The difference between being needy and showing genuine desire

hueaq123 · 2017-10-31T23:41:11+00:00

Showing desire: - spending time with her - asking her out - flirting - escalating

Being needy: - telling her you like her too early - bombarding her with text messages - not giving her space - tolerating flaking

Two steps ahead, one step backward. Don't hesitate and never chase.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-11-01T02:46:57+00:00

1

having trouble with forming lasting relationships with girls

it seems it all comes down to showing genuine desire to the woman you want and not being needy

Not quite. You're talking about looking for long term relationships, right?

What being needy does, is scare off girls. Getting rid of this quality is necessary, but NOT sufficient enough to get you to the point of forming lasting relationships. You'd also need to be aware of what kind of girls you're screening for and what kinds of interactions you are encouraging.

Even if you're not needy, it wouldn't get you to a relationship if the only girls you date aren't looking for something serious. In fact, casually minded girls are likely to see a guy as needy, even if all he's doing is signalling that he's looking for something serious, when they're not.

So sure, do an inventory and make sure you're not being needy. But realize that part of the issue is going to be what kind of people you are pursuing.

2

but i can't seem to be able to draw the line between these two things......

GentleBDSM pretty much nailed the line between these two things, and I'll elaborate.

Neediness can come from insecurity, which can come from many sources. One possible source is feeling uncertain about your standing with a girl, and then wanting to reach out for some sort of reassurance. That's where the texting comes in. That's where telling her your "feelings" comes in. These things are ways of basically fishing for a response that will reaffirm the connection.

But this uncertainty, at its heart, probably comes from lack of confidence and negative self-talk that leave you feeling like you aren't enough to keep a girl interested. Because that negative self-talk is often constant or regular, it leads to wearing you down and seeking out reassurance that she's still interested.

But neediness doesn't stop this way because seeking out reassurances from external sources does NOTHING to address the negative self-talk and lack of confidence in the first place. And so needy behavior doesn't solve the problem and actually proves the negative self-talk correct by driving away the very people you seek to get reassurance away, because the constant need for reassurance is draining.

Translation: You need to learn to fight your own battles. You need to become more mindful of the thoughts running through your own mind. Negative thought loops lead to insecurity and neediness. It's not as simple as "just stopping." Want some actionable advice? Here are two takes on fighting the kinds of negative thoughts that lead to your problem: 1 2

3

What if i'm at the point of accepting any and everyone who would want me? How do i get over it?

You need to implement some of the advice I just detailed, just above. Because if you don't address your own negative thoughts and their ability to change your brain chemistry, then you are going to continue to weaken yourself and keep yourself in a low position that leads to you being willing to accept anyone who would have you.

You don't just "snap out of it" or "get over it." You have to have enough fire and dissatisfaction inside yourself to motivate you to fight your own thoughts.

CleanWholesomePhun · 2017-10-31T23:41:28+00:00

Needy is a having woman-shaped hole in your heart that you're hunting to fill with anything that meets minimum requirements. Desire is noticing and being hooked on a specific thing about her presence and wanting to more. It's more observant and proactive than neediness.

noob_said · 2017-11-01T01:56:44+00:00

Its more of a mindset rather than overt behaviours. Texting her too much, apologizing too much etc manifest themselves through needy attitudes. So the solution would be fix your mindset. 'I want her approval but I don't need it' should be attitude to show lack of neediness.

79trombones · 2017-11-04T09:38:58+00:00

“Confidently, unapologetically and assertively show your honest intent to a woman while simultaneously remaining outcome independent.”

The above theory clearly defines in one statement why some men are successful with women while others fail. While it may seem simple on the surface, on a deeper level this statement encompasses all the previous principles mentioned thus far. Without a thorough understanding of the previous chapters, this theory can easily be wrongly interpreted and erroneously applied. The theory can be broken down into its two parts: showing honest intent and being outcome independent.

Honesty has been a staple principle throughout this entire book. When being truly honest, your conduct is fully congruent and consistent; ergo your thoughts, words and actions are continuously aligned. Showing honest intent is synonymous with acting in a man to woman frame. Men who try to hide their interest or are ashamed of their desires are acting dishonestly. By acting like a friend, these men only ever become a woman’s friend. Every time you spend time with a woman that you like and hide your interest, you are actively lying to her. Dishonesty tells a woman that you are either faking who you are in order to hide your inadequacies or are trying to manipulate her into liking you. These behaviors stem from an internal belief that you are not good enough as you are.

Being honest extends well past your interactions with woman and into how you choose to live your life. While it is important to be honest with others, it is also critical that you are honest with yourself. Perhaps by now you have realized that the same core beliefs it takes to be successful with women mirror those needed to be successful in life. All the attractive traits and behaviors mentioned in this book are beneficial to you regardless of your interest in attracting women. Your attractiveness to women comes as a consequence of improving yourself as a man. You become an attractive man by living a life of authenticity and integrity. You become authentic when you are pursuing your purpose, and living your life in accordance to what you value. Even if you lack what others would define as “success,” you keep your integrity by knowing that you are acting true to yourself. This is the deepest form of honesty. You accept yourself as you are. You do not lie to yourself to protect your ego. You work at becoming who you want to be, not what others have determined as being worthy of praise, love or approval. Fulfillment, confidence and self-respect come from living a life that is in line with your values. When you show how much you value and respect yourself, you gain the admiration of others. Lead a life that you are proud of, and thus a woman who shares your values would be proud to join.

Being outcome independent means that no matter the response a woman has to your advances, the outcome does not affect how you feel about yourself. By remaining completely secure through temporary “rejections,” you show the highly attractive traits of confidence and lack of neediness. As one pulls themself out of scarcity and into abundance, one naturally becomes more outcome independent.

Outcome independence stems from believing that you are enough as you are. This is the deepest form of abundance. If you are truly content with yourself, then you do not require validation, approval or positive reactions from others. When others sense this, they know that you are not seeking any type of value from them, and that having you in their lives can thus be beneficial. This also puts them at ease by indicating that you will not burden them with being responsible for your emotional state.

Showing honest intent means that you are willing to express to a woman your interest in her. Outcome independence means that you are completely comfortable accepting that a woman may be unreceptive. Persistence often works with an available woman when you act with honest intent and are outcome independent. Women admire persistence when it illustrates the healthy sense of entitlement of a man who is confident of what he wants, but who also does not become emotionally distraught upon not getting it. This fulfills a woman’s wish to feel desired, but not in a needy value seeking sort of way. Any type of persistence which lacks honest intent and outcome independence will instill disinterest, discomfort and even fear in women.

From Book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics

aristolen · 2017-11-01T10:23:46+00:00

Good Lord don't read books. Don't go to this sub for useful advice either..

But if you want mine, go out and live life don't stress over girls and have fun.

Title	The difference between being needy and showing genuine desire
Author	hueaq123
Upvotes	31
Comments	15
Date	October 31, 2017 11:10 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/79znzo/the_difference_between_being_needy_and_showing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-difference-between-being-needy-and-showing.1436129 https://theredarchive.com/post/1436129

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