advice from RPW about raising a daughter

2013-09-17T14:18:51+00:00

I'm gonna go against the grain here, and suggest that you not over-emphasize boys, looks, or relationships. Don't worry-- those things will arise on their own. Your job in the meantime should be to be a good role model, and to cultivate an age-appropriately open and pragmatic relationship with your daughter, such that she feels comfortable coming to you with questions, if she has them. As for concrete fatherly advice? Emphasize the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I think the number 1 gift you can bestow upon your daughter is the ability to think critically. Watch TV with her, ask her what she thinks about things, play devil's advocate, debate with her... encourage her to read, and to think. Specific advice, without instilling a sense of agency, and a critical mind, isn't really useful-- as soon as she steps beyond the extent of your specific advice, she doesn't know how to make good decisions for herself.

For the moment, whether we like the current social organization around gender or not, your daughter's focus should be school and not boys. She needs to work toward a career with which she can comfortably support herself. This benefits both her (as she gets to be more choosy about her mate if she doesn't NEED to find a financial provider) and any future men in her life (if she has her own money/means, she won't need to take theirs in the case that the relationship ends up on the wrong side of the 50% divorce rate statistic).

From personal perspective, encourage her to have boys as friends. Suggest she invite some boys and girls over for a party or a play date or what have you. I think having boys that I could relate to on a human, rather than romantic level helped me see them as fellow people rather than adversaries in the GENDER WARZ.

Seconding the team sports thing, too. Gad, I learned a TON of social shit, as well as a fondness for moving which has kept me healthy and fit into adulthood.

Most of this is from personal experience-- I was raised by a militant (equality) feminist. My dad was also very involved (coached sports, read to my bro and I), not in an effusively emotional way, but he was always nurturing and affectionate in a more stoic, masculine kinda way. I feel like I turned out pretty well-- I'm 28, stable relationship, good family ties, awesome friends, solid education and career prospects. I'm happy, but not unrealistic about what I need to be happy. :)

mach11 · 2013-09-17T04:28:24+00:00

I usually point out to her the possibility that they might "like" her, and that to exploit that for attention and favors is being cruel to them.

Is it though?

Bakerofpie · 2013-09-17T17:21:57+00:00

My reddit app is freaking out and I think it's posting things multiple times and then deleting them or something and I can't figure it out! That said, I already tried to reply to this and can't see it. I don't want to retype my entire response, so I will repeat in brief: don't force hobbies and interests onto her. Encourage her to do well at the things she enjoys, and to be humble and kind. Get to know who she is as a person and help guide her to grow her positive qualities and teach her to be a more respectable and kind version of the person she already is. If she's into sports and not into playing piano, for the love of god do not force her into piano lessons and tell her not to play sports. It's only going to push her away from you and further toward the bad influence of her mother. You can't change her personality. You can only be honest with her about how the world works and be there to guide and protect her.

crankypants15 · 2013-09-17T13:16:40+00:00

I'd say tell her about boys, that they all want one thing. Tell her that the high-status popular boys that she is attracted to will probably be the worst choice she could make because they know they are in demand and can have their pick and will use her and then either cheat or dump her for the next pretty thing to come along. Recommend that she bring boys into her group of friends for say, 6 months before escalating to make sure he really likes her and isn't just looking for a hook up. Recommend that she go for a cute quiet boy as he'll be more likely to treat her well. Point out that how a boy treats her is far far more important that her getting the top alpha. If you're religious recommend that she date Christian boys.

TempestTcup · 2013-09-16T22:43:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sugarcrush · 2013-09-17T01:52:29+00:00

I would continue to speak openly and honestly with her. Don't be afraid to express your disappointment when she is using the poor guys. A well placed "I raised you better than this" can go a long way.

I also highly recommend enrolling her in some sort of team based athletics. I ran cross country in high school and I think it benefitted me for many reasons: 1. Fosters healthy habits. I still keep in touch with my team and none of us are fat 5 years later. 2. Keeps grades up. Most athletics have gpa requirements to compete 3. Creates a good group of similarly minded girl friends. We would study together or go for runs on the weekend together. 4. Helps avoid the party lifestyle. You can't stay out late when you have practice or a game in the morning. 5. Develops commitment, work ethic, and the GOOD kind of self esteem- the kind you get when you work hard for something, instead of the overly inflated but unjustified kind.

throwawaydaddyrpw · 2013-09-17T03:56:36+00:00

Thanks for the advice for far.

One thing I've wondered about it is, how much should I tell her of red pill theory? For instance, does being told all about hypergamy do any good in helping keep hers from getting her into trouble?

2013-09-17T16:20:03+00:00

This is such an important and tricky topic. I think that your knowledge and beliefs about RP stuff is going to colour your interactions with her, your reactions to her friends, and your answers to her questions no matter what.

So with that in mind, I think the key thing is to really work hard on making sure that your daughter wants to tell you about her social life, bring her friends around, and ask you questions (as u/LifterofThings also mentioned).

You can be honest with her about what you feel to be true, and modeling your own behaviour is super important as you said. If you have a solid and open relationship, I think inviting her to share what she thinks is also an important part of the dialogue in forming her own ideas but in the context of your guidance.

I have to say, my parents did a mostly awesome job, but the only thing my dad ever explicitly said to me about men/dating was, "Don't ever let anyone do something you don't want then to do." And while that did affirm my confidence in not bowing to social and sexual pressure, I do wish he had been more comfortable talking casually about dating and relationship values. (He opened up a lot later in life, but that was when I was already an adult.)

2013-09-17T17:53:10+00:00

Things my parents did for me:

My dad taught me always go for the studious guy in medical/ law/ engineering/ etc school. He didn't say "oh go for the shy quiet boy" because even though a boy is shy and quiet he can still be lazy and not have a financially secure future ahead. I know this sounds harsh but it's true. My dad does not want me to end up marrying someone I end up getting into financial struggles with. My dad supported me and paid for my education. I want a man who values the same for his children.
Until you meet someone who can and is willing to marry and financially support you, your studies come first. And even then, you still need a way to pull a good salary in if your husband loses his job or something.
There is absolutely no need to date in high school. The inevitable heartbreak ruins a girl's sense of self worth ( so she starts looking to men for value and being slutty rather than reserved) and makes her bitter and pessimistic about love in the long run. And more tolerant of bullshit ( eg a man who strings her along without any promise of commitment)
I can't stress enough the importance of studying. You don't need to be a straight A student, but you need to get good grades and get into a good college and grad school. The economy sucks and there's no guarantee that a man can support you or that you will even meet a man. Have a way to pull in a comfortable salary for yourself. Not only will you develop a degree of financial security but you will meet good men in the process that you wouldn't usually meet if you weren't moving forward in life.
Dating is to meet a husband. Whether you admit it or not, every date and relationship is a search to meet "the one" you will marry. Treat it as such. Look at a man's character and overall fit as a husband and father. This saves you from wasting your youth and time on a man who doesn't want to get serious with you. eg If you see he hates children then why drag it along? You're not getting any younger.
Once you get married, Your family comes first. My mom have up a great career to stay at home because she wanted my siblings and I to have a mother available at all times to protect us, teach us, and support us. My dad works 72 hours a week to support us. Both my parents made sacrifices for their family and taught me that it is important that I do the same when I have one. My parents also make sacrifices for each other, like my mom followed my dad to the states and rejected admission to a good school in favor of another one where she could be close to him.

My parents are immigrant professionals.

spnkdwife · 2013-09-18T18:19:29+00:00

As mother of a "tween" girl and a former tomboy here is my take on it:

Let her know that no matter what stupid mistakes she makes (including dating ones) you are there for her. This is super important (IMHO) because a father is a girl's first male influence and you need to be there for her but not just as her shoulder to cry on. You need to let her cry on your shoulder and then set her straight about how it really is. Remember you are her father not her BFF (she likely has one of those already).
Clothing. In our house we have a general rule that we will not purchase clothing that does not meet the public school's dress code. Which means no short shorts, no spaghetti strap tops, no low cut tops, etc. It also means no shorts with slogans on the butt (this is my husband's rule). Why? As he put it, I'm a man, I know why they put words on a woman's butt and I don't want any MAN looking at my little girl's butt. He's actually said this to our daughter in the store - mortified her but she has never forgotten it and she will now comment about how unflattering having something written on your butt is.
Activities - get her involved and keep her involved in some sort of team sport. Our daughter tried gymnastics, soccer, dance and softball. She ended up loving dance (not my first choice nor my husbands) but it keeps her occupied 4 afternoons a week and about 3 hours on a non-competing weekend. She's learning how to move gracefully, pumping up her self-esteem and her body image, making good friends and keeping out of trouble.
Let her know what you think about the boys she tells you about / that you meet. Seriously, even if she doesn't tell you - your opinion is important to her (good or bad) and better to know which then to not know at all.
School - if she is not an "A" student, support her doing her best work. Let her know that life is not graded with a report card and that that doing your best, working your hardest will get you what you want in the end. If she learns that, she will be one of the most educated people around - and education attract quality men.
Finally, tell her not to "give it away" and be frank about talking to her about sex and what it means or doesn't mean and while it might make you uncomfortable, share with her your own experiences of how you may have used pressure to get what you wanted from a girl (in your younger days). If you tell her ahead of time, before a boy tries it on her, she will know he's playing the game and be one step ahead of him.

DesiAntiFeminist · 2013-09-19T23:57:55+00:00

The ability of a woman to feel love is inversely proportional to the number of dicks she indulges.

The likelihood of her ending up divorced is directly proportional to it.

Help her internalize that by the time she graduates from high school knowledge and she'll do well.

Title	advice from RPW about raising a daughter
Author	throwawaydaddyrpw
Upvotes	11
Comments	22
Date	September 16, 2013 6:44 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1minhp/advice_from_rpw_about_raising_a_daughter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-from-rpw-about-raising-a-daughter.83988 https://theredarchive.com/post/83988

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