I used to be a heavy pickme, desperately trying to get male attention and thinking that being different than “the other girls” was better.

During this time I developed friendships with certain people but there was always a certain power dynamic. While I had more success in other aspects (school, job etc) I was always seen as less... very chaotic, very bad in socialising and more. I was a whole chaos and always thought it was entirely my fault and that I can be lucky that those friends stayed by my side regardless.

Funnily I started to change a lot the past 1-2 years reading this Reddit and watching many FDSs approved youtuber. I got into Psychology too, started to work harder on my goals, saved money up for those and changed my style. I started to feel more like an responsible adult instead a confused teenager. A lot of those changes also required some sacrifices but I was ready to take them.

The problem was... I thought all of this would get encourage by those friends. I honestly believe they would be happy about my change, respect and appreciate my concerns and advises I would give them. Genuinely, I wanted the best for them and reflected on my old problems and offered solutions when I saw they had still a similar one.

Oh oh dear, did this went bad. Not only was I considered a crazy one, I got called evil to for being more critical toward men, for raising my standards, for pointing out flaws instead just pat on peoples back and let them have “fun”. I took people’s words more serious and took them accountable when their actions didn’t reflect on it. This all resulted to me being lowkey casted out of the group and basically being ignored. None of those people even try to contact me anymore or genuinely being interested in my life. I turned from the person who was liked and invited to events to someone who basically didn’t exist anymore.

At the beginning it made me sad, I question if I went to far... and then realised it was a defensive mechanism from their side. It was easier to say I became a terrible person instead reflect on their own actions and standpoint in life. It takes less effort, easier to stay in denial.

My biggest approval for this was I meet new people with similar goals and ambitions. For the first time after years I didn’t felt like an outcast anymore; someone below everyone else. I made genuine friendships with people who treated me now so much nicer and respectful than those old friends. I finally felt like being taken serious and also accountable whenever I was slacking. When looking at those people I feel proud and motivated to become a better person and not just stay the same.

In other words, losing all those old friends was the best thing that happen to me and it reminded me that I never want to take advise from people anymore with who I never want to change places with.