The problem with How To Win Friends And Influence People - Interested vs Interesting

wndbuy · 2016-10-27T12:12:55+00:00

The blunt answer is that Dale Carnegie's book is not a pick-up book, and pick-up follows its own rules.

The first and most important part of pick-up is generating attraction in women. That comes from displaying sexually attractive traits (social dominance, leadership, wealth, physical fitness, etc).

"Being interesting" is not on the list of sexually attractive traits. It's at best a comfort trait. Neither is "asking open ended questions."

Your problem is you're trying to use a book on how to play the piano to learn how to play the guitar. Yes, there are carryovers, but it's very limiting. You need a book on how to play the instrument you want to play. If I were you, I'd look up Magic Bullets - it's an excellent book, and despite the constant desire for change, the principles in that book will never go out of date.

leprogrammist · 2016-10-27T09:53:32+00:00

That's why narcissists are good at game. They like presenting themselves. Other people are pulled in by them. The other people think 'oh I can still change him/her later. s/he is not that bad..' Narcissists have great confidence and self esteem. The problem of the narcissist is not pickup. It is sustaining relationships.

ThrowawayPUA · 2016-10-27T07:28:43+00:00

Well yeah, one of Carnegie's basic principles is "to be interesting, be interested." But as you say, this is a business book and ultimately there is some sort of persuasive purpose to a conversation, if it is to be anything more than smalltalk. And the PUA community is based on persuasive techniques that were developed in business communication and sales, so there are other classics like Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion that have also been used by some of the early PUAs.

I am looking around for a video I saw here in seddit a while ago, it seems to address the specific issue you have. But darn it, I can't find it and I can only vaguely recall the points. I think it has something to do with self-centered conversations that hijack all the conversation to be about you, where there is a better strategy to engage the person, but damn if I can remember what that strategy was. I'll keep looking. Here is a fairly good TED talk that seems to deal with some of these issues, it might actually be the video I'm looking for. This article also sort of deals with the issue.

But here is the ultimate problem. You can be interesting as all hell and still be boring, because you are not making any emotional engagement. Your conversation is not a protracted discussion in the manner of a Socratic dialogue to come to a mutually agreeable proposition that you should fuck. Your conversation should move the seduction forward. You should be evoking an emotional response with your conversation. One of the better books about this is the old classic Magic Bullets.

That is the classic problem. There are lots of great guys who have no idea how to show their better qualities to women in a way that they find emotionally engaging. So you will have to study the seduction techniques like we all do, in order to find that way to make an emotional connection.

smilyfaith · 2016-10-27T13:37:43+00:00

This is interesting!

dtothetwo · 2016-11-01T11:08:17+00:00

The best advice I can think of is; listen and share. Listen to what she says then share something interesting and pertinent, then move on to her again. back and forth. You don't want it to FEEL like an interrogation. you need to break up your pacing

brian242 · 2016-10-27T10:46:05+00:00

Here's a better principle to live by. If something stops working try something else. Sometimes guys get hooked into pickup theories or "how to win friend and influence people" or an abundance of other rules/principles/guidelines. But you need to realise, reality is your best friend. If you notice a girl doesn't respond to questions in real life, try not using questions and saying statements, or try talking about yourself, or try something else. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Title	The problem with How To Win Friends And Influence People - Interested vs Interesting
Author	spartanbadwolf
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	October 27, 2016 5:35 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/59metl/the_problem_with_how_to_win_friends_and_influence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-problem-with-how-to-win-friends-and-influence.1414627 https://theredarchive.com/post/1414627

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