Attempting to be charismatic often feels forced and cringey. But not forcing myself to be outgoing results in me being quiet and boring. What do I do?

seeronki · 2022-05-10T10:23:46+00:00

I think I should feel forced at first. Look at it as learning how to drive, at first driving is a bunch of conscious decisions but eventually becomes second nature. Sure, kids that grew up around dad's who were petrolheads tend to have a natural feel for driving since thier exposure to it was longer. I think charisma works on the same bases since it- in my opinion- is a learned attribute.

theosamabahama · 2022-05-10T12:58:11+00:00

Don't try to be charismatic. Try to be laid back. Do what you feel like doing and don't give a fuck what others think or even what the girl thinks. You can still talk to her like normal and show interest. You don't need to be extrovert and energetic. Just be chill.

Paltenburg · 2022-05-10T11:39:35+00:00

Fake it till you make it

GhoulChaser · 2022-05-10T12:04:01+00:00

Just hold a conversation, hold strong eye contact like you wanna smash and smile/ smirk a lot and if something sounds funny from the person laugh and that will make you more likable and charismatic.

nancypancy91 · 2022-05-10T10:55:48+00:00

Well said i agree with the first response , charisma is a learned skill. I’m a super introvert and I can listen to people talk all day and not say a thing. Luckily I’ve had friends that let me feel safe speaking my mind opinions in a fun way. For instance when you find a subject /topic you like to talk about I feel like you could naturally show qualities of being charismatic. Starting conversation can feel a bit forced and cringey but I find that most people like to open up :)

BlueberryObvious · 2022-05-10T12:02:47+00:00

You do what entertains you. Authenticity is great.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2022-05-10T16:44:44+00:00

Fake it until you make it. If you talk, look like, and conduct yourself as a charismatic person eventually you will feel like one. Once you are feeling it, it all comes together and becomes genuine.

Not to sound like a broken record, but hobbies and interests that you can get really into and really pumped about will do the trick, and u need to give everything u do everything you got. You aint working at the gym, you are hardcore shredding the gym. You ain't strumming the guitar, you are murdering it. You ain't playing the game, you're slaying it. Serious effort put into stuff you enjoy cultivates genuine charisma that will end up radiating from you all day and night.

nbh1995 · 2022-05-10T12:32:15+00:00

Just talk..stop trying to be anything...

mabden · 2022-05-10T17:16:57+00:00

9 habits of insanely charming and charismatic people:

They are empathetic.

They are humble.

They are vulnerable.

They are have a sense of humor.

They are present.

They are genuinely interested in EVERYONE.

They avoid social narcissism.

They are generous and altruistic.

Check out some old time movies with men who exude charisma.

Marlin Brando, Cary Grant, Humphry Bogart, James Cagney, etc.

Compare them to other charismatic actors like John Candy and John Belushi .

youcheekydelinquent · 2022-05-10T15:50:04+00:00

Practice being outgoing in other areas beyond dating

Yerebeets · 2022-05-10T10:55:32+00:00

If it feels forced and cringey, you're presenting something fake while deep inside you know you're still not there. That can be a good sign since it means that you know you can be better, so you have to improve. You should play a long term game. Improve yourself internally (mentally, physically, career wise) and don't stop pursuing women, even just for the sake of practicing. After a while it will start to feel natural and you'll get better and better results.

Let me know if you need anything else.

GreatWhite9000 · 2022-05-10T10:56:52+00:00

From where are you learning charisma?

_-KTG-_ · 2022-05-10T11:58:36+00:00

Socialising is a skill that you can get good at over time but you’ll have to throw yourself in uncomfortable situations to actually learn, once you learn how to carry a conversation you don’t need much of anything else.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-05-10T14:00:56+00:00

Be yourself. Just……be…… yourself and own it.

Various_Bass_7553 · 2022-05-10T14:35:22+00:00

Such a good question and I’ve struggled with this myself. I think most people who aren’t naturally super outgoing have. What I can say is that it’s more a skill than a particular technique. Practice being more outgoing and charismatic and you’ll get better with time. It takes practice and remember that social muscles are similar to physical muscles in your body. If you don’t exercise them, they atrophy.

Repulsive-Fee393 · 2022-05-10T16:20:54+00:00

Blunt brutal honesty without fear of consequence. You must be willing to alienate very attractive women if you don’t like their personalities.

Endisnear77 · 2022-05-10T20:50:00+00:00

Just be yourself, no secrets

warrenrb1981 · 2022-05-10T16:03:32+00:00

Cringey is an opinion. Its better to be cringey than being boring and not thought about at all.

And you can get better at not being cringey. Cringey is getting better at not being boring...

epimpstyle · 2022-05-10T19:02:27+00:00

I think you have seen too many videos...if you are trying to be something that you are not. Dude, if you talk to girls you have no time to be boring... talk to girls dude, if you are trying to laugh without reason you will look weird but also if you are trying to be charismatic without being a charismatic person... you don't look good at all.

Acid_In_My_Eyes · 2022-05-10T12:26:42+00:00

I think being yourself is charismatic.

thabakersman · 2022-05-10T13:17:33+00:00

Charisma on Command YT page may help

These-Calligrapher · 2022-05-10T15:07:43+00:00

Charisma is just you being you. Find your sense of humor and lean into it. Focus on being self entertained and having fun. If you have fun, you’ll enjoy it and it won’t feel forced

ecish · 2022-05-10T18:29:03+00:00

Confidence in who you are usually leads to natural charisma. I’m finally started to get my confidence back after 15 years of major depression, and I’ve noticed that it just sorta happens now.

inthecircle21 · 2022-05-10T18:50:41+00:00

I feel it’s learn perfecting any new skill …. Consider surfing at first you aren’t in any sync but you are trying to balance yourself. Later you balance yourself and then ride the wave. At first force yourself , you don’t have to do it all night do it for a bit.

Captain_Doppelganger · 2022-05-10T19:31:06+00:00

You first have to understand that there's a difference between trying to be charismatic and outgoing. When your trying to be charismatic, your trying to force yourself into being the center of attention, while making it seem natural. When your trying to be outgoing, your trying to make yourself more social than you regularly are.

If you want to be more charismatic, than I would suggest getting comfortable with who you are as a person first; unironically, knowing who you are and accepting it opens you up to a level of comfortability that will make the charisma your trying to exude natural, and will give you a confidence boost that will make it easier for you to interact with others or vice versa.

If you are looking to be more outgoing, then you have to start pushing yourself more and more outside of your comfort zone. My personal suggestion to be more outgoing? Look for someone random that grabs your interest, once you do that start any kind of interaction with them, whether it be a conversation or something as simple as a fist bump once or twice a day. If you go with the fist bump, you'll eventually going to have to start a full on conversation with them(through text or in person, usually comes down to personal preference or circumstance) in order to start building a friendship of some kind, though it's much easier since you and them have engaged in the daily interaction of fist bumps.

Hope this helped in some way!

HopeLost61 · 2022-05-10T19:43:10+00:00

Be the terminator, women find a mysterious man far more attractive than a dancing chimp.

uniqueruntimeerror · 2022-05-10T20:32:35+00:00

Be natural. Be yourself in that inaccessible kind if way. There’s nothing more attractive than being authentic and assertive.

Aggressive_Pianist25 · 2022-05-10T22:14:40+00:00

Just let it flow if you feel like it’s for Ed it probably is. just be being quiet and shy if that is what you naturally are (which I don’t think it is). Just let yourself feel everything and accept it all.

jumpinsnakes · 2022-05-10T23:35:13+00:00

How do you think actors, singers, musicians all feel when they first begin performing publicly? That uncomfortable feeling will fade as you gain experience and become comfortable in your own skin.

ArmoredAncient · 2022-05-11T00:13:51+00:00

Just be yourself

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-05-11T02:48:03+00:00

Start going out to comfortable places with comfortable people around. If you don’t know any place/people, write down what do you like and wanna go. Example: museum, nice coffee shops, small concerts, movie theater… and just go. Be yourself, be open.

Title	Attempting to be charismatic often feels forced and cringey. But not forcing myself to be outgoing results in me being quiet and boring. What do I do?
Author	headcase1111
Upvotes	161
Comments	54
Date	May 10, 2022 10:08 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/umf9jf/attempting_to_be_charismatic_often_feels_forced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/attempting-to-be-charismatic-often-feels-forced.1260040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1260040

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