whats wrong with apologizing?

ItsBinissTime · 2016-04-23T17:05:48+00:00

The problem is that you're looking to her for approval and validation. You're practically begging her to define who you should be.

This is unhealthy and damaging to you, and prevents you from being someone she could be attracted to.

If you feel that you've failed to some degree in social calibration - you read the situation wrong and misjudged the level of familiarity, comfort, etc. - then use that knowledge to improve your behavior. Don't make it even worse by discussing it with her and seeking her approval.

Now obviously you shouldn't use this approach as an excuse to be a jerk. But calling a girl cute "randomly" is very very far from rude behavior that merits an apology.

Your un-called-for capitulation just screams insecurity and neediness. Her response is essentially rewarding you for seeking her approval. It likely indicates that she now considers you "safe", like a feeble old man or a baby, and not a sexual contender.

EDIT: What? None of this happened in person? Stop cyber-stalking and go meet people.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2016-04-23T16:12:25+00:00

There's nothing wrong with apologizing if you're apologizing for the right reasons. If you genuinely feel as though you did something wrong and you genuinely want to make up for it, then feel free to apologize.

CrushHazard · 2016-04-23T19:43:05+00:00

There is nothing wrong with apologizing in general, but the scenario you describe is not good. "Aww, it's okay and thank you so much" is pretty much code for "I'm never going to have sex with you."

She is pretty much telling you, "don't be too direct", so rather than worrying about whether or not you should apologize, you should be worrying that you are coming off as too direct. It puts too much pressure on women, and women hate to be pressured.

Be more indirect and you will get better results.

High-minded_Hamster · 2016-04-23T17:11:29+00:00

You might want to try introducing a statement like "You're cute" by first acknowledging that it is random, so it doesn't therefore seem out of the blue. I.e., "I know this is kind of random, but you're cute." According to Mark Manson, telling someone bluntly they are cute (to a total stranger) is not a social norm and can sometimes be construed as shady (like in the case with your example). By communicating that what you are doing might be weird, and that you know it's weird, you actually come off as not being weird; you come off as someone who is socially aware instead and therefore, less creepy.

I think this would solve your apology issue before it even arises.

EDIT: Why is this comment being downvoted? I guess Mark Manson, a man who has slept with hundreds of women, is full of shit huh?

Title	whats wrong with apologizing?
Author	QuantumSpecter
Upvotes	1
Comments	16
Date	April 23, 2016 4:09 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4g42jg/whats_wrong_with_apologizing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-wrong-with-apologizing.1405801 https://theredarchive.com/post/1405801

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