I’m not naming it because I’m not sure if that’s against the rules, but let’s just say it’s a sub for a generation raised on the idea that if you want to land a guy? I was taught you have to give up the physical stuff first, then sit pretty and wait and hope you get picked. Throughout my teens and up to my early 30s, barring being religious, I didn’t even know there were other options.

Honestly, I see again and again and again, these posts from women who have been used and ghosted and had their hearts stomped on, or just feel the unfulfillment from their casual encounters and realize they want and deserve better. I posted supportive messages of the OP and others on that train (I’ve posted a lot of supportive comments on the sub, of both men and women making good decisions) and a couple ladies women come screaming at me, (some with all caps) when I presented backup as to why a lot of women decline. Helpful info that I either learned here or my changed perspective lead me to seek out.

One of the articles that gave a general overview of male mating behavior patterns written by a man in the psych field apparently was an issue, as was a list of the impact of STDs on female bodies and a study done showing that hookups have lower orgasm rates . I don’t know what this pick-me was on about but she found the facts infuriating and really did The Cherry Pick Twist on me.

Must have been reported because after some seriously well-thought out and informative responses that challenged the notion of early sex, they perma-banned me. And whatever mod over there I messaged was a total dick, something about “sorry for interrupting your role play”, which is not only rude but makes 0 sense. That was it, no further explanation, and then had me muted. The only roleplay going on is a sub that professes to help, when it really just supports maintaining a certain power structure that prioritizes a certain group. Because meanwhile, you have a) women who are dismissive of the waiting choice, responding with the whole “heyyyy hookups have their place!” and b) guys on there who are shaming women saying they “just aren’t sexually liberated” or “women set these arbitrary timelines” (of course, women waiting does not benefit men trying to gain and retain power). One of those users even posted one of those “women are golddiggers” gems on a different sub. Do they get to post still? Of course they do!

WTF with those subs? I’ve had other instances where I got crap for pointing out patterns in men, which apparently means I think all men. They aren’t helping the single women there at all. It’s like women are just supposed to keep rolling the dice with their vaginas and hoping they’ll get a different result. But so often, it just doesn’t work. It’s encouraging to see so many women now say “No to that!” but it hurts to see other women who haven’t gotten the memo that they really don’t have to do this if it’s not working. If they want to and, as one woman put it, have 0 consequences (lucky one she is), fine, but I’ll say the same if you eat McDonalds daily. It’s your right and I won’t shame you and tell you not to do it. I’ve done it. I’ve slipped up, from loneliness. But I’m not down with you trying to get other people to do it so you feel validated, and I’m not condoning it either.

It’s hard to know dozens if not more will continue to go there for advice unique to our age group, and will get feedback that does not serve their best interests.

I feel pretty down that there is so little support on Reddit for women to have have romantic relationships with strong foundations, boundaries, and respect.

Please feel free to post about your successful FDS rescue missions, and how you did it. Could use some positivity. Thanks.