I've been doing this for a decade with almost no success. I have a fresh start in a new town and need serious help.

vhee · 2013-06-17T06:01:27+00:00

I think it's rather interesting that you feel as if this opportunity that has been presented to you is something that you "fuck up" if you don't get it "right". Is there some sort of self imposed time limit that you're working under?

Seduction is a fluid state of living.

What does it mean to "fuck it up"?

You're moving to a new area that you've never been to before. Worry about getting grounded, getting comfortable with the area, find places where people your age hang out (bars, coffee shops, bookstores, areas pertaining to your interest, etc etc) and get to know them as individuals and make friends.

You sound like you've put time into working on your social aspects, but if you're trying to put some level of measurement of worth in some sort of numeric form (number of "pulls"), I think it's a bit detrimental not only to your level of success, but your overall happiness with who you are.

You're so invested in the outcome of each specific interaction, and when you fail, you get hung up on the failure because all you're looking to do is rack up your number count. Why are you so concerned with how women think of you? It's a catch-22; you try so hard to make women feel a specific way, and as a result, you end up coming off as try-hard and push them away.

Your problem is not "fixable" with directions that seddit can give you. This is a core level identity change that you need to accomplish, and the only way you're going to get that is if you level with yourself and do some deep digging. You have value, and you are the only individual that will give you that. Nobody else is going to give that to you. Ask yourself why you feel otherwise.

Syboh_Seven · 2013-06-17T15:23:37+00:00

Man. Wow. Time for some real talk.

If you have been studying and working on yourself for 10 years, and approaching that much, and still get basically NO result, there must be something wrong with what you are doing. Not with YOU as a person. From your post above I can tell you are a nice guy, articulate and smart. But there is something wrong in the way you look/speak/move/act or a combination of the above.

You don't know what you don't know. That's why you haven't fixed your issues yet. You could hope you will find and fix them by yourself, but that hasn't worked well in the last 10 years, has it? A decade wasted. Dude!

I'd therefore strongly suggest you go and pay for coaching. A good coach will spot immediately what your problems are and will deliver to you on a silver platter the 3-4 specific things that would boost your game 500%. Is that worth 2-3K? I would definitely argue that it is. You could fork more for one-on-one, or buy one group coaching and do another a year later (if you need it).

You should also join a lair and make friends with good guys as much as you can. You need external eyes. You need help. Not forum help. Real life help.

I don't really read /r/seduction that much so I'm not sure what's the consensus here about paid coaching. I never paid for coaching myself and was kind of against it, as someone who was in the community at the start before commercial coaching even existed. But years later I was a coach myself for a while, and I could tell that the 2K my clients were paying was money very well spent. It's nothing in the grand scheme of things and if it can shave years off your progress time, by God, do it.

I'm not going to recommend anyone so you don't think I'm trying to sell you anything. Just pick any good coach with good reviews from one of the top 10 companies and it should be fine.

recyclablebantha · 2013-06-17T08:18:25+00:00

Here's the backstory: I started out in early 2000s when I was still a teenager and david deangelo just started to get big. I went through most of his products and really worked hard on it for a long time.

I feel like I've done everything possible to improve myself both inside and outside of pickup by working on things like my personality, fitness, money, and just making myself interesting by doing interesting things.

Shit, I open every new person I meet, probably fifty girls a week. By shear numbers alone, I should have been way more successful than I am.

I'm going to be straight forward here. Your post reeks of Outcome Dependence. You say you've worked on inner game but you're doing this for the girls, and you're focused on how much you should be getting for the work you're doing. You have identifiable things you could be working on in your game.

You're also pinning your self-confidence on women, which is a problem.

A few questions:

Is there a common pattern as far as when your sets break down? Do you usually get a number close? A k-close? When do they flake out?

I've only had one serious relationship and only slept with one girl (same girl). Don't get me wrong, I've made out with more and done stuff like that and most girls I meet tell me I'm a really good conversationalist/personality...etc but they're just not interested in me like that.

If you have problems with your inner game here, as I am guessing, then those problems probably caused the disintegration of this relationship. (EDIT: I bring this up because examining this will cause you to confront the same issues that are fucking with your inner game.)

Did she break up with you?
What was it like in the relationship, at the end?
What was the stated reason for the break-up?
Did you see the break-up coming?

2013-06-17T14:22:20+00:00

If you're getting kisses maybe you're just underestimating how much the girls are into you...

__Cyber_Dildonics__ · 2013-06-17T10:07:13+00:00

I'm reading Mark Manson's Models book and about half way through it. There is almost no way you could read that book, genuinly work on every part and still not have more women in your life than you have time for.

A couple of huge things.

Stop eating sugar and do intensive weight workouts to keep fit. It is simple and doesn't take much time, ( but that doesn't mean it is easy ).

Really evaluate your hygiene. Are you super clean?

Do your clothes fit? If not, throw them away, burn them, don't ever wear them.

Escalate. When you approach 50 girls a week, are you expecting them to jump on your dick? They won't. You have to consistently escalate until they limit you, pace you, or stop you.

When people plateu it is because they resist actually changing themselves. If you have a heavy accent see a speech therapist and get it more towards what you see in movies or on TV. If your teeth have any room for improvement, see a dentist.

There could be many sticking points and you need to be willing to change yourself. There is very likely something huge that you are not revealing. If you really want to find out, you could always put up a youtube video of you talking.

Tenmagnet · 2013-06-17T23:50:11+00:00

You are obviously doing something VERY wrong, judging by your results. An overweight, badly dressed guy who doesn't open will usually get laid two or three times in 10 years, and you're doing significantly worse than him.

It's pretty clear you don't know what you're doing wrong, and you seem to have a huge blind spot. You should probably hire a coach to help you, or at the very least ask a friend who actually knows something about women.

Most likely, the advice they give will be something you instinctively reject - something that seems horrible and alien to you. That's why you haven't noticed that you need to do it. The stuff you're most afraid of is usually the stuff you need to do the most.

2013-06-18T05:45:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

GeneralTry · 2013-06-18T23:33:12+00:00

You know, a lot of times I read these kinds of posts I feel like I can relate to them very much so. Personally, I think that there are deeper rooted confidence issues that degrade the quality of our game.

I've had the same kind of success as you. I have a good job , I am 22 , I graduated a month ago Magna Cum Laude from University. I have a 2014 mustang, have my own apartment. I have a good fashion sense , I know what to buy, what fits me , what doesn't (I also get help from /r/makefashionadvice , can never be too sure). I am good looking (I've had very attractive girls tell me they find me attractive physically), I am 5¨10 and 150 lbs, exercise daily and carefully watch my diet.

I cannot for the life of me "woo" a woman. Why? Because all that shit I just mentioned that I have can only hold a woman's attention for so long before my shitty confidence and social skills eat away at her attention, to the point were the woman is no longer interested. (At least that's what I feel the problem is)

From what I read you and I have some things in common, and I think that I need to see someone in order to fix my underlying confidence issues before I can be successful at this game. Perhaps the same can be said of you, I guess only you can decide that.

It's all about personality and confidence.

0x48656c6c6f · 2013-06-17T06:19:28+00:00

Where are you meeting women? How many day 2s? Can you give an example of interaction(s) you think went well but didn't end up going anywhere?

sugarmine · 2013-06-20T17:30:02+00:00

If you really just want to have sex, try posting on your local craigslist. You can definitely (eventually) find women (who aren't hookers) who want to sleep with you. They might not be the most attractive women ever, but in my town anyway there are tons of people hooking up through craigslist and even more who just "sext" with random strangers they met online. I know you mentioned online dating but craigslist is usually a better place to find casual sex, so give it a try. This isn't a permanent solution as I assume you'd eventually like to be in a relationship, but if you're desperate for a hookup it could help and at least you could gain some experience and confidence. It could even turn into a FWB type situation, it's worked for me before. (I'm a fairly attractive woman though so I'm sure it was much easier for me than for others. But I am proof that it does work!)

Also, you said you've had success making non-romantic friends. Try making friends with some women (without seeing them as potential future romantic partners). Becoming genuine friends with a few women might help you diminish the feeling that all women see you as "worthless." Because real friends don't see each other that way! Plus once you are friends, they may be able to give you some advice that your male friends wouldn't think of. Different perspectives and all. I'd just strongly caution against becoming their friends while secretly hoping that eventually you'll become romantically involved, because women tend not to like that (and usually your "secret" hopes are more obvious than you think) and doing this might put you in situations that are damaging to your self-esteem rather than helpful.

markerje3 · 2013-06-21T19:11:25+00:00

Okay, I used to be in the same boat. Unfortunately the solution isn't easy. You want to become interesting. So interesting that you always have something interesting to talk about. This gives you confidence to approach and open, and to cover the quiet moments or just keep things moving along if she's boring. When you've mastered that - and it'll take a lot of practise - you can learn to steer the conversation more towards her. Ask open questions; follow them up; tease her and joke; use an anecdote about your life which relates. you're not opening it right, man. http://youtu.be/QyPOOitgCuQ

maestroni · 2013-06-17T06:20:13+00:00

Three questions:

1) Is your body fat below 15%? If not, get more lean.

2) Do you wear well-fitting and matching clothes every day? If not, change your wardrobe.

3) Do you read at least 1 (non-seduction related) book per week? If not, start doing it.

If it still doesn't work, I would recommend hiring someone to look at your approaches and interactions and to point out your mistakes.

euph0r1a · 2013-06-17T05:30:43+00:00

It's all in the attitude. Fake it til you make it.

You think that girls perceive you as worthless? That's because you think you have nothing to offer them.

What DO you have to offer them? Actually list specific things - money, fitness etc. are vague. Can you bench 225? Do you make $100k+ a year? Write down things you kick ass at.

but they're just not interested in me like that.

You sound like a Nice Guy. Be more selfish, you don't owe these girls shit until you're sleeping with them. It's completely counter-intuitive, but stop giving a fuck about women. Go and meet them, sure, but make yourself purposefully unavailable (preferably by actually DOING shit in your spare time). If they're interested, they'll chase.

It sounds like you meet a lot of women but are too scared to escalate anything with them. Women want it just as much as you do, but you've gotta lead in your interactions. Do that, and they'll follow.

There was another post on here today, I Am The Prize. Read it - very useful mindset to be in.

Title	I've been doing this for a decade with almost no success. I have a fresh start in a new town and need serious help.
Author	TripD
Upvotes	16
Comments	30
Date	June 17, 2013 5:20 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ghy0h/ive_been_doing_this_for_a_decade_with_almost_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-been-doing-this-for-a-decade-with-almost-no.1353959 https://theredarchive.com/post/1353959

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