I'm not posting this on askseddit, because I feel this is a very deep question.

I think that almost all issues that men have with women stem from a lack of identity in their sexuality and gender. The perfect man is ipso facto attractive to any normal woman. Please help me understand what it means to be a man. Not culturally, not societally, not literally, biologically, physiologically, or otherwise. I'm not really asking for manly traits either. I'm just trying to understand what being a man is about. Give me a timeless definition. I think we all know the picture that society paints as the ideal man. I don't think that this is true image of fundamental manliness.

The reason that I ask is because my father was not involved in my life, I had no brothers and several sisters, and my mother was abusive toward me in a way that belittled my identity as a man. I didn't join any team sports and whenever I tried to explore my feelings or identity, I was told to cowboy the fuck up. I think that this lack of foundational attitude has caused many problems in my life. I want to understand what I am lacking as a man that repels me from women. I'm tired of being apologetic for my actions after the fact. I don't want to be questioned every time I come across a stranger. I am not a creep. I am not a sex fiend. I do not find all woman attractive. I do not want to sleep with you just because you are a woman. Stop treating me this way. I know that we teach people the way to treat us and I absolutely have to believe that this is within my control.

Help me understand.