Should I Stay or Should I Go?

rproller · 2016-08-27T23:50:58+00:00

It could be relevant to the Red Pill. Whether or not it actually is depends largely on the couple's circumstances. Like everything else in life, there are general guidelines, but a million and one exceptions to the rule. That is to say, there is very little black/white; most of the world seems to operate in shades of grey.

I had this discussion with my SO years ago, and the scenario always involved some kind of horrific accident that left one of us paralyzed from the neck down, or if one of us had some drawn-out terminal illness. We concluded that no matter if we were married or not, with children or not, we agreed that the other person should eventually find someone else to fulfill the gap. It would then be up to the non-disabled person to decide whether or not they wanted to find love elsewhere.

Whether or not it was the person's fault that they became disabled was completely irrelevant to us. The fact remains that their disability impacts the relationship in some way. I would rather that my boyfriend stay with me because he wanted to stay, and not because I guilt-tripped him into doing so out of obligation.

xBreakFreex · 2016-08-28T01:16:38+00:00

I can give some insight in to my parents relationship. My mother and father married in their late 20'n after a short engagement. After the marriage my father told my mother he was Schizophrenic. She was ok with it. He's on medication. They had two children, myself and my sister. In my lifetime he's had two relapses where he had to go to a psych ward. However he ran his own business for 20 years and retired a few years ago, but still does pamphleting. He is very socially inept in most situations and has his delusions. My mother gets frustrated with him on numerous occasions, as well as myself. She's never considered leaving him. In her mind he can't really help it and it's not like he's on drugs, drinking, smoking or abusive in anyway. My mother at 55 still is working full-time and refuses to go on welfare to gain benefits for being his "carer". All relationships have their struggles and mental illness can be one of them. Despite his illness we are still well-off and me and my sister had a very good education and up-bringing. All situations are different however and we've learned to adapt to ours. I think there would be a tipping point at which someone must jump ship. But it's not an option for my mother.

asteadyheart · 2016-08-27T23:47:53+00:00

I honestly think that it depends on the person who needs to make that decision. It is so unbelievably easy to tell them, "I wouldn't leave if I were you." But the reality is, you are not in their position and you also do not have the same temperament and personality as they do.

It is always up to you. No one has the right to watch you and judge you. They can have their opinions, they can even voice them. But you can't let their opinion on the matter dictate your life. If you can't handle it, if you can't stay, then go. It is not an easy choice to make and almost every time I hear of something like this, it is an agonizing one. No one ever sane is filled with glee that their partner, who they love deeply, is suddenly not the same person they knew. That their partner can no longer join them in every adventure, and if anything, they will die before you.

This is a painful choice.

But it is a choice that affects you and your partner. Anyone else's opinion on it is just that, a mere opinion.

(I speak as a person who might face permanent hearing loss, one day. It is congenital and will become more severe over time. if SO wants to leave me because he can't handle it, then I don't want anyone to judge him for it. That being said, it was a discussion we already had and we are on the same page.)

nonthaki · 2016-08-28T10:01:47+00:00

Does his attitude about his lessened ability matter? (I would say yes.)

Lets assume a guy in this example . Its equally applicable to a girl also . Does this mean that if a disabled guy , when he keeps reiterating his condition or disability to his spouse or to himself in general , the spouse feels she is not giving or providing enough to the guy or enough in the relationship, and she thinks thats why he is Never satisfied and thus he keeps on reiterating his disability .

Is that the mentality you are referring to ? and would this mentality put a strain on the relationship ?, aka "perceived" strain on the spouse ?. Or in general, his downfallen attitude is sucking out all happiness that was already present , or could be present (if there was no such attitude) in the relationship ?

There is also like you said "attitude problem", in which the guy feels the spouse deserves a better partner , and he feels he is useless , and that too could cause him to not talk or build a relationship with the girl, cause he feels guilty .

I am trying to understand all This .

rproller · 2016-08-28T12:41:42+00:00

Marriage is the primary factor here, at least for me. I vowed "til death do us part". Red pill aside, I would not leave my husband if he became permanently incapacitated.

That being said, a young girl in a relationship for a year or even two, I would not advise her to stay. They're just dating. They weren't building a life together. Maybe they were moving in that direction, but...

There is a married couple at my church and their adopted son is mentally ill. While under a 72 hour psych hold for hearing voices, he killed a fellow patient. This guy had just been married two weeks prior. He was sentenced a few months ago for 25-life or something like that. All I could think about was this guy's wife. She just had her future, her hopes and dreams yanked out from underneath her.

SouthernAthena · 2016-08-29T22:41:04+00:00

I'm the one who sparked this conversation, and I have to say even I don't know. I recently physically departed from my SO (we didn't explicitly break up) in an unplanned move because I was coping very poorly mentally. I had become a burden on those around me instead of the help I had been for the past 1.5 years.

I've been praying on this question quite a lot. I love him, but he daily expressed that his condition gave him no life and that he feels as if everyone is living their life around him, often claiming death would be far better. I cheered him on the whole time, hoping/wishing/willing him to get better. This isn't an attitude problem on his part either, as doctors are unable to help or even properly diagnose him. He is bedridden most of the time and is looking at the prospect of perhaps declining further (but we don't even know for sure).

He didn't ask me to stay with him and often questioned it. I always brushed it off and reassured him. I don't know if it's my biological clock ticking or simply additional stressors taking hold, but recently I had a breakdown prompting my departure. I don't have a plan, but I fear my SO sees it as the end.

GrowlingBears · 2016-08-27T23:29:41+00:00

I'm curious too. I've had multiple relationships fall apart due to something little like a broken leg. It's a bit of a sad joke though. I broke the leg making tons of money doing something with a recognized risk factor. I'm pretty sure the perception of man's mortality and the apparent risk to perfect everlasting security was the real issue at stake. Men do dangerous things. Why get weird about it?

Steigertochter · 2016-08-28T15:58:40+00:00

My Partners Brother has Aspergers. As does his Son. My SIL loves her Husband. But she is also very aware of the Problems But she swore loyalty. I have stood by my Partner through the aftermath of a "Mining Accident" some would call it minor Disaster. His Physical recovery took moths. I stood with him. Despite his Family saying no, find yourself someone else. There is a huge debate about Aspergers + Autism being hereditary. I know that when/if we talk about children of our own, that there is a chance it will have it. But that would be ok. Somehow. By reading through the Asatru books my outlook on marriage/Relatioship and Love+Loyalty started changing. I need realized how much loyalty is to me. Either my all or nothing - has always been my motto.

Title	Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Author	runway
Upvotes	11
Comments	22
Date	August 27, 2016 10:56 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4zwp2y/should_i_stay_or_should_i_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go.86428 https://theredarchive.com/post/86428

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