First time poster, I will keep this short and sweet. I started dialysis December 2018. I obviously couldn't work any more. We got married in November 2019. She started an affair with her boss Oct. 26th 2020. I was completely unaware of this until June 5th 2023. In those 3 years, I had 30+ surgeries to get my body to the place where I can get a transplant. Drain tube in the heart and and open heart surgery to remove the lining of my heart after dialysis failed. I never once complained. I had to drive myself to dialysis every day, take and pick up the kids from school, do their lunch, dinner, baths, dishes, laundry, every domestic duty. All while she was supposedly working. Those years were the loneliest scariest times of my life. I was not a priority, she treated me as an inconvenience.

I finally went to a lawyer last week. I am finding it extremely difficult to follow through though. She is a convert narcissist. I feel like such pansy. I told her I don't want assets, alimony, child support; All of which I am entitled. I just want her sit down and talk to me. I doubt that will happen. I am delusional guys. I will need some type of support. I feel if I try for $$ then it will hurt the kids.

I get excited over bread crumbs from her.. I know my worth and I have not received that in many years from her. I was dying and it didnt matter.. She isn't going to changed. In the past 12 weeks I go through stages of motivation and determination. Then stages of I cant leave. 2 Kids involved that I do EVERYTHING for. I left for the weekend and no routine was followed, they ate like shit, didn't get a bath and was thrown on the tv while she sat outside and smoked.

I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome sometimes. I got a transplant Aug 2022 and I just started to go back to work. I should be taking full advantage of this new life! On my one year kidney anniversary she said she didn't think it was a big deal. I am trying so HARD to just keep my mouth shut and stack money and make sure my kids are stable. I know exactly what I need to do and I am doing it the best I can as rationally and organized as possible. I am 35, first marriage and need some divorce tips. I guess I just need some push guys and a way to keep my damn mouth shut until I can make another move. I feel like I am being selfish, my kids have everything they need.. physically and emotionally. I feel like I am bout to disrupt all that. I know I didn't survive all that horrible crap to do this.. Thank you for listening to me.