The most important skill in conversation is Listening. Steven Covey and Dale Carnegie have talked about this multiple times that one of the biggest motivational factors in people’s lives is that people want to feel important. The way you make someone feel important is by showing them that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter to you. The way you do that is by giving them your full attention and listening.

It bothers me that almost none of the top guys in the pick up community talk about this. I constantly hear about all the funny jokes, lines, and banter they spurt out, but no matter how cool your speech is building a connection requires you to listen. Unfortunately, I don’t really see this being covered in any of their bootcamps. I think this is one reason why it is one of the biggest complaints women have of men.

I’ll admit I sucked at this for most of my life. I love to hear the sound of my own voice and pride myself on being able to express my opinions with hilariously entertaining rhetoric. I thought the conversations I was having were engaging and fun and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t succeeding. I was wrong, my conversations were not good and my dates never went well. I was only getting drunk girls at the bar, who were probably too hammered to form a sentence of their own anyway.

After learning this not only did my success at bars increase but I was able to form real connections with the girls. Now I get more girls and the girls are way more into me. I get to be the guy who “understands them.” It took me some time to develop this but here are the tips that helped me succeed:

How to Listen Better:

  1. When the girl is talking SHUT UP! Don’t speak or interrupt. This sounds like a silly thing to have to repeat but 95% of the people out there are just waiting to say what they want to say and are not actually listening. Try not to even look like you are about to say something and then stop. Be patient and relax! I shoot for the 80/20 rule (20% talking 80% listening) if I aim for this it usually comes out to us each talking 50 -50. (But I’m a talker)

  2. Maintain good and pleasant eye contact, while acknowledging that you have heard the person. I like to keep a light smile and having an almost zen-like aura here is the way to go.

  3. Wait for a second or two after they finish speaking to respond. I got this from Bill Clinton (imo no one listens better than Bill). This will show the person that you have heard them and are taking the time to think about what they have just said. Subtle but it works wonders. When women spoke about their interactions with Bill they said "he made me feel like the only girl in the world."

  4. Try and remember two things about the conversation you had later that day. When I first started I would have hour long conversations and not remember a thing about them when they finished. Obviously, this was not a good sign. If you can remember it later then chances are you listened well.

Again it may seem obvious but it’s important because so many guys get this wrong like I did. This is where you build a real connection with the girl. This is where women say “this guy gets me.” Knowing how to listen will get women entranced into you and put you in the top 1% of guys.

Thanks for reading this you guys especially if you made it all the way to the end. Listening is a skill just like anything else and can be improved. I released this as a YouTube video months ago [https://youtu.be/RAlXWOIXXbc] but a lot of people like the written portions here. If you want to check out my channel I come out with videos on topics like these every week along with infield stuff as well. Consider subscribing if you feel like this could benefit you.