Hi RPW,

I'm in an awkward situation and I really don't know what to do. I'm in a new relationship with someone who I thought was perfect for me: we have great chemistry, he is driven and passionate, he makes me laugh a lot and makes me feel light and feminine. After dating for a while, he told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me.

So far, so good, but then we had sex. I can't pinpoint it, but it was the worst. I was really caught off guard, because our makeout sessions before were really hot, but it seems that when it "comes down to it", it just doesn't work too well. I didn't say anything and stayed very loving and open to him. After an hour or so, the disappointment had worn off and I was back to normal on the inside, too. The day after he spontaneously told me that he was really nervous the first time and was "overthinking it" out of fear to do wrong. I gently agreed that I too had the feeling that there was a sort of disconnect there, but that I didn't really worry about it, because it was just the first time and we needed some time to get used to each other. I also assured him that to me, sex is not a performance that's going to be evaluated, but a moment to be close together and enjoy and follow our instincts. He visibly felt better. But we had sex again, which was much better than the first time (he really let go and was passionate), but I think he's maybe just on the small side and doesn't really know how to compensate that (eg by using specific positions). I don't want to dominate him by giving suggestions (I like to be in the submissive role, especially between the sheets). I'm also afraid that throwing suggestions at him will make him anxious/insecure again.

This has been a real party pooper, because we are fireworks and I was glowing with happiness, but both times, after we had sex, I could feel the disappointment and the sparks in my stomach were nowhere to be found.

What to do? Can this be fixed? Should I just move on? Help!

Edit: he is really amazing in every other aspect, so I am really hoping to get advice on a way to help things get better.