The Great Disaster

This is a nice guy "falling in love with his best friend" story. I wanted to see what you guys think and thought it maybe helpful to people in the same situation. I guess I should get right to it...

I went to college with this really good looking girl. We slowly became friends and stayed that way for 4 years. After college I moved away to a job in NYC. I stated to feel lonely but did not play the game by convincing myself that "I need to focus on my career". She came down to see me after she dumped her boyfriend and we had a really great time. Then the worst thing happened, I caught feels for her x(. Having a hot girl with me made me feel so good (even though we are not doing anything) and thought I deserve this at this point in my life. So then I decided I must act on it because its better to know than to pretend everything is normal. I drove to her place and botched the whole thing. It was okay though because she let me down easy.

At this point everything is okay... actually its really good because I realized I want to a girl in my life and that I could work on myself and get a really good looking girl. I went to the gym and started going out/having fun. Shortly after that the great disaster happened... She visited me again and we went to Boston with a couple of friends. I thought surly now she would find me attractive... not at all. I thought damn that sucks but whatever. Then she left us and went out with a dude and slept with him. Now, I promise you I always have my ego in check, but this was devastating for some reason. I was so hurt that I took off the next few days off of work and stopped going to the gym. What hurt was that she knew I still had feelings... for the first time in my life, I became a cuck (at least it felt very much so).

I realized the problem is not what she did but how much I reacted to it so I started working on myself. She called me and apologized. But I still feel hurt every time I see her and cant shake it off, its the weirdest thing ever. If it was any other girl I would not think twice, I would say your loss and move on... but this is my best friend. Not sure what to do... am I enabling my nice guy by staying friends? Would I be over reacting if I stopped talking to her? I have never been so confused.

[–]TheXXL 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

What you are going through is pretty common, I bet it happened to many of us before. Of course she doesn't owe you anything, and you seem to understand that, but there is this dumb thing called feelings that fucks us over in such weird ways it's unbelievable. I find it interesting that she apologized to you about her one night stand, since it shows she is aware of your feelings about that. Now, lets get to the point here: You feel hurt, and this is nothing to just switch off. It will be there for some time, depending on your coping ability, but one thing would make it easier: no contact until you get back on track. It sounds harsh, and I am sure you think this could be seen as "revenge" on her, and even she might feel that way, but that should not matter. To be honest here, she didn't think about you in the moment she got fucked by this guy, so why should you think about her feelings when you need a time out from her? If she really is a friend, she will understand that, and give you the distance you need. If she decides to make it a big deal, you at least know that she doesn't really care about you, but only cares about how others see her (that could be the reason why she apologized to you).

Either way, you should tell her you need time to get over her, she should not contact you, and you will be the one who get's in touch with her when you think you're fine. This might take months, maybe a year or two, but that's how it is, and no matter what, you should take that time for yourself.

[–]honest_talker2 points 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Title	The Great Disaster
Author	honest_talker
Upvotes	2
Comments	2
Date	April 12, 2019 5:19 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bc9vtg/the_great_disaster/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-great-disaster.1466305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1466305

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