were still through the roof, and my sense of self worth were variable at best. Something that's helped me quite a bit is the book, Intimate Connections. It's not pick up material. It's a psychological self-help book that I recommend. It goes over all sorts of stuff. It examines various negative frames people typically fall into, and provides a guide on how to change it to more positive realistic frames.

treez420 · 2010-12-05T21:02:09+00:00

This is going to sound harsh, but you might want to see a professional. You have some serious self-esteem issues if you think these women are just mocking you. However, I will provide some advice because I've been there. Always assume they are into you and not trying to make a joke out of you. Step out of your comfort zone, even just a little each time this happens and practice initiating with women. Approach Anxiety eases over time. But seriously I think you need to see a pro to work through your self-esteem issues. I did too and it helped a lot.

Also you mention school, are you in HS or college?

Title	Pulling the trigger. Advice?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	December 5, 2010 8:23 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ego1y/pulling_the_trigger_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/pulling-the-trigger-advice.1308521 https://theredarchive.com/post/1308521

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