Hello, /r/seduction! I'm thedarkline. I've been a part of the seduction community for a few years now and have gained a lot of insights into the workings of the minds of women (and men!) from kicking around with some of the best in the business. I'm here to share a little bit of knowledge that I've acquired, and today it's on avoiding flakes.

Why do women flake?

There are two primary reasons that women flake, and they're pretty simple:

  1. A woman genuinely has an interruption in her schedule or is just busy.
  2. A woman simply doesn't have enough reason to follow up with you.

We'll be focusing on the second reason. A woman who is just busy and genuinely likes you will usually try to reschedule or be amenable to your push for another day. On the other hand, the main reason women flake is because men have either not built up enough comfort or attraction.

Comfort and attraction???

Yes! Let's dive into the woman's perspective.

Women live in a world where they have to be afraid for their own safety. We're all good guys here, but there are plenty of bad men out there who because of their own issues will try to hurt and rape women, because they're powerful enough to do so. That's where comfort comes in--a woman's recognition that you are a safe, protector of a man who will not harm her if she decides to spend more time with you. The next factor can be seen from a man's perspective as well as a woman's--if you're not attracted to someone enough, you just won't follow up. That's all there is to it.

The comfort/attraction matrix

You can look at comfort and attraction in terms of a matrix of responses:

COMFORT COMFORT
ATTRACTION Wow, I can be safe with him and sexy. I can't wait to fuck him. He's sexy, but he scares me.
ATTRACTION What a nice guy! I can see him being a good friend. Holy shit, what a skeezeball. I'm never going to talk to him again.

The detailed breakdown:

COMFORT/ATTRACTION - This is when you've heard and told her a little bit about you, acted in a safe manner that doesn't make you seem creepy or crazy, but also displayed your strength and powerful nature--something that both tells her that you're safe, and sexy. This is when a girl will triple-text blow up your phone, beg to hang out with you, always apologize profusely if she actually has something going on.

COMFORT/ATTRACTION - This is when you've shared a lot of great stories but it never got sexual. If she was just out to fuck, she's never going to talk to you again. If she was just out for a good time, chances are she thinks you're a great friend and you'll hang out again--but her assumption is that it's nonsexual.

COMFORT/ATTRACTION - You've shown that you're the boss, the top hog, the alpha muchacho--but at the same time, she doesn't know anything about you, you don't know much about her and you might have never asked. Maybe she was drunk, or maybe she was sober and incredibly enticed--maybe she got so weirded out by her attraction to a "dangerous guy" that she left, or maybe she even slept with you and wondered why on earth she did that. She'll probably flake.

COMFORT/ATTRACTION - You didn't do anything right--no comfort, no attraction. As far as she's concerned, you're a nobody at best, a potential serial stalker and rapist at best. Sorry! Better luck next time.

COMFORT/ATTRACTION is the best possible result for acquiring FWBs, relationships, polyamorous partenrs, etc.--COMFORT/ATTRACTION is good for one night stands in many cases, if that's all you're looking for. The others are really no dice (unless you're trying to get friendzoned).

Makes sense!

Good! Does it entirely? If not, ask some questions--I'll do my best to answer them. If you're not sure how to build comfort or attraction, that's an entirely different subject that's tackled in many different places. I hope this post helps, and I wish you all the best of luck in your ventures with the women of your dreams.