What do I do?

because_misogyny · 2013-08-25T21:05:33+00:00

You don't need a shelter, you need a therapist. Pick up a phone book and start calling. Don't let fear of being judged keep you from reaching out to those best equipped to help you. Talk to the base chaplain, he/she might have good contacts for local therapists who might be able to help.

DougDante · 2013-08-26T02:57:44+00:00

TO:

[email protected] [email protected]

SUBJECT:

Protect this military man who is a victim of rape and other male victims like him

BODY:

United States Department of Justice [email protected]

Debra S. Murphy Attorney-Advisor Office for Civil Rights Office of Justice Programs United States Department of Justice XXX-XXX-XXXX [email protected]

Below is yet another male victim of rape who says he has been discriminated against on the basis of his gender when seeking assistance.

The "women's shelters" from which he was rejected were almost certainly federally funded shelters for victims of rape or domestic violence, and their acts of discrimination appear to me to be an open violation of his rights under VAWA 2013 and previous civil rights laws, including the Omnibus Crime Control and Safe Streets Act of 1968.

With regards to a previous complaint, OCR attorney Debra Murphey wrote:

"Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention. The Office for Civil Rights (OCR), Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice, generally does not initiate investigations based upon items in the news. If the individual in Ohio to whom your refer filed a Complaint with OCR, we would evaluate it. Instructions on filing a Complaint with OCR can be found at our website at: http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/about/ocr/complaint.htm. "

I will urge this person to file a complaint, as directed. You can also directly contact this person by making a free account at http://www.reddit.com/ and sending him a free message via his web page at http://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowAwayAfterUse92

However, I urge you to recognize that this is simply the most recent example in an obvious pattern of pervasive and illegal gender discrimination against male victims under VAWA, including those instances previously reported to you, and to take meaningful action to respect the rights of men, boys, and children who are victims of rape or domestic violence by insisting that your employees and federal contractors honor their moral and legal obligations to protect men, boys, and their children who are victims.

Please note also this man is a member of the United States military and his commanders there also appear to have failed to provide him with appropriate victims services. Again, this appears to me to be a potential violation of his civil rights as a victim under federal law.

I also urge you as law enforcement professionals to evaluate the actions of your contractors and employees for criminal violations of federal law, including but not limited to "18 USC § 241 - Conspiracy against rights" (including conspiring to discriminate against male victims and conspiring to cover for others discriminating against male victims), "18 USC § 249 - Hate crime acts" (including harming male victims), "18 USC § 1516 - Obstruction of Federal audit" (including fraudulently misrepresenting that these contractors are not illegally discriminating against male victims), "31 USC § 3729 - False claims" (possibly including fraudulent documentation denying pervasive and illegal discrimination), "18 USC Chapter 96 - RACKETEER INFLUENCED AND CORRUPT ORGANIZATIONS" (possibly including fraud, coercion, and kidnapping children from male victims of domestic violence through fraudulent misrepresentation), or "18 USC § 1001 - Statements or entries generally" (false statements).

Sincerely,

a.k.a. Doug Dante

PS: some previous reports:

Action Opportunity: Ask the Department of Justice to protect boys who are raped and sexually assaulted by women in juvenile halls http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1hntai/women_abusing_males_in_juvenile_detention/caw46a7

Action Opportunity: Ask the DOD to protect all warfighters from domestic violence, regardless of gender http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1b1391/hey_guys_active_duty_army_dv_survivor_here_this/c937rpz

Action Opportunity: Help Stop Prosecutor Bias under VAWA http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1aiq5t/2013_stop_prosecutor_bias_save_stop_abusive_and/c8xrg0p

Action Opportunity: Ask Attorney General Eric Holder to act on his words and stop VAWA taxpayer funded discrimination against men and boys who are victims of domestic violence and rape http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/19wmky/vawa_protects_men_update_statement_by_attorney/c8ryj60

Evidence That the HHS-OIG Fails to Conduct Independent and Objective Audits and Investigations of Title IV-D (child support and parenting time) Agencies: The lack of response you may expect when reporting potential crimes to federal investigators. http://www.scribd.com/doc/111417749/Evidence-That-the-HHS-OIG-Fails-to-Conduct-Independent-and-Objective-Audits-and-Investigations-of-Title-IV-D-Agencies

Action Opportunity: Ask Jay Carney to help prevent the appearance of "willful ignorance" in the administration regarding the civil rights of men, boys, and their children http://np.reddit.com/r/MRActivism/comments/1i2rjx/action_opportunity_ask_jay_carney_to_help_prevent/

PPS: Original message

What do I do? (self.MensRights)

submitted 5 hours ago by ThrowAwayAfterUse92

I'm a military member who was sexually assaulted over deployment. I went through filing a report and whatnot and the guy was charged, kicked out, and given 30 days in jail. That's not my issue.

My issue here, is that I need someone to talk to. I need to vent. I need to let everything off my chest without fear of being judged. There are no men's shelters in the town I'm stationed in. There are plenty of Women's Shelters, but I was turned away at all of them. This shit is eating me up inside guys, who can I talk to?

No one I work with cares. They tell me to deal with it or get over it. Hell, they even make jokes about it. That's shit I'm forced to listen to at work. This whole thing is tormenting me still even though the guy who did it is long gone. No one takes me seriously. I've been called gay for "letting" him do it (he out ranked me).

I just really need to talk to someone. It's driving me insane. Sorry for the poor grammar, I'm damn near seeing red. Suggestions?

http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1l2q13/what_do_i_do/

ThrowAwayAfterUse92 · 2013-08-25T21:16:47+00:00

Thanks for all the feedback guys. I'll look into it.

chibambi · 2013-08-26T08:39:38+00:00

You can talk to me =) i'm not a therapist but i can listen. i was raped too but i have never let it take over my life. i also have male friends who had the same experience. i listen to them whenever they feel like talking about it.

rightsbot · 2013-08-25T20:58:17+00:00

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IHaveALargePenis · 2013-08-25T21:04:56+00:00

You could always try here or /r/oney or something. I mean it might not be as personal, but it's better than nothing. If they joke about it you could confront them but I doubt it would end well. I'm guessing you're a guy so saying "if it happened to your son, would you still laugh?" might work, but then again, people have pretty much been indoctrinated so it's difficult.

As for letting him do it, just remember prison rape. Everyone's made a prison rape joke. Ask them if the prison rape jokes they make about people who "deserve" it simply let people do it.

Sorry to hear about what happened, but I hope that talking to people online is at least a good start. Maybe you can talk to family members?

Did a quick google and here are some links (but I'm not sure about the quality of said links):

1

2

3

mugiwaraya · 2013-08-25T22:19:27+00:00

This may be too late because you may have moved on throw away but I'm sure this subreddit will listen to anything you want to vent and try to help out.

SaigaFan · 2013-08-25T22:34:38+00:00

Which branch? There should be an on base resource center. If not, talk to a chaplain.

hockeyrugby · 2013-08-26T01:01:20+00:00

rape counselling this sub may be a good spot to help you out a little

notnotnotfred · 2013-08-26T01:11:47+00:00

1in6.org - their focus is men abused in chidlhood, but they may help you with a referral.

giegerwasright · 2013-08-26T04:18:42+00:00

My understanding is that the VA provides you with resources for shrinks. You should probably start by seeing one.

RogueWedge · 2013-08-26T11:29:38+00:00

http://www.mantherapy.org.au/

Hope this helps.

gwarster · 2013-08-28T00:50:44+00:00

Go to a vetcenter. They offer care and counseling for any sexual assault victim, regardless of gender.

M4Strings · 2013-08-25T21:01:31+00:00

Start knocking teeth. When they complain, tell them to "get over it".

crankypants15 · 2013-08-26T15:55:33+00:00

Maybe ask in /r/sex?

Title	What do I do?
Author	ThrowAwayAfterUse92
Upvotes	73
Comments	20
Date	August 25, 2013 8:57 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1l2q13/what_do_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-do-i-do.1165479 https://theredarchive.com/post/1165479

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