Single mom wants to level up

oldncranky1982 · 2020-07-28T18:24:11+00:00

There's a vibe here that you need to acknowledge - this air that men will love in spite of something rather than because of something. The later is scary as a concept. We project our insecurity out into the world and assume that others feel the same as us. But that's not true. Many men will love you BECAUSE you are a good mother. My son is autistic and I have avoided dating as I assume no one would stay. I've come to the conclusion that what scares me more is that someone would stay. That someone would love me because of who I am, not in spite of it.

The first step is to accept who you are. To love it here and now. That's not to say you can't change something, but know you can be loved as you are and because of who you are.

mostdefinitelynturs · 2020-07-28T16:07:26+00:00

I too am a POC 30 year old single mom. My son is 7 and his dad is barely involved. I was done with him during my pregnancy and I thought I was safe because I met him in college. He was hitting me up for sex last year. And because I won't sleep with him, he won't see his son. He hasn't been around since last October and he didn't even call or show for his son's birthday in June. I try to forget that his father exists because it breaks my heart that he refuses to grow up. Im in school as well as working trying to raise a child alone. I do have family and they help me; but I want a family myself. Being a pick me has cost me a lot and I'm working on growing out of that. Im over meaningless relationships and thinking guys can treat me however they want. I've told my mom that I'd rather be alone than settle. I don't mind reciprocating in a relationship; but I'll be damned if I have to mule myself to put a smile-a fake one at that on a man's face. I'm also starting to learn that I'm my own person. I grew up with my feelings invalidated a lot so I felt like making others feel better would make them happy; but I was robbing myself the right to be happy. I was failing myself. I'm glad that you brought this up to light because I thought there wasn't anyone else who really understood how it feels to simply exist. To take it a step further, dating interracially his hard because you dont want to wind up with a racist piece of shit. Then wanting to date black men is hard because they want to play around too. In today's world, it's like "Damn you really think like that?" And they believe that their behavior is normal. Its like our only options in men are sorry, lazy, broke, misogynistic, hateful, uneducated, abusive, the list goes on.. The struggle is very real; but fds has definitely opened my eyes on how to navigate living amongst men.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-07-28T16:25:05+00:00

I’m a (white) single mom, and you have to be WAAAAY more picky when you have a child. Also, telling men you want marriage and more kids up front runs them off and comes off as clingy and needy (ask me how I know😂).

If a man is not proclaimed childfree, he likely wants kids. I wouldn’t even bring it up specifically unless you get past the stage where you are committed, unless he asks. Then I’d say something like “I’d consider having children with the right person”. That way it’s not coming across like “ omg, yes, I want your babies”.

I can’t stress enough how hard to you need to vet as a single mom though. I’ve been divorced for 5 years, and only once had a man meet my children, but it ended up not working out.

You’ve got this!

Jinxhourglass · 2020-07-28T17:01:18+00:00

I’m not a mom but I was raised by a single mom and I think this is good advice:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CDAQMXmJtq2/?igshid=tvuwamkj78na

Title	Single mom wants to level up
Author	Levelupmama
Upvotes	34
Comments	11
Date	July 28, 2020 9:55 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hzbvvm/single_mom_wants_to_level_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/single-mom-wants-to-level-up.719430 https://theredarchive.com/post/719430

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