Still struggling with the same sticking point of 'escalation' in certain sets

recyclablebanthas · 2019-11-27T02:21:44+00:00

1

....unable to escalate on girls.......who I don't sense attraction from! I guess it's 'escalation anxiety'.

You have this down enough to get laid, based on what you've said. Which means you've been pushing your own limits.

But this is not just about your limits or what you want.

The girl has her own wants and desires. And if she's not down, that's it, game over. Seduction isn't mind control. We don't "make" a girl want us. What actually happens is a discovery process where the guy finds out if he and the girl are mutually attracted.

If they are, then shit goes down.

So, what you're describing isn't a "sticking point." Seduction is a team sport. If the girl isn't wanting to play, nothing is going to happen.

2

I tend to only approach girls in bars btw.

Not relevant, except that you are cherry picking from girls who are probably more likely to want something casual and/or quick.

3

I don't have this problem in sets where I KNOW that she's into me.

You sound savvy, man. Realize that being able to recognize that she's into you, is actually an advanced skill that not everyone here has.

The mistake many PUAs make, is to disregard what this recognition means. When you're aware she's into you, those are the only girls that are actionable. They are the best, most qualified leads you could be dealing with.

Such girls usually become active partners in making sex and the rest happen. Which becomes a problem for guys who started out as hard cases or awkward dudes who are used to the whole thing being a challenge. All of a sudden, they realize seduction really isn't that hard. And if too much of the appeal and value of sex has become based on the struggled required to get it, it can be easy to start seeing interested girls as "too easy."

Then one of two things usually happens:

They get bored of casual sex and seek out the struggle of finding someone solid to have a serious relationship with.
Or more likely, they look for more challenge by trying riskier and more extreme things in their pickup. Like the Apocalypse Opener, getting threesomes, faster escalation from meeting to sex, sex with multiple partners in a day/night, etc.

But at the end of the day, when someone's actually interested, that's going to be obvious and easy to observe if you know what you're doing.

4

But when it's a set which is going 'fine' and i've opened and hooked her and she's talking back etc, but I just DON'T feel like she's actually 'into me'/attracted I find it super hard to kind of find a way to escalate.

Just as you can tell quickly that the girl is interested, she will know rather quickly whether she is interested.

You are good enough at this to tell when she's not down. Seduction isn't going to change whether she's into you or not.

5

Ramped up the kino more, using things like ring routines etc.

Just told her that I think she's pretty like PUA's like 'evolutionDaily' and a few others do. (statements of intent). But it feels so hard to do that when you're just making small talk and you sense no attraction from her

If you're already sensing that she's not interested, it's time to back off and if you're enjoying the interaction, she might be a good social contact: Someone who'd make a good temporary wing-man or someone with friends who are attractive.

Otherwise, peace out on good terms and if she remembers the interaction positively, she'll help you out later on if she's able.

rich_god · 2019-11-27T08:50:40+00:00

Either I feel like she is not interested, conversation is boring, I feel a bit awkward, then I just say so : « hey, I feel like there is something else on your mind, do you want me to let you alone ? ». I’m completely fine with leaving someone that is not 100% involved. It honestly doesn’t happen often, if you talk to people about what they like and who they are, it never ends. Every time it happened the person really had something in her mind (friends leaving, boyfriend angry, stress dur to work...) and that makes us able to talk about it so she feels better, or does what she has to do like calling her boyfriend, checking with her friends if they’re leaving...

Second possibility is that there is good conversation but not attraction. We talk a lot but stay very mental and not connected to our bodies. Then I check with myself what I want with that girl. Usually if the attraction doesn’t come by itself I prefer to keep that girl as friend. I have enough relationships and casual sex in my life with those where the sexual compatibility is off the track. But sometimes I’m really attracted and just can’t find a way to synchronize on an attraction level (usually if the girl is shy and talk a lot to distract from her anxiety). What I do in those moments :

I talk less, more slowly. I take my time before any answer and really use the right words. I use those silence to get eye contact.
I focus on breathing. I relax myself, I smile but not laugh.
I check with myself how I feel, and try to share on a more emotional level. Usually a sentence like « I feel good talking to you » is powerful.
I take her hand. I just say « can I touch your hand ? » if I sense some tension in her. If not I just caress it.
I talk about deeper and more sensual subjects. I talk about our sexual experiences, our romantic relationships also, anything that is personal, emotional and sensual.
I change the setting. Usually if I struggle to get into intimacy it’s also because the context is too agitated, noisy, distracting. So I propose to go somewhere more adapted.
If I make a compliment, it’s almost never about physical appearance, and if it’s about appearance it’s about something very specific like « I like how your moles are aligned on the side of your neck ». Usually it’s about how I feel, how she is funny, interesting, smart, exciting, out of the ordinary in some way.

asiam_man · 2019-11-27T01:57:14+00:00

Yeah, it's actually good to pick up on cues. Don't escalate before developing attraction and tension. Are you push pulling? negging? Doing take-aways? Your real question should be: "Still struggling with the same sticking point of 'building attraction' in certain sets.

Insaneflirt_max · 2019-11-27T06:02:40+00:00

Learn to turn the "maybes" into "yes".

It's hard, it's nerve racking and will hurt your ego.

There are ressources on the web that explain to you how to do that but basically, spike her emotions to get under her radar and have her comply to get her complying to go home with you in the end.

Don't expect them to feed the conversation or to show you interest until you've turned this maybe into a yes.

Title	Still struggling with the same sticking point of 'escalation' in certain sets
Author	muckbrigade
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	November 26, 2019 9:53 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e25a39/still_struggling_with_the_same_sticking_point_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/still-struggling-with-the-same-sticking-point-of.1484758 https://theredarchive.com/post/1484758

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