What's wrong with oneitis?

zammazingo · 2011-07-28T19:41:11+00:00

If you love one girl and that one girl loves you back, then that's a healthy relationship. Nobody is against that.

If you love a girl, that one girl loves another guy, and you just stick around saying that one girl will someday like you, then that's oneitis.

I despise oneitis because it hurts you. It hurts relationship with other girls who might like you. It hurts your relationship with your friends. It also hurts your self respect. So, basically by getting stuck with a girl that does not (and will probably never) like you, you are f-ing your self.

The suggestion I give here is simple. Try to flirt with a girl, try to see if she likes you. If she does not, then move to next one. Don't get stuck with a girl that might potentially never like you.

And no, it does not take 6 months to figure out if she likes you or not. It usually takes a week or two at max. If i dont get any IOIs then I stop chasing after 3-5 days.

ConcordApes · 2011-07-28T19:39:01+00:00

OK. Let me ask you what is wrong with:

Pining away for someone who does not return your interest, especially when this obsession prevents you from forming other good healthy relationships.
Getting treated like shit by someone because you "love" them.
Getting used by someone because you are obsessed with them.

What it boils down to is when you are willing to depreciate yourself as a person due to an obsession for one single other individual.

nonatal · 2011-07-28T19:34:23+00:00

It's an unhealthy infatuation where you put this other person on a pedestal and glorify them. You find no fault with them. It's one-sided obsession.

perchrc · 2011-07-28T19:44:44+00:00

When you have one-itis the girl will usually not reciprocate your feelings for her, because it causes you to act weak, insecure and needy. This would be the opposite of what women look for in men. It will prevent you from pursuing other women, and usually leave you heartbroken in the end.

seventhirteen · 2011-07-28T20:14:13+00:00

Most comments are covering exactly what the term implies, however, I think it also tries to cover the concept of a "true love" or a "soul mate".

Very often these ideas turn into crippling concepts, leading some men to believe they must do anything possible to acquire the attention of a single individual, or that their life will lose meaning somehow.

Its hard for some people, but there is not such thing as a "true love", "oneitis" should be used to describe a person that is blind to this fact and is very infatuated (or even obsessed) with a girl.

This is far from a healthy monogamous relationship, yet I'm sure most people go through it at least once.

boyfrienddestroyers · 2011-07-28T22:06:35+00:00

Do you REALLY want to know what's wrong with oneitis? Here, let me tell you my story.

(Background: High school junior here, pretty young for Reddit I guess, but 'oneitis'/relationships in general are rampant in high school)

There's this girl. For the sakes of this story we'll call her Allie. I met Allie as a freshman, and she was a sopohomore. I barely knew her when we were introduced since I was introduced to their group, but I often ate lunch with them and I wasn't into her at all because she was just there, it wasn't 'love at first sight' or any of that crap. She was just another friend to me that year.

Sophomore year, we have math together because I'm super smart and we happen to have the same class/period. First semester again, I didn't care anything in the world for her because I only knew her, but we weren't that close. At this time I've been liking different girls left and right, but I haven't made any progress with them at all.

Then came second semester. Allie sat behind me and I don't know how it started, why it started, or when it started, but we just started talking together. It started off as simple jokes about being Russian, jokes I had with my calculator, and so on, and I couldn't help but think at the time if I just friendzoned her or so on because we were friends that talked all the time platonically, and I wouldn't be on her leash but I did show that I wasn't head over heels for her but just a good opposite sex friend. I'm guessing she liked that.

Some day in March some girl once again stepped on my heart or some AFC crap I believed so I was thinking again about being single, and back then I believed things such as 'being single sucks' and 'if you're not into a girl you're x' and so on. I began to think about my relationship with Allie. Looking back, I friendzoned her automatically as a defense mechanism, but I realized I opened up to her a lot and spent a lot of time with her in class and lunch (which were back to back) and I realized she made me happy. Not just happy, but this type of happy was exhilirating, like the best type of happiness in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever experience anything that makes me as happy as my early times with her.

EDIT: I'm still writing this, give me a second.

puaCurveBall · 2011-07-28T19:55:13+00:00

If all the reasons is it bad for your mental health don't convince you, lets not forget that is not what women want. They don't want to be on a pedestal and don't want a man without other options. onetis is a huge attraction killer for women.

sixxis · 2011-07-29T03:05:39+00:00

ummm...it is a DISEASE?!?! last time I checked diseases aren't good.

2011-07-29T05:32:44+00:00

It's borderline obsession which is the definition of creepy. Plus you have to keep them interested working for you so you don't get taken for granted. Always let it be known you can move on to better things.

BroGangsterProPUA · 2011-07-30T00:01:52+00:00

everything.

sickunt · 2011-07-29T02:05:19+00:00

So true, fuck 10 other girls (relly jsut one or two) and your oneitis will be gone. I had it bad until the good old PUA community set me free and damn I could not even imagine dating a girl like the one I had oneitis for now.

Title	What's wrong with oneitis?
Author	tomorrowagain
Upvotes	16
Comments	25
Date	July 28, 2011 7:23 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j2gny/whats_wrong_with_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-wrong-with-oneitis.1320698 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320698

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