Where do I go from here?

misconrm · 2014-12-02T06:27:54+00:00

You're going to have a ton of free time.

This free time is the bane of any breakup in my mind. It's time you spend wallowing in your own sorrow, thinking about what it'd be like to get back together. Stop that shit. Do do other shit. Shit that makes you not think or care about what she is doing. If you can fill it doing something you love, all the better.

Join a sports league or any group that meets frequently and be outgoing. Introduce yourself confidently and suggest grabbing a beer with the group after a game/meeting etc.

Learn something new or find a healthy hobby. Coding, guitar, chess, woodworking, skateboarding, lifting weights, running. Find what you're passionate about.

Enjoy life being single. At first, the time spent not texting/on the phone will seem weird, but once you find ways to fill the time that you used to spend with her, you'll learn to appreciate the alone time.

Whatever you do and wherever you go, talk to people. Small talk with random strangers makes it feel much less forced when you small talk with women you're interested in.

TL;DR: You'll have more time. Do fun shit. Savor your singledom. Talk to people.

8sweettooth8 · 2014-12-02T08:39:19+00:00

I would love to give you advice but this belongs in /r/AskSeddit

This1TimeBackinNam · 2014-12-02T12:56:00+00:00

Break ups have historically been the single most motivating force in my life. Turn it into a good thing. Focus on fitness and hobbies you like. Try something new. Go hiking to an awesome location. Do something that you've wanted to do but dont have the time. Travel someplace-for the weekend, a week, or even a couple months if you can make it happen. Try not to think about the ex too much in a negative way or in a way where you miss her. It's over, no use dwelling on the past. In order to do this you cant send 1 single message to her anyplace-facebook, text, phone, email...nothing. This isn't being mean to her, it is protecting yourself from negative feelings coming up and hurting you. When you protect yourself you are able to get over her better and focus on making your life positive instead of dwelling on the negative past, which has the power to destroy a man from the inside out if you let it. Dont let it. No contact for at least 2-3 weeks. Even after that it's best to keep it to short cordial conversations if you must do it for some reason (bitch still has your favorite pair of socks or something).

Dont worry, we all been there. Hop back on the horse.

Also, if you notice, i didnt even mention other girls in this post. Dont worry about other girls. Worry about yourself. When you're doing these things, the girls will come.

andrespos · 2014-12-02T04:48:59+00:00

I wish I had your courage bro, i am in a similar situation but can't break up due to sheer fear of breaking someone's heart into a million pieces someone i love but not the kind of love she deserves. If it serves as any consolation i look up to you and respect you for what you are doing

Sushi-san · 2014-12-02T07:55:08+00:00

I've been with the same girl for eight years. We broke up three years ago. I still don't know where to go from there. I've had one girlfriend for two moths and that's it; being with another woman is very weird.

WhosCountin · 2014-12-03T02:50:24+00:00

Guys. Send posts like this to /r/AskSeddit. And then answer them there.

viksenpai · 2014-12-03T15:59:20+00:00

Hey mate, I'd just like to mention something. The no contact advice is solid for most people, but it should serve the purpose of protecting yourself, being in the situation you're in, not from a place of negativity or any ill feelings towards your ex.

I get why people always give that advice, but for the really self-aware person, I'd recommend not taking that route. If you're able to manage your emotions nicely, it would be more useful to simply stop perceiving her as your "ex", but simply a person, who has been a part of your life and decide if you want her to be a different part of your life from now on.

Source: I broke with my girlfriend of 6.5 years two months ago. I'm a bit reserved, as is expected, but we're still friends, we still talk like friends, I give her emotional support and spend time with her when I want to, just like I do with my other friends. We, of course, talk a lot less than we used to, but the reason that I kept her in my life is that I decided that she's a great person and I want it to be that way. Honestly, I'm a bit mad deep inside, I still haven't let it go completely, but I don't think that "no contact" would help with that.

Title	Where do I go from here?
Author	SillyBillyB
Upvotes	9
Comments	17
Date	December 2, 2014 3:09 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2o0bi2/where_do_i_go_from_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/where-do-i-go-from-here.1380396 https://theredarchive.com/post/1380396

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