Intimacy difficult for men who were molested while growing up

king_rootin_tootin · 2024-04-15T14:52:19+00:00

I was molested by my Mom when I was like nine till eleven years old. I had a total of one relationships with a woman in my life and it ended when I had a panic attack during sex. She pushed me down a flight of steps when I tried to talk to her about it and told me to never speak to her again and called me a "pervert."

Society says her behavior was "empowering".

Azurmuth · 2024-04-15T10:54:40+00:00

Translation:

How do men who were victims of abuse and sexual violence as children or young people deal with their trauma as adults? And how are their love relationships affected? A new study from Malmö University tells about changing strategies - and a kind of double exposure.

Feelings of guilt and shame often plague the victim of abuse. Men are also particularly affected by the feeling of powerlessness, which goes against the masculine norm.

Many of the men yearned for stable, close and trusting relationships where they can feel safe with a partner who understands them and what they have been through.

That's what Charlotte Petersson says, PhD in social anthropology in the field of sexual and reproductive health at Malmö University. She has conducted repeated interviews with fifteen men between the ages of twenty and seventy. The majority of them were subjected to rape and sexual abuse as boys, in most cases by relatives, teachers or sports managers, most of whom were men. A couple were raped as young adults. For many of them, it was the first time they had told in-depth and detailed stories. But the memory, even though it had been almost sixty years, was deeply engraved in both body and psyche.

There has been a barrier against telling stories. For the elderly in the study, it wasn't even on the map. Only now, several decades later, have they understood the extent of what they have been through and started processing, says Charlotte Petersson, who did the study together with Lars Plantin, professor of social work at Malmö University.

Many in healthcare are also not trained in receiving a sexually traumatized man.

There is not much research on how men are affected by sexual violence and although it has become more accepted to seek help, there are still significantly fewer men than women who do.

Many in healthcare are also not trained in receiving a sexually traumatized man, says Charlotte Petersson.

The Malmö researchers Lars Plantin and Charlotte Petersson have done a study based on in-depth interviews with men who were subjected to sexual abuse, in most cases as children.

Feelings of guilt and shame often plague the victim of abuse. With the men, an extra dimension is added, she believes. A man must - according to the masculine norm that is still largely prevalent - be able to fend off attacks. He should not be powerless, not be a victim.

$This also applies to sexuality, you must be active and outreach. If you also find it difficult to put into words what happened, it is easy for you to start doubting yourself and your own sexuality, says Lars Plantin.

The questioning can lead to a kind of paradoxical spiral of thought.

As a man, I'm supposed to like sex, so why didn't I like this? And if the perpetrator was a man, does that mean I'm gay? Or, if it was a woman, what does that mean?

Being sexually offensive can also be a way of trying to prove to yourself that you are not affected by the abuse.

Several of the men in the study told us that they had difficulty liking their own bodies. One man expressed that he was disgusted by his naked body, that it was like a constant reminder of the abuse. Some reported that they avoided being naked, which made intimacy and sex difficult.

Others experienced almost a sexual compulsion, a type of promiscuity as a way to suppress anxiety. Being sexually offensive can also be a way of trying to prove to yourself that you are not affected by the abuse, says Lars Plantin.

Charlotte Petersson, PhD in social anthropology in the field of sexual and reproductive health at Malmö University.

Over the years, the men have tried different strategies and approaches. Tried to grasp and understand. Many testify that they initially lived in chaos and dealt with the trauma by throwing themselves into addiction, aggression and crime, says Charlotte Petersson.

But over the years they have found other paths and other masculinities, which have allowed them to be more emotional and act in other ways.

Lars Plantin nods:

It is interesting that it was common for them to choose creative professions where they have the opportunity to release their emotions. These men do everything to ensure that their own children are not exposed to something similar. Several of the men in the study have had multiple divorces. Some have chosen to live alone without a partner. Sex and intimacy have been too difficult and painful.

It has rarely been an easy path. 'For the vast majority, it has been important to find a secure partner with whom they can be open and who understands why they are the way they are and does not take it personally,' says Charlotte Petersson.

Lars Plantin, professor of social work at Malmö University.

The fear of what others will think and believe is often strong and can cause problems in different types of social relationships, they say. The worst is the fear of being defined as a potential perpetrator. There is a widespread belief in society that anyone who has been subjected to violence or abuse as a child will become a perpetrator as an adult.

This view affects men, not least when they themselves become fathers. Looking at how many people are victims of sexual abuse, there is no such correlation. 'These men do everything to ensure that their own children are not exposed to something similar to what they themselves have experienced,' says Lars Plantin.

Salamadierha · 2024-04-15T12:09:03+00:00

In other words, boys who are abused by "NICE" teachers develop psych problems because of that, so they aren't the victimless crimes that is generally claimed.
We could use this online in English to shut those arguments down.

the3count · 2024-04-15T14:52:02+00:00

People who were forced into sexual situations as children have a hard time being in sexual situations when they're older? I'm shocked. Shocked i tell you

Sininenn · 2024-04-15T11:00:39+00:00

Shocker!

LowLifeExperience · 2024-04-15T19:14:36+00:00

Just as the message that boys don’t cry destroys us from the inside, this is no epiphany.

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-04-16T03:10:14+00:00

Holds even for men sexually victimized as adults.

GreatBayTemple · 2024-04-16T04:58:13+00:00

Welp, guess I can add that to a tally.

Title	Intimacy difficult for men who were molested while growing up
Author	Azurmuth
Upvotes	127
Comments	8
Date	April 15, 2024 10:51 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1c4j73l/intimacy_difficult_for_men_who_were_molested/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/intimacy-difficult-for-men-who-were-molested-while.1515179 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515179

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