I want to know your story

Hannubal · 2020-08-03T09:27:54+00:00

Hello, thanks for this post. It's always nice to see people reaching out in this way :)

I can't say that I've experienced anything particularly horrible due to being a man, but there have been many disadvantages. Mainly, I was circumcised at birth which, as far as I'm concerned, should have been my choice. Even though I suspect that some might be exaggerating how severe the effects can be (unless we are talking botched circumcision or scarring), I still think it's awful that this is done to us men.

Secondly, there is the problem of women being favored over us. Growing up, I was always expected to let women behave whatever way they wanted to me. I was supposed to take it. This created a feeling of inferiority, which unfortunately caused me to see women as superior. After all, if you tell a child that there is a group that can mistreat you, the child will interpret that as him being less valuable.

To elaborate on this, there is also the fact that we don't acknowledge the things women do to hurt men. We men use our physical power to hurt people - women use their emotional and social intelligence to do so. As we men aren't supposed to acknowledge our emotional hurt, there is no outlet for us to express how disturbing it is when women use their superior verbal fluency, or crocodile tears, to put us into disadvantageous positions. Again, this turns women into some sort of superior class, that gets to do whatever it pleases.

All to often, I have seen women use this advantage to dominate men in debate, causing them to 'win' even when they are wrong. This is something that breeds a lot of bitterness, and causes men to lose respect for women in general. Obviously, the women who are manipulative are a minority. But the problem becomes so pervasive, because, and I mean no disrespect, the majority of women do almost nothing to call manipulative women out. At the very least, this has been my experience.

As a man I'm supposed to defend women from violence, which I'm perfectly happy to do. But there is no societal obligation for women to protect men from other, violent women. This creates a tension, and makes you want to keep a distance away from women who might or might not be violent. Basically, the only way a man can ensure that women do not exploit their societal advantages, is by being so attractive and charming that it never crosses a woman's mind to hurt him. This creates a sense that we men are only valuable to the degree that women approve of us, which is a horribly hurtful mentality.

I'm not sure if I've answered your question, but these are some of my thoughts on the difficulties on being a man.

terjek · 2020-08-03T11:03:14+00:00

If you want to know how it is to be a man, just spend some time going through the existing stories here in r/MensRights. You will probably find more than you wanted to know.

JestyerAverageJoe · 2020-08-03T11:27:18+00:00

Watch the film The Red Pill by Cassie Jaye. Let me know when you have.

SweatyAdvance · 2020-08-03T12:09:13+00:00

Me: Sexually Assaulted

Everyone else: laughs

I'm a big guy, a body builder...but what am I supposed to do? Any form of self defense will likely cause some kind of injury, which puts me an in even riskier position. I'd rather take the assault than have it turned around on me.

Damned if you, damned if you don't. Welcome to life as a man.

Iliketrains568 · 2020-08-03T12:35:12+00:00

Hey, nice to see a post like this.

Well, for the most part, being "me" is normal.

The biggest problem I face is double standards. Specifically those from people around my age(I am in my late teens).

Most girls I've ever had discussions with say that women have several difficulties and hardships that men dont face, but when asked to elaborate, they say something vague like they are more likely to be mugged or whatever.

Now, there are plenty of hardships women face, but they have a lot of advantages. I live in Brazil, here, the whole rights movement is it as strong, and not as necessary either. But soon enough it will be. Because of the internet and ignorance, many girls and women are starting to think like those Twitter retards. Who are constantly playing victim.

In Brazil, it is common in public schools to advertise courses and the like, which is great. Until a certain course came along.

It was a maths and programming course if I'm not mistaken, and the moment I heard that, I was thrilled. I loved both subjects, and I was looking for such opportunity. But it wasn't like that, they only handed out pamflets to the girls. It was a program made to "put more women in the field and enhance their education". In other words, a waste.

Girls in my country, for the most part, dont care about their careers, many boy dont either, so gendering the program just makes it so those who need it can't get it.

When I brought this up my my friend, a girl, she said that women suffer a lot, so they needed the support. When I asked what they suffered, she remained silent. I later learned that she does not discuss her ideas because she has no arguments. Great.

Something they forget is that here in Brazil, a woman's life is more valuable than a man's. If you kill one, it is not murder, but feminicide. Which has a larger sentence.

But what I hate most is the harassment.

Girls think they can do anything to you, and to a certain level, they can. Thankfully, my parents supported me with any troubles I had with this.

The first time something happened was around 6th grade. I think I wan no more than 12 at the time. A girl, around 15-16 grabbed my ass out of nowhere, being the innocent kid I was, I simply looked at her weird then went on my way, recess was short, and I wanted to play tag.

The second time was when I was 13. A girl in class pinched my ass. That wasn't her first offense, so she got in trouble for it. But still, no one found it weird or inappropriate.

The third time was when my best friends sister, me and a friend were walking through the woods. I feel something (Again) in my butt. Whe I turn around, I see her arm recoiling. When questioned she said "it looked soft so I...". My friend did not know how to react.

All of this was seen as normal by a decent amount of people, and it makes me wonder. What the fuck is wrong with us?

This subreddit has helped me quite a bit. It helped me realize my value, and the dangers of the world.

genericteenagename · 2020-08-03T17:36:41+00:00

Circumcision at birth
I was at a school convention and there was a girl who I started talking to, she was nice and kind of cute but I wasn’t really into her that much. She said she was into me and I said that’s nice but I didn’t feel the same, and she then went and reported me to the school for “stalking and harassing her” to get payback. Luckily the sponsor for the club knew what the situation was and defended me, and it all worked out okay. But they didn’t even ask my side of the story. Men are always assumed to be the perpetrators

onefreeshot · 2020-08-03T13:11:53+00:00

I too am happy to see people getting more genuinely interested in men's issues and needs.

Focusing on your question(s), I haven't been heavily impacted by the world's requirements on boys/men, mostly because back when it used to happen quite honestly I was too young to realise what was happening to me and most of the time I just shrugged it off, which I have to say I was lucky because not all the other boys could take that and not all had the same support I had from my family.

As far as bullying when I was in school goes, I was on the light end, just being called names and such, only very rarely physically challenged. I was also lucky to have an older sister and that we would go to the same school so some of her male friends would back me up when I needed.

Fast forward to now and to actually speak more closely to your question, I think that what silently hurts us men is the old book of manhood that has been passed on for generations and still is. I suppose the same thing happens for the female counterpart, but the advantages women have (as part of the womanhood book and what society allows) is that women are far more allowed to be emotionally open and vulnerable. This brings me to the first disadvantage of the way boys grow into men, that being of mostly out of touch with their emotions. However cliche it might have become by now, "don't cry" is such a staple example because it forces us to hide what we feel and cover that up with "be strong, be a man". We do not get taught the attitude of learning and of reaching out that girls/women get. Consequently, openly expressing themselves, boys get called out as feminine because men in general are not in touch with feelings and cannot recongnise it happening in other men. This sadly goes hand in hand with the idea that men have to sacrifice themselves, protect women and children, essentially ending up being lesser than the others. I aim to say that the approach is wrong, in that it leaves men behind and at the end and that it also puts the pressure on us to help/save others, even when we cannot/should not. Some men can take this blindly, giving up their own life happily, some understand the inherent flaw in the extremity the idea presents, but those that do not and go against their instinct will eventually lash out and horribly so.

Additionally, I feel like what also hurts us men is, as with pretty much any other group of people, the very men that have it alright or great and that think that others are just wussies or whatever for speaking out. Don't get me wrong, some needlessly complain, that goes for every group of people fighting for a voice, but if men have to "fight" other men because they do not agree on the problem at hand, then we are missing the point of the fight in the first place. The men who have it alright probably dont need to be in touch with their emotions as much or at all, but probably also found solace in drinking, smoking, gambling or sex or something else of the sort. Challenging and changing the status quo will always be hard for those who are doing just fine, since naturally so, they dont want that to be taken away.

Another thing that bothers me is that men are generally expressed to be incapable of seeking out nurturous, valuable relationships and they just want sex. Most of the time is through jokes, which sadly only reinstates the situation, even though things tend to change. Couple spooning? He HAS to have a boner and to just use the spooning as pretext for sex. Some random chick being 99% naked somewhere? He DEFINITELY would hit that. It's like we've been taught that we can give away emotional balance and intellgence, dignity and communication for sex and sexual pleasure. Do we fail to acquire sex? Well we are primates enough to force ourselves on others because if we like it everyone should. Do we have sex but fail to perform? That is our fault, because we should be sex gods who seek sex everywhere and make her feel loved and whatnot. That is to tie in with a (rather lame) book I read on How to pleasure her in bed (out of curiosity on their stance and to know what actually is spread as... *solution*). There was a slight touch on knowing yourself sexually, as a man, which also turns from a taboo subject in boyhood to a phd you should know by 18yo, and it mostly focused on catering to her needs. Completely missing out the point that the sexual act is a thing for *both*.

This also relates to men having fewer meaningful friendships *with other men*, because that's gay bruh (an article I cant love enough = https://www.doctornerdlove.com/surprising-need-male-intimacy/). Nowadays, genuine and close friendships between men are quite rare and mostly they are connected by something that brought them together, sports or whatever. If that goes away, the friendship has it hard to survive. If you want to still have that, despite the missing connecting aspect, well you need to be in a gay relationship, because otherwise the other guy will leave you for the woman that he will marry. Granted, having a close friendship with a man (or even up to the level of bromance), is quite hard when as a man approaching another man can be misunderstood heavily or can be hard when the other men around you are simply only interested in meaningful relationships with women, cause sex again. It's like our only emotional comfort can lie in a woman, that is us being in a relationship with her, hardly ever so in another man, and it will be easier if both of you are married to a woman. You can have a male friend, but dont get too close, keep it up to a few beers and watching football and dont speak about emotional problems because??

Also, as some post already mentioned on this sub, being a woman and alone and strong is fine and wow she's empowered and whatnot, but if you are a man and alone in your 30-40s, when are you going to marry and settle? I know women get their share of bs with when does the first baby come, but on the one hand, there honestly is a biological reason in that there is a limited number of eggs (which can be frozen but not everyone affords that) and, on the other hand, since the feminism has become so outspoken women have more leeway in choosing, the same thing for abortion.

That's about it, I think I might have missed some reasons, as for me they are pretty much come and go, but I hope this managed to answer your question/interest somehow.

LegalIdea · 2020-08-03T15:57:45+00:00

I don't mind putting mine here, as I'd rather people learn from it, in hopes that no one else will have to endure these things

In my case, I married a woman in March 2015. This marriage was something I had looked forward to, and hoped would last until death. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was the only one in the marriage who felt this way.

Within a few weeks of getting married, virtually everything about her changed, and I still am not entirely sure why. Where before, we would go on adventures and try to find fun new things to do together, we got married and she was practically glued to the couch. As I was in the military at the time, I felt it best to wait and see if she just needed time to adjust, as we acted more like roommates who occasionally have sex than a happy couple. I asked her about it and she said she was lonely when I wasn't around (I averaged 90 hrs per week, she didn't work or drive and had no plans to do either) and asked if I would get her a dog. I did, after she agreed to take care of it and keep the house clean.

After a few months, we received some great news. She was pregnant. I attempted to reenlist in the marines and set myself to prepare for being the best dad I could be. She seemed equally excited

In early November, I received a call at work. She had let the house go so much they wanted to evict us as the house was nearly uninhabitable due to dog feces. As this was on base, I was responsible for her conduct, even though I hadn't been home much due to work. As a result, I got in a lot of trouble, and had 48 hours to get it entirely cleaned. During this time, she went to stay with her mom.

A couple weeks later, the military sent us on a marriage retreat, 3 days all expenses paid. We would go on said retreat 2 weeks before Christmas. As it turned out, we got fantastic news before then (found out that we would be having a daughter). On the way to the retreat, we found out that our daughter would be born with a cleft lip.

Retreat comes, and I put as much effort as I could into trying to be a better husband (I'm a bit socially awkward and don't understand indirect communication very well). As a result, I was trying to do every activity, as much as I could. Thus she was too, as she was married to me. That's when it started. We were given a book called the 5 love languages. I had already read it and I asked her if she knew what hers were, she said no. I would ask this a couple times in the ensuing months, but I don't think she ever read the book, as she never told me.

When we got home from the retreat, a friend asked how it went, and she angrily said that she hated it because she got put on the spot frequently. I explained that I was trying to help work on the problems between us. The friend went home not long after, and she punched me in the face when I asked why she reacted that way.

Over the course of the following 3 months or so, I don't remember how many times I got punched, but they started to go from being aimed at my face to being aimed at a juicier target about 30 inches lower. Belittling comments about everything from my intelligence to my ability in the bedroom were a daily occurrence. One topic of note was my habit of asking doctors if me being a premature birth would affect our daughter, which was never clearly answered. At the time, I foolishly wrote them off, as part of the hormones of her being pregnant.

On the night of our first anniversary, I tried to be a bit amorous and was told that she had no internet in sex, or in affection of any type for that matter. I didn't bother asking why and went upstairs to go to bed not long after. She came upstairs and asked me to come downstairs to help her with something. When I reached the top of the stairs, she asked me to eat her out. I did, as that's something I enjoy doing. I guess she didn't enjoy it as much as usual that day, as she got mad at me and pushed me down the stairs. For my efforts, I had a bruise on my left shoulder blade and a couple smaller ones on my arms and legs, but was otherwise unharmed

In mid April, our daughter was born, and stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks. I was blamed for this as I was a preemie and so was our daughter, so it had to be my fault. CPS was contacted as the doctors were concerned about her ability to care for our daughter when I was not around. As my reenlistment had been denied by this point, we agreed to move in with her mom for the time being, thus giving her some help while I was at work.

The physical attacks, disparaging comments, and generally cold behavior towards me from my wife only worsened, but at the time I was just happy to have my daughter and thus didn't really worry too much about it.

In the following year, I was a full time worker and student, but was told that I would need to transfer to complete my degree as I was at a community college at the time. As such I applied for about a dozen universities in several states. I told my wife that she could pick whatever place she wanted, of the places I was accepted to, and she agreed to do so

Up until this point, we would try to be intimate with each other once or twice a month. I wanted more, but she didn't. Not long after, she decided that she wasn't interested in sex at all, and refused to have sex. This was indicated as she didn't feel like it that day or whatever reason she could come up with at the time, but it lasted for several months. To this day, she has never explained why. It ended when she unintentionally walked in on me masterbating in the shower. She got mad at told me that if I was that horny, I should just fuck her, so I did.

I decided that I wanted her to see what the preceding few months felt like to me, and thus wouldn't instigate sex or any other kind of affection ( I'm usually a very physically affectionate person). Within the week, she accused me of having an affair (I wasn't). I told her that I wasn't having an affair, but that I was tired of being the only one to instigate any affection and she needed to do so, at least sometimes. I received a kick in the balls for that, and we went back to once a month.

After I finally got an answer from all the schools I had applied to, we sat down and discussed our options. We had the choice of Washington state (where I'm from), Alaska, Montana or Wyoming. California (where we lived, and where she was from) wasn't an option, in spite of me applying to 7 schools there, as opposed to only one from each of the other states. She was livid and went off on me, explaining loudly and in great detail how much of a failure I was and how stupid I was. She eventually picked Washington, after I told her I would pick Alaska if she didn't make a decision.

The time came to plan our move, which was frustrated by our discovery that she was again pregnant. The usual conduct of abuse continued, and one day, I reported it to police. The officer in question, a woman, told me that she wanted to arrest me for domestic violence, but didn't have the evidence and didn't want to get in trouble, so she didn't.

We moved, and her conduct was unchanged, except amplified by the confidence boost the interaction with police gave. A couple of friends asked her to stop as it made them uncomfortable from just a few minutes, but she refused.

We moved to Washington and stayed with my family for a few weeks, while our apartment was getting cleaned and repaired. During this time, she claimed that she felt that me asking to have sex was rape, and thus, we didn't.

Not long after, she accused me of kidnapping our daughter when I went to the store. We separated, she took our daughter and she went to stay with a relative that lived nearby. I next heard from her when she called me, to let me know that she had returned to California.

Divorce was filed and I was accused of a lot of crimes. In the interest of "better safe than sorry" she was given custody, and I was required to have supervised visits. (She had originally asked that she and she alone personally supervise the visits, but that was thankfully denied). We agreed that I would come down to see our son upon his birth a few months later, but when the time came for that, she did everything in her power to keep me from coming. (Didn't tell me he was born, threatened others into not telling me, then when I spent a lot of money to get there, lied about where she was)

Our divorce and co-parenting relationship has been tremendously strained at best, mostly because, she wants me to have as little time as possible with my kids.

As a result of what happened, I have suffered depression, attempted suicide on one occasion (was gonna jump off a bridge into a river during a snowstorm).

KaliSeverin · 2020-08-03T17:31:51+00:00

It was a one night stand and you pay for an abortion and she takes the money and doesn't have the abortion? Then surprise the child is born you ask for adoption and she refuses. Then she takes you for child support and the man is on the hook for 18 years of support. By then you've found out that bar hookup has 4 other kids and gets a meal ticket(child support) from 3 different men. Tell me again about Manning up, how about EQUAL Rights and EQUAL Responsibility. If she wants the child and the man does not she takes sole responsibility for that child. VS Versa(should the woman choose to bring the child to term and not get an abortion, the man has no say if his child is aborted or not..).

Heres another story: man is deployed overseas and gets girl pregnant while home on leave(later found out she cheated while she was pregnant with his child). Comes home to 6 month pregnant girl. Buys house, provides, tries to make life work with every fiber of his being. She constantly starts arguements over nothing and about a year later he asks her to move back in with her parents. He says its not fair to the child to be arguing all the time and asks her to come with him to couples counseling(engaged, not married). 2 weeks later she is fucking another guy*probably was the whole time or at the very least was hitting him up. She takes him to court, says he "abused her" calls the cops constantly on him and tries to destroy his life. Constantly harasses him. He holds on, gets an honorable discharge but everyone he knows believes her "story of abuse". He has never hit a woman in his life and always treated her well, despite being attacked everytime he walked In the door. Fast forward a year she hardly shows up to give him his daughter. He takes her to court multiple times over it and the courts do nothing. He's at a new job now and she files another false report. Cop calls him and threaten to beat the shit out of him. He doesn't turn himself in because he has been through this before. Cops pick him up at work, he loses his job, but thankfully all charges dropped once again. He finally asks her what she wants and she says out of our lives forever. So he signs parental rights over to stop the constant harrassment and abuse. It's been nearly 6 years since this happened, and I still miss and love my daughter with all my heart. These are my stories of how women have taken advantage of me and destroyed (tried too) my life and the lives of my children. To add salt to the wound the family court granted the Protection From Abuse Order(for 1 year) to her, with NO evidence whatsoever. I had never been arrested or had the police called on me in my life before this happened. Now I do not trust the courts, I do not trust the police, and I dont trust women.

Men have zero rights to their children. And until we do get a fair and equal shot more men will check out of the game entirely. That is what I have done. I dont see my children and I will not provide for a woman or society that cares nothing for me at the end of the day. The only reason I havent killed myself by now(almost did 2x) is because I like helping people and, despite all the pain I carry with me, helping others alleviates that pain.

RayDeaver · 2020-08-03T19:49:21+00:00

I once refused to have sex with a woman (this is when I thought I was fully gay and had no attraction to women whatsoever). She kept coming into my DM's wanting to cheat on her bf with me, she'd show up at my apartment uninvited, she'd talk shit behind my back saying things like "He's probably got a baby dick and that's why he doesn't want me". When I found this out, I told her to stop contacting me or I'd share the DM's with her boyfriend. Then, out of nowhere, I started getting hateful emails, texts, dm's, etc from almost everyone we knew. People were also leaving harsh comments on my FB and twitter account. I had no idea wtf was going on until a close buddy of mine showed me a screencap of her telling everyone I was going over to her house and raping her. Not once, not twice, but up to four times!

I was sick to my stomach and had a mental breakdown (I suffer from severe anxiety, PTSD, and a few other things). First of all, the thought of rape simply disgusts me, second off, I would never touch anyone without permission or knowing them well enough to know they wouldn't mind it.

Soon I was being told that I was 'faking being gay', that it was a cover for me raping, using, abusing, gaslighting, and grooming women. I was attacked every which way by things that just weren't true and for believes I never held. Eventually, I calmed down, screenshotted our DM's and sent them to her boyfriend who then distributed them to everyone and after he checking her phone, had a deep conversation with her (and did some snooping around too) he found out I wasn't the only one she was doing this too. Had he not helped me out, I probably would have been labeled a rapist for life, lost my job, lost everything I worked for and might have ended up in jail for all I know. All because someone got butt-hurt that I didn't want them.

rabel111 · 2020-08-03T23:32:49+00:00

Imagine you need help dealing with emotional issues and you go to see a counsellor or psychologist. After listening to your story they ask you "have you acknowledged your male privilege".

Imagine you marry, have children then separate amicably. But you lose your home, your children (at the end of every second weekend you lose them again and again and again), and your freedom (paying child support and still maintaining a home where you can see your kids every second weekend leaves you with very little), through no fault of your own. You go to seek help coping with your grief, and find out the only free or subsidised services available to you are services for violent men. The providers of the service are surprised that you are surprised, and ask "are you sure you didn't beat your wife and children?". There are ads for women's services all over the waiting room, and notices for meetings for women who are victims of men.

Imagine you are just an ordinary kid about to go into university, then your country says "hey you, male, here's a gun, go and kill these people or go to jail", your girlfriend calls you a coward for not wanting to kill people, and your family is ashamed.

Imagine you go to school every day and all you hear about is "go girl", how boys are dirty and smutty and horrible, your teacher laughs and shares stories with the girls in your classes about how stupid boys are and how smart girls are. You end up demoralised, withdraw from school work, and end up in the lowest classes at school, and guess what, it's all boys. Nobody seems to notice or care, and if anyone mentions this, all your hear is how girls are better at communicating, reading, writing and learning, and its normal for girls to do better at school.

Imagine you go to a reddit where men like you talk about their experiences, share feelings and express frustration and grief and saddness. You get labeled a misogynist, and a woman hater because you talk about how a group of feminist academics complained about their university recognising International Mens Day (the theme was stopping male suicides), and discuss how feminism seems to be more focused on stopping men talking about men, stopping men helping men, and silencing any non-feminist dialogue about masculinity, maleness, fatherhood and issues faced by men in modern society. You have to hide your interest in men's rights from your employer and your family/friends, and you worry that if your talk about men's health or men's rights you may lose your job and your life.

iainmf · 2020-08-04T10:22:27+00:00

Being stigmatised for advocating for yourself really sucks.

I've had to be very careful about how I approach my advocacy. People have screened me to make sure I am not an awful misogynist when I have to raise men's issues when developing a diversity strategy.

HugeGuy4U · 2020-08-05T14:07:57+00:00

because of the patriarchy

Really?

Xerebyu · 2020-08-06T07:18:06+00:00

Amazing you guys even get into this. Here on mensrights, but still unable to see women's true nature and fall the second a woman feigns interest.

She starts demanding shit right away. "I want to know your story" And without hesitation or asking what is she going to do with your very personal stories you cater her need.

Really guys, you're hopeless.

Title	I want to know your story
Author	KaliSeverin
Upvotes	23
Comments	69
Date	August 3, 2020 7:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/i2ssod/i_want_to_know_your_story/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-want-to-know-your-story.846442 https://theredarchive.com/post/846442

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