What built YOUR confidence?

DesperateWhiteMan · 2022-04-23T12:07:32+00:00

I'm still not where I want to be. But, with that said: losing weight (still have some to go)

Grooming (mostly head/face, especially since I'm bald. I just own it and never leave the house without shaving the dome).

Moving out. This one was massive. Got my own fuckin place and I can set it up however I want and nobody can tell me otherwise.

Finishing school. Not college level in my country, but just before it. Something to fall back on.

Not saying no to every opportunity that might frighten me (such as going out to bars, going to parties, staying after work to have a beer/food with new people, etc). I can be anxious and I don't react too positively to alcohol, so I don't have an easy fix other than just saying "fuck it" and going anyway.

Making an effort to not be a slacker at work. People actually take notice, which wasn't what I was going for, but it's nice to know something I do for myself to not feel like a bum gets recognized. I guess that's the whole point of self-improvement, in a sense.

The first time I realized a girl actually loved me. It didn't work out because of religious reasons (that's literally the only thing keeping us from being together), but it confirmed to the deepest part of my psyche/thoughts that I wasn't unlovable. I felt unlovable since my late pre-teen years until I met this girl.

I work out casually. Some pushups, some curls, long'ish walks, nothing special. I plan to take it further this year.

Having girls say stuff like "you have such an open energy" and stuff like that. Idk what it means really, but something about me stands out in a positive way to them, which means I'm not just being overlooked, so I'll take it.

I didn't have any of this stuff only a few years back, but it's coming along step by step. Just kinda enjoying the process and excited to see what other things I can check off my list the next couple of years.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-04-23T10:08:17+00:00

What builds confidence is getting good experiences whenever you try to do something and see positive results from it.

The more times you see yourself getting good results after you do things that you didn’t dare to do before, and realising that it wasn’t that big of a deal, or that you can get good results if you just try, the more you realise “ok i actually can do this if i put my mind into it”.

It’s also about your internal dialogue, because sometimes you get bad results from your experiences, and the way you choose to think about it affects your confidence,

“If you start thinking: “shit i’m an idiot, i’m a loser, why do i even try, i hate myself, I should not have done that, now i look stupid,…”

All of those thoughts after you fail at something will lower your confidence much like if you think highly of yourself after your success will increase your confidence.

So you need to choose thoughts that will be self-forgiving, meaning that you need to forgive yourself after you fail, you need to think thoughts like:

“At least I tried and i learned something” “well, it’s ok at least i now have another experience” “A year ago i would not have dared to do this, so at least that’s progress”

In other words, you need to talk to yourself as if you are talking to a friend. Your thoughts on your head need to heal, not put more salt into the wound.

It’s called internal dialogue, and it’s essential towards maintaining a high self esteem and confidence.

heretolearnsth · 2022-04-23T08:56:05+00:00

Rejections , specially many rejections in a row daily .

5_7pickup · 2022-04-23T09:06:53+00:00

Going out 20 hours a week talking to around 60-80 women a week will do it.

Liberaler · 2022-04-23T09:41:45+00:00

Life expirience
a habit of trying out new things
a positive outlook on life, you have internalised
affirming challenges as a necessary part of life
living on the edge of your comfort zone
talking total responsibility for your own life. Instead of e.g. blaming your parents or your past
putting your life into perspective and being grateful for the goods things in your life
reducing your ego and talking yourself less serious. Realising you are not the centre of the universe
authentically expressing your thoughts and feelings, even when they are controversial, so you can connect to others instead of putting a fake facade out.
building friendships, that are based on mutual support and respect

mrEnigma86 · 2022-04-23T12:41:14+00:00

Results

BagEmpty6931 · 2022-04-23T14:25:06+00:00

Expressing boundaries

Resolving conflicts with other people (starting tough convos)

womenareuseless69 · 2022-04-23T23:15:08+00:00

Money.

Title	What built YOUR confidence?
Author	headcase1111
Upvotes	0
Comments	8
Date	April 23, 2022 8:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ua110k/what_built_your_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-built-your-confidence.1261387 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261387

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