How to approach sex when dating

durtyknees · 2018-02-18T08:12:38+00:00

A high quality man wants (and gets) things that are difficult for most people to find/get.

The nutshell is: you have to be extraordinary, and I'm talking about your personality, not your career/social status/etc. You need to know how to rock his world, with your personality alone.

Good looks only get his initial attention and the novelty of your good looks will quickly fade if personality isn't "enough" to keep his continued interest in you.

If you can make a man feel like the master of the universe when he's with you, he will be more willing to pay your asking price of waiting for sex. Withholding sex never makes a woman more appealing, it's just a boundary a smart woman would set, because it is to her advantage (avoiding STDs/whoopsie babies, vetting strategy, etc).

Sex is also a low value offering, because getting sex with a hot chick is easy for top tier men.

I've always found it ironic that women who aim for "high quality" men underestimate the mental capacity of such men, as if outstanding intellect, exceptional empathy, and excellent social skills are somehow not traits found in "high quality" men --- I mean, this is the impression I get from reading posts in RP communities, and I always scratch my head about it.

Learn how to seduce a smart man's mind. "How" to do it varies, because men, like women, are all individuals.

Some general tips:

Be very observant and empathic about what your man is passionate about, and never get in the way of his passions, ever.
Be mindful to only bring joy into his life. Putting boundaries on the personal freedom of a high value man is the fastest way to lose him. Do not "train" him to do things he doesn't do on his own initiative. A high value man is someone with good habits, because personal habits are a reflection of a person's worldview (keep this in mind for vetting too).
Be very self-aware of all the less-desirable traits you personally have, work to control them if you can't eliminate them, and never use them as an excuse when you lose control. Always take responsibility for your personal fuckups, and sincerely put in the effort to avoid repeating mistakes. Smart men notice and remember.

Whisper · 2018-02-18T06:24:53+00:00

You have a timetable for sex that matches your goals, for what you want a man to be in your life. These men have correctly discerned that you are a lot more passionate about your plan for the future than you are about them.

Men want women who are passionate about them, not women who have a neat little slot planned for them to fit into. He wants to be the man you lose your self-control over, the man who makes you break your self-imposed rules.

It looks like you are trying to find a way to avoid taking risks, and avoid making a man feel unappreciated.

There is no such thing, because your level of passion for a man is precisely measured by your willingness to take risks to be with him.

As such, there is no risk-free way forward for you. You either have bet on the strength of your girl game to keep him afterwards, or bet on your ability to fool him into thinking you're a lot less calculating than you are.

Safe dating for women disappeared the moment they decided to dismantle traditional marriage. Your mother and grandmother wanted equality, and this is what it looks like. There's no putting the djinni back in the bottle.

You either have to date men who have fewer options and must wait, or take risks with more attractive men.

AwkwardEmpath · 2018-02-18T14:44:57+00:00

I would just be honest about it.. any guy not looking to just have sex would understand IMO and even respect it.

loneliness-inc · 2018-02-19T04:10:10+00:00

Other things can start progressing on date one or two like cuddling or kissing

As a man, you're either thinking with your big head or with your little head. Which one do you want? Choose one and do it 100%

What you're doing now is luring him in to think with his little head by cuddling and kissing etc, but then saying a a a, you can't go any further. That's a serious tease and will put a damper on things even if he continues to date you.

Either you're fully dressed, give off no sexual innuendo and have zero physical contact whatsoever (the way some religious folks do it) or you start having sex when he pursues it.

Either you have him think about you with his big head or with his little head, you can't have it both ways.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-02-18T18:29:21+00:00

Unless you are religious, you’re being unrealistic.

High value men in their late 20’s or later are not going to sit around and wait for you. They have options. What makes you better than their other options that don’t make them wait for sex? Or even better: that make other men wait for sex, but not the man you are interested in?

The reason women are encouraged to get married young is because it is when you are most valuable, then on top of that it is when men are least valuable. You can get a man to wait for you based off looks alone when you’re young. Now you’re late 20’s and men aren’t dumb and shy anymore. They understand how life works and they know with decent confidence what their worth is or is not.

If you want your ideal relationship to become reality you will have to compromise in one way or another. You either have to go after men with less options, give up sex earlier than you plan to, or join a religious group (or some other group where abstinence is preached). You’ve missed your window to dictate the flow of relationships with high value men. Early 20’s is when that works.

The only way I could see a relationship like the one you’re searching for working out is if you date someone who has been a long time friend. Otherwise no man is going to wait for you unless he doesn’t have any options.

RedPill_Swinger · 2018-02-18T13:09:19+00:00

It's the theory of games at play here.

Ladies you've just witnessed a Nash equilibrium.

RPW want a man to wait because reasonably it's the best thing to do for a relationship to be successful in its early stage, but men can't tell a RPW from a dark triad gold digger who's just playing unicorn. After all alpha fucks, beta bucks.

The problem is feminism, once you remove it from the equation men will know they will risk less and will choose to wait more.

Try telling him "listen I know that in your eyes I might well be the next damn shallow woman who might be playing you and I know that everything is stacked against you guys but if you wait X dates will do it for sure, in the mean time let's just < insert what you want to do here>".

patience9 · 2018-02-19T09:51:54+00:00

I've tried being extra affectionate in terms of kissing and cuddling, being complimentary about their body and saying that just because I'm saying we should wait a bit doesn't mean I don't want to but then they say that they don't want to be tested.

I think you could consider doing the opposite strategy here. My hypothesis (take with a grain of salt, all statements are guesses):

Being extra affectionate and complimentary is just increasing his anticipation of sex and magnifying the frustration when it turns out you don't want to. Sexual frustration is an awful feeling.

Saying you do want to, but aren't going to, doesn't make him feel any better. It's even more of a tease. It's easy for him to interpret as you testing him or using sex as a negotiating tool to get what you want. And it makes you sound like you do like sex without commitment, just not with him. That can make him think "she's had casual sex with guys in the past, but now I'm the chump who has to put more work in for the same thing" or "she must not find me that attractive, because if she was really attracted to me her passion would overwhelm her desire to test me for a relationship" or "she's not really all that attracted to me physically, she just sees me as a good provider and is going to use sex to extract value from me, now and in the future". These are big shots both to his ego emotionally and to his rational dating interests.

So my advice would be, first, dial down your affection and sexual compliments if you're not ready for sex. Stop getting his emotions and his hopes up only to frustrate them. Second, reframe your refusal of sex as "I don't feel ready" and avoid elaboration. Portray yourself as emotionally cool to warm up. That has the potential to defuse the concerns he might have that I mentioned in the last paragraph. It's an incentive for him to think of your relationship in romantic terms, building your emotional connection, instead of a negotiating table where he's being tested to get to sex. And no one can argue with how you feel.

Title	How to approach sex when dating
Author	rpwthrowawai
Upvotes	17
Comments	30
Date	February 18, 2018 3:12 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7ybok7/how_to_approach_sex_when_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-approach-sex-when-dating.74276 https://theredarchive.com/post/74276

Comments