When I was in a mindset of neediness and scarcity, dates were overwhelming. They were tryouts to impress women, to sell myself. If I messed up, it was a blown opportunity, or confirmation that I was inept.

When I adopted a mindset of abundance, I started seeing dates not only as a chance to have fun, but a chance to learn.

The end result of having the girl like me or trying to get her to sleep with me was no longer the focus.

Even if she ultimately wasn’t attracted to me, or it went nowhere, it wasn’t seen as a failure. It was an opportunity to learn social cues, to read attraction, to focus on being present and listen actively, to be sexual without being creepy.

I viewed the date as practice, so not only did I gain a greater understanding of worked for me, and understand what I wanted in a woman, and how to be the best version of myself when I met someone who fit me and I had a strong attraction to.

Expectation of her not being attracted to you shouldn’t be the default mindset going into the date; however, don’t focus on the end goal or receiving validation—whether it is a kiss, sex, or even another date.

Rather, stay in the present, have fun above all else, and stop putting pressure on yourself to impress.

There is an abundance of opportunity out there, and each date is a chance to fine-tune your process and discover what kind of person YOU want as well.