There is a lot of controversy about this topic: there are people who suggest to always be direct with the girl, to show her that you have the balls to state what you really think. Others suggest to go indirect and pick a topic from her or the surrounding, to show that you’re socially savvy and you know how to deal with strangers.

I’ve always thought that this kind of conversation is non-sense. What you say is secondary and ruminating about the words you should use makes you just more insecure and nervous.

I guess you heard a lot of times the tip “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”. True, but not entirely true. It matters how you deliver your opener, as far as your body language is consistent with what you actually think.

I’ll make an example to explain this. If you tell her something like “Hi, I was a little afraid to approach you but I have to tell you that you’re totally cute” with a dominant position, she will notice this incongruence between what you say and how you say it, and she’ll conclude that you’re bullshitting her, that what you said is a line and you probably spent the last 2 hours approaching girls.

I’m not saying that if you’re actually nervous you should assume a nervous body language to match your feelings, I’m saying that you shouldn’t use words that you don’t mean as well as you shouldn’t use a body language that it’s not part of you.

I know that a lot of people will disagree with this, saying that you should instead assume a good body language to have a better response from the girl. It could work, but remember that girls have a sixth sense to spot bullshit, and if you pretend to be someone else, she’ll realise it.

Try as much as you can to fix your body language through your day, stay straight, wide your shoulder, take up space… But when you’re in front of her, just be relaxed and use the body language that comes naturally in that situation.

Anyway. if you’re looking for openers to use and tips to approach, I’ve just shot a Facebook live video about how to approach in 5 different situations, what to say and how to say it. You can watch it here

Let me know in the comments what you think about this thing!

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