Hi ladies, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and for the most part, things are amazing. He’s very kind, considerate, and gentlemanly 95% of the time. But the other 5%… it’s like a switch flips. He shuts down completely, stops responding when I talk to him, and becomes cold and distant.

I’ve managed to break through a few times, and he’s told me it comes from insecurity and anxiety. It might be something as small as seeing a notification on my phone from another guy, or a classic example: he got sweaty from a walk and became insecure about how he looked and smelled. He also gets really anxious in social settings, especially larger groups, and that’s when he withdraws as well.

It might sound like he’s socially inept, but honestly, he can be really normal, thoughtful, and helpful, too. It’s just those rare moments where he shuts down that make me feel helpless and rejected.

The other day, he was in one of these moods and I tried to connect with him, but he kept dismissing me. I ended up crying in the middle of a restaurant because I felt so alone, and all he could do was tell me to stop and wait until we were done. It was heartbreaking.

I’m looking for advice on how I can be supportive and help him work through these moments, or ideally, make this 5% disappear. I know no one is perfect, but I want to be part of the solution, not let it drive a wedge between us.

Thanks in advance for any advice or similar experiences you can share!