I enjoy reading some of your posts and responses here. It's fascinating seeing your dialogues unfold, as I guess your ages and experiences.

But I don't think anyone here has hit the nail on the head.

WHAT CONFIDENCE REALLY IS

Confidence simply isn't something you can fake; it's an encompassing state of being. You can't wish for it; you can't teach it to yourself; you can't pretend you have it. Confidence is what life teaches you, the result of years and years of experiences, beginning as far back as you can remember. It's you getting a star in kindergarten for writing letters correctly. It's learning the world didn't end when your father cried. It's coming to terms with your own mortality. It's in that first kiss. It's in that paper you worked your ass for and aced. It's in that girl you had sex with that you really, really wanted.

Confidence is the result of learning about your capabilities, your limits and your thoughts. Confidence is the ability to adapt and carry on as the weight of the world weighs down on you.

You achieve it by growing. You grow by experience. You learn.

HOW TO HAVE “GAME” BY BEING A BETTER MAN

There's three types of men: the ones who think they get ahead by "game", the ones who attain and eventually learn the meaning of confidence by becoming a man, and the ones who are clueless, afraid, or both. There's an old quote that life is the most difficult teacher: if offers the test first, then the lesson. This is true in every aspect of life.

There are many guys who focus on game as a solution to their feelings of social inadequacy. Most don't understand what they're getting into. In games, there are game pieces and there are rules. If you play the game, you're nothing more than a game piece and you will always be confined to the rules of the game. Games always end at some point, and your game piece doesn't learn anything new whether you win or lose. You do. Experience and understanding is what makes a man. Doing things to better yourself -- in whatever definition you choose -- makes you a better man, and more attractive to others.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SELF-AFFIRMATION AND REAL CONFIDENCE

This idea of "game" stems from two places: a pattern of those who have achieved something they wanted through attributing it to an unknown skill set (eventually believing that they did something right) and those who see others achieving something greater than they are. Both types are equal; they are relatively clueless and need help with interpersonal relationships.

The truth is, everyone embodies both aspects of these; everyone seeks approval. You might be the most confident guy in your circle of friends, but move to a town knowing no one and understand where that newfound insecurity stems from. The neglect of the self is the core issue, above anything else. Even reassuring yourself is still the seek for approval -- your own. It works, to an extent; the mind is a very, very powerful thing, however you choose to use it. But the need for approval, even of the self, needs to be kept in check.

This is where many transition to the opposite extreme. The least confident of men over time become the most over-confident. It's a defense mechanism. And while they've built themselves up to be something better, they're still not really confident. People like to live in their own little worlds. This is fine, as long as they're aware of it, but more often than not, they aren't. Self-affirmation is a good starting point for people who need a boost. But it isn't what real confidence is.

HOW BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOU NATURALLY MAKES YOU CONFIDENT

There's lots of stories on reddit about successes -- a 280 lb man losing 100 lbs, a boy getting a girl, an amputee learning to run again with the aid of a prosthetic. But for every one of these inspiring stories, there's countless failures. Failure is normal. Failure should be coveted. Because only when you learn to fail and pick yourself up again, time after time, do you begin to understand what it really takes to be the best you. Confidence doesn't come from a pick-up. It doesn't come from getting into a college, landing a good job, or having a stack of money. They're all preparation and chance. They're all pride, and pride is not confidence. True confidence comes from the ability to keep pushing forward, every day, despite failure, bettering yourself.

As you build yourself into a man, you learn about all your attributes, good and bad. When you focus on who and what you want to be, you are no longer trying to impress anyone. You're satisfying your own wants. You gain control over your thoughts, and control over your life follows. People tend to desire input from others in many capacities. The desire for understanding is a basic trait that are human to the core. But those who achieve the greatest things don't always need this validation. They learn they don't need sympathy or empathy. They're great to have in a time of need, but confidence comes from the ability to act without them while still providing them for others in need. Confidence comes from elevating yourself in mind and body. Control what you think, and you control what you do.

HOW YOU WILL AFFECT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Real confidence will do one of two things: it will make people comfortable and impassioned around you, or it will scare them away.

Everybody in this world has redeeming qualities, but not everybody's qualities align. Once you let go of the fear of rejection, you transition to a new level of consciousness. When you're comfortable being yourself, you are in a better position to meet the types of people you're meant to be around. Your goals and dreams will make you an inspiration and an asset. Your nonchalant charm and wit will lead others to you. You will connect with the types of people who will inspire you as well.

Not being able to connect with everyone is a good thing. Those who don't get it adopt the unconfident desire for self-preservation by not putting all their eggs in one basket. While it's a general good idea to diversify your interests, it's not a confident position when you base it on fear. Know there is much to see and many people to meet in this world. If you made a best friend or a lover out of everyone, you don't stand for much of anything.

You will lose friends over this. Many won't understand. But that, too, is ok. People come in and out of each other's lives for reasons. With billions of people in this world, if everyone stayed with the same closely-knit group of 5, this world would be full of hate and fear.

HOW REAL CONFIDENCE AFFECTS GIRLS AROUND YOU

Girls react to confidence in different ways. Some are scared by it, some are turned on by it. It's natural -- they're all on their own journeys and have different experiences from you and from each other. You'll come to find that when you're in control of your thoughts and deliberate actions, you come across as having a sense of purpose. Purpose can be any number of things, but when interacting with women, a man with purpose becomes a mystery. Not many men have this because they're so focused on outcome dependence. There are thousands of ways to get a girl's attention. But if you leave them wondering what makes you tick, their curiosity will take over.

Amongst the obvious traits women find attractive, this is the silent one that isn't stressed enough. Being good looking and funny is a great start. But if you aren't in control of your own existence, it will eventually shine through.

A real man knows outcome dependence shapes a person negatively. They don't need to seek approval because they care more about their own opinion of themselves than what they think others want from them. They stand on their own two feet and know they'll never know what someone else wants if they don't ask them. They're who they want to be and they attract the people they want to because their comfort zone boundaries have ceased to exist when they stopped seeking validation.

ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS -- CLOSING -- WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT

Regardless of what you think, women choose you. Women are used to being approached; for some, multiple times daily. This gets exhausting, and over time, they recognize the pattern of outcome intent. Greetings, exchange of numbers, dates, sex... these are all outcomes. They all have very specific purposes. If you treat a woman like you would anyone else you'd converse with, most will give you a chance. Communication is human nature. But easily within the first few minutes of that conversation, a woman will know if she will allow it to escalate or not. Be ok with rejection.

The older girls get, the list of times and ways she’s been hit on grows exponentially. The things that worked for you in high school won't work as much in college. The things that worked for you in college won't work that much in the real world. Things in your 40's will differ from how they did in your late 20's. This is why the notion of game is downright wrong. There's dozens of outlined rules. Game itself is outcome dependent. Those who truly get ahead in life don't play by rules and thus don't actually play the game.

A lot of guys demote women's collective status from thinking and emoting beings to a piece of meat. That's utter bullshit. Those who do this are covering for their own fear of rejection. It's a false and inflated sense of self confidence, and is completely based in outcome dependence. They think they can get hurt by a person; but if they look at a woman as an inanimate object, they pretend they won't get hurt. This is a falsity. Get hurt. Get used to it. Good things don't come easy, so don't shy away from life.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SUBTLETY AND DIRECTNESS

While directness is a sign of confidence, it can also be a sign of weakness. You have to know when to be direct, and when to be subtle. Often, there's more intrigue in subtle conversation and body language than there is being blunt. This isn't a game, this is a personality trait. And a damn good one, knowing when each of those means of communication is best.

YOU CAN’T CHANGE OTHERS, ONLY YOURSELF

Not everyone will like you. It's an irrational dream. Sometimes it will hurt, and that's ok. Don't let rejection define you, and don't think you can sway someone. When you're out to prove someone wrong, you're being needy. You're outcome dependent. Let go; move on. You have things you need to accomplish, and you're only standing in your own way if you try so hard.

If you're not achieving your goals, it's because you're not trying hard enough. There's many circumstances that are based on biology, but the vast majority of your existence is in your control. Embrace it, and carve your path.