Been separated from the ex for more than a decade now. Had a son with her, joint custody was the initial agreement, and was working fine. He was with me every other weekend, and three nights a week. I was a main parent with time up his sleeve. A good position to be in, despite the fact I would have been more than happy to have him full time. I love that bastard more than life itself.

Was all going fine, until something went wrong in her world. No idea what, might just have been emotional stress or something else at play. But a couple of years ago she started going a bit nuts. Phonecalls every other day ranting on about how much of an asshole I was, how she was pissed about this and that. Like I give a shit, I haven't stepped foot in your house for ten years, lady.

But the abuse got worse, and she started rocking up on my doorstep late at night in a rage, saying I didn't understand how tough things were and I needed to help out more. Sure, let the lad stay with me more often if it was hard. I was already paying for all school and extracurricular activities like swimming, guitar lessons etc, as well as paying her more support than was required - and by a margin too.

She said that's not what she meant. Did she actually say what she meant? Hell no. Just continued to yell and abuse be it on my doorstep, via email of via phone. Whatever. My skin is thick enough to have her do her thing and not have it take up any space in my head.

But she pulls the trump card. Now I can't see my boy through the week, as technically speaking, she's the primary carer (if you're unaware of Australian law, there's no 50/50 split. It must be 49/51, so somebody has to assume the 'main' responsibility). Any agreement we had with care was just worked out on the fly, depending on what the lad wanted. He was getting the best of both worlds and two active parents in his life, so we just rolled with it. Yes, classic rookie mistake. Get shit in writing, boys.

Getting threatened by using my boy as leverage? I see red. Tell her to brace herself and get lawyered up, because we're sorting this shit, and now. You'll hear from mine by noon tomorrow.

Go to lawyers, show them her communications for the last six months, get told to get down to the cop shop and file a restraining order (which was upheld, she's allowed to drop him off at the border property, but not allowed on the property itself). Lawyer gives her a parental agreement to sign, which she keeps putting off, but the abuse stops and the boy comes and goes from mine as he pleases, so it's not something I chase further. Result achieved. Rookie mistake number two, don't lay into me, lesson learned.

Just after his 12th birthday, he stops coming over. I ask why. He says he doesn't feel comfortable. I try to get to the bottom of things, with very little luck. My lawyers can't seem to get an answer, my social circle has no clues, and him being at that age makes it difficult to 'make' him do anything, even in the eyes of the law.

Turns out to nobody's surprise the bitch has poisoned the well. Find out later that apparently I don't look after him or provide proper care, or show love. Nigga you fucking what? My cupboards are full of his foods, his clothes, his entire belongings like an xbox and bigscreen TV etc. Fuck, I even let him have the main bedroom with ensuite, and I slept in one of the smaller rooms. My time with him was spent either cooking, down at the basketball courts, or dicking about with vidya. My life was him.

There's more shenanigans to write about as I try to get access to him, but the end result is that there's been radio silence from him for nearly 18 months.

Until yesterday. He called. His voice has broken, he now sounds like a man I've never met. He wants to come over Xmas day. Don't know what the conversation will be like, but it's a nice surprise. And somehow, I find myself nervous. I don't know what to expect. I'll just roll with it, I don't think any issue needs to be pushed for now. I'm just looking forward to his company.

Wish me luck boys, and have yourselves a fine Xmas.

GYOW.