You know what I wish?

Not_Like_The_Movie · 2011-10-27T01:57:41+00:00

There are two ways to reinforce behavior:

-Punishment - Which you described, is actually less effective. Killing yourself or having someone kill you is irrational and disproportionate. Stop thinking this. It's actually hurting your confidence.

-Reward - Which is actually more effective and makes you WANT to do something. The catch is that your drive actually goes down when the ability to gain a reward for doing something is no longer present, but you can always reward yourself.

If the reward of actually talking to women and forging relationships isn't enough, maybe you can treat yourself somehow when you feel like you've done well. If that sense of accomplishment or your new lady friends aren't enough, find something that is enough.

For example: Have I approached x number of girls this week?

Yes - Treat self to a nice dinner (perhaps with one of approached girls)

No - Don't reward self and try harder next time.

If girls are an adequate reward for overcoming your AA, maybe start looking at it like that when you're approaching.

durrrrrrrrrr · 2011-10-27T03:16:54+00:00

Not getting laid is a hell of a motivator.

2011-10-27T03:33:54+00:00

Sounds like you put too much emotional strain into this. Pick up is a hobby and should be fun.

testmypatience · 2011-10-27T03:40:31+00:00

The key as you have insinuated is that you must find enough reason to outweigh the forseen negatives.

It is easy to feel comfortable in the now and not forsee the awesome in the future.

We have comfort zones and you are having troubles pushing yours outwardly as fast as you want.

Let's say you are 25 and you have been not into seduction or social things for those 25 years. That means that you have 25 years of habits that go against being social.

You are now trying to break those habits and form new social habits as quickly as possible.

Do you smoke? If you do I will give you a challenge. I will send you an electronic cigarette free of charge if you approach 5 women during the day and 5 women at night. You have to approach and say anything you would like. It may even be as lame as, "do you like spinache?", BUT you must stay until and keep the conversation going until they leave the situation. You are not allowed to leave until they leave. It has to be in one day.

That is my challenge to you. I am fairly broke but I would love to change just one persons life towards the better and you seem to be going through things I have.

Do you accept this challenge?

tweeklulz · 2011-10-27T05:37:57+00:00

u sad bro

no_dating · 2011-10-27T09:39:03+00:00

You do have that.

You've got a friend who is constantly operating a switch that makes you feel REGRET. Every time you pass by that sexy number who made eye contact and smiled at you and do nothing, he flips the switch.

2011-10-27T17:31:00+00:00

Get over it. Nut up. It's hard, it's grimy, and it sucks. Learning about positive reinforcement or negative punishment or other psychological phenomena doesn't matter if you don't go out and approach.

Deal with it.

2011-10-27T18:08:18+00:00

Give a friend 20 or $100 bucks when you go out. If you don't talk to at least 3 girls (unless you lay one of the first 2 you talk to, that's the proviso), he gets to keep it.

The words will come blowing out your ass, believe me.

SuperSpicyCra · 2011-10-27T20:29:38+00:00

The book radical honesty has a really amazing passage about this particular topic. At the moment I first read it I was agonizing over approaching this beautiful Asian girl who was at a conference I was attending. Hundreds of excuses were running through my head, I was torn to pieces over it. The worst part is, I had done this exact dance hundreds of times before.

I'll summarize as best I can (although the book is better)

You are not two people. We like to view ourselves as conflicting whirlwinds of competing desires. e.g "I want to talk to that girl, but I just 'can't, because I am scared." This is a bullshit excuse that we give ourselves to avoid taking responsibility for our decisions.

You know what you would do if you really 'did' want to talk to that girl? You would go talk to her. If you did not go, that means you did NOT WANT to talk to her.

Maybe you were scared, but that's not why you didn't do it. You have done things that scared you before, right? Scared is a label we use to lie to ourselves. It's not because you are scared. It is because you have made other decisions that you are hiding from your ego. e.g

"I do not want to talk to that girl because she might not like me."

"I do not want to talk to that girl because I might look stupid or it might embarrass me in front of the people watching"

"I do not want to talk to that girl because I do not want to prove to myself that I really am a loser (like I suspect I am), I would rather live in doubt."

Sometimes they are just plain silly...

"I do not want to talk to that girl because I am unhappy with my life as it is, that is part of my identity, and I do not want to lose it. I wouldn't be me if I was the kind of person that took risks like that." This one seems ridiculous but I would venture a guess that it is the most common.

Now that you're being honest about why you are not doing what you claim to want to do, you can analyze the real shit going through your head and evaluate it. This realization is huge, because you start to go "Wait a second... That's what's stopping me? Fuck that. I am going to go talk to this girl because I want to and that's that." If you really want to, you will do it.

After I read that passage, I stood straight up, walked over to that beautiful Asian girl, got my ass shot down horrifically... and felt... amazing.

iznou · 2011-10-27T04:20:40+00:00

downvote

Title	You know what I wish?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	17
Date	October 27, 2011 1:45 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lqg0x/you_know_what_i_wish/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/you-know-what-i-wish.1324334 https://theredarchive.com/post/1324334

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