Introduction

While the focus on this subreddit is obviously about meeting women, let's take a step back and focus on human interactions in general. With regard to this subject, a widely read book is, among others, the book by Dale Carnegie on How to win friends and Influence people. In this post I'll summarize his idea as simple as possible and I'll argue how it relates to meeting women.

Become (interested in) the other person

The chapters in Dale Carnegie's book about meeting and befriending other people is mostly summarized as taking an intererest in other people and seeing things from their perspectives After "obtaining information" in this way, you use it to make people feel good about themselves, make them feel important. This is really core in most books on social skills. Every human being strives to feel good about themselves, and they will stick around people that give that feeling to them.

How this translates to women

To explain things I will start of by assuming that every 'pickup attempt' is basically a conversation with a girl (thus building rapport), in which attraction elements are added. Attraction elements are implemented. Attraction elements can be breaking rapport (teasing, negging etc.) and leading (see source ). My point is that every interaction with a girl starts with basic conversation, and this is where the advice on normal conversation of Dale Carnegie comes in: take interest in other people, put yourself in their place (see last paragraph).

Now, putting the emphasis on the other person, instead of yourself, diminishes the problem where your mind blanks and you don't know what to say anymore. Secondly, approach anxiety is alleviated because instead of approaching with some kind of goal in mind, your mindset is to just have a conversation and find out what she's like.

Conclusion

To conclude, in every interaction with another person, you should try to see things from their side and show a sincere interest in them. The difference between interactions where you try to pickup girls is that you add attraction elements to the conversation.

By putting the emphasis on the other person you are making things way easier for yourself. By focussing on advice on "what to say" and other routines you are just making it hard for yourself.

Note on aloofness A lot of seduction advice says that you should be aloof and indifferent etc. Note however, that being aloof and showing interest in the other person is not mutually exclusive. Being aloof basically means that you are willing to walk away. Also note that breaking rapport in the form of teasing is also shows aloofness.

Note on working on yourself "Putting the emphasis on others" does not mean that you shouldn't develop yourself (working out etc. etc.) This post is purely directed at the interaction with people, not on what you do outside of it (but obviously you should work on yourself too!)