This girl asked me to study with her today, and I thought she was weird, but pretty in a strange sort of way.

As she was explaining some concept I got really turned on, and I just wanted to say something like you have these really nice eyes or something.

I just couldn't fucking do it. She kept explaining it over and over again and I just sat there not understanding it (but staring at her), and I couldn't compliment her.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Have compassion for my inability to compliment her, realize that it was now affected and fake and gamey so I should just quit, push past my comfort zone and say it or what.

I don't know why I couldn't do it. I'm sure at the ground it was some form of fear of judgment or of making the interaction awkward. In the moment, I knew a more confident version of me would have said something. But then I wondered if it was everything I had done up to this point that had made it this hard-- a foregone conclusion.

Now I keep replaying it in my head beating myself up for my goddamned inadequacy and cowardice.

I'm looking for compassionate analysis or provocative questions here. Don't answer this question if you're not a deep-thinking individual who has struggled with life.

Definitely don't fucking answer this if you want to say "go lift weights" or "stop jacking off." Fuck out of here with that. What is this? R/braincels?