Hi, I'm a 25YO dude, mid May I had a breakup with my now ex gf (24). I know this subreddit is for longer term relationships and I dated this girl for only 7 months, but I feel like guys here have the most "advanced" views, so I would really appreciate some insight. I know this is a veeeery long post, but I pretty much need as much clarity as I can get, which means giving as much detail as possible.

So far i have read Models, 3% Man, Book of pook.

Ok so, this was my first REAL breakup, and with that I mean the first one where it was about it not working out and not external factors. Right from the start this chick showed really high desire but also a lot of insecurity, she would make drama thinking I was mixing memories of her with someone else, or that I was only going to use her, or that I was a fuckboy, etc. For 6 months, I handled things decently enough for her to still be all over me. Problems arose when apparently she started running out of patience on her desired level of romance and validation not being fulfilled, she would constantly create arguments about me not giving her compliments (I made sure to give as much as she gave me in this aspect). The problem was, that back then I understood that simply showering her with attention and validation was not the way to go, but this also meant she kept complaining about it. Until this day, I'm not entirely sure if she was just too insecure and needy or if I'm not aware of me being a cold fish, maybe this is just me being a little gaslighted, I don't know.

One thing I know for sure now, thanks to watching Rian Stone's content, is that I was making the mistake of DEERing, I often began thinking I was just being assertive but sometimes ended up just arguing with logic (mostly on our last month, probably a reason of why it got worse) whenever she brought up this same BS topic. But at the time I was conflicted because all I knew was that I was being demanded of love in a very angry way, which made it actually more difficult for me to be loving as I felt I was being emotionally blackmailed so to speak, like I would just be rewarding bad behavior. Basically, I thought like "Can't you stop being such a bitch for just a couple of weekends, so I feel at peace enough to be more loving?". Eventually one day when she was cranky I broke up with her and just left. She was texting me a whole week asking for a second chance until I took her back. Next weekend we were banging like rabbits, two days go by, and we have another argument again about the compliments' thing, she says she feels like begging for love. I DEER hard, she stonewalls and hamsters harder, eventually cries like a maniac and says she is too broken and insecure for a relationship and apologizes for ruining everything, I take this as a break-up, so I support it, we say some romantic bs for like an hour, we hug and make out, then part ways. Next day she texts me apologizing again for her issues and asks if we can work it out together, but considering how this happened so soon after taking her back, I figured it was pointless and refused, so she can "Work on it herself".

She then texts me romantic text after romantic text saying things like "I hope life gives us another chance once I get at least a little better, there is nothing I wish more than stopping my self sabotage, so we could be together". We say goodbye again but then she spends the next 5 days putting sad romantic songs on my Spotify and then a bunch of songs about reconciliation and even posts one on her Instagram story. I fell for it and text her to meet up to talk, she enthusiastically accepts and we agree on her reaching out once she knows the exact date of her finals so we can set a date for after she is done with them.

She tells me: "It's a deal. We were on each other's minds, it must be the stars" I say "We were, some powerful magic huh, until then, kick ass on those exams". She replies the next day with only a sticker of a disappointed cat. As she didn't say anything else, I figured it would be dumb to ask her why she sent that, so I just assumed it was not important and that she would reach out. She never did. In hindsight knowing her, she must have felt like I was too dry with my answer and felt very sad and gave up or expected me to reach out again to compensate (no I'm not kidding, something similar happened once, so I was naive thinking it was no big deal). I was so confused while waiting, I knew exams were over yet ...she never reached out. One day I found a post on IG that said ''I miss you but i don't want to go back anymore"... It had a like from her... I check her profile and she seemingly went out with friends and now her pic with me is gone. I felt so betrayed, she gives this speech of how she ruined everything, asks to stay together, then keeps sending me crap like songs to make me feel like she's serious about being together and is all happy about meeting up, then just ghosts me. That hurts like hell. A week later I reach out just to tell her whatever happened, at the end of the day I wish her the best and that I value our memories, not expecting a response, but as a naive way to give myself closure.

She responds that she thought I meant that I was the one who would reach out to HER, and that it was a misunderstanding that just shows our difficulties with communication. I mean, I feel like if it's true, it's stupid, it was clear she was the one who had to reach out, after all she was the one who needed to find out about her exam's dates. She again mentions how she "Projected her insecurities onto me and the relationship which damaged greatly and that she can no longer escape the responsibility of fixing her issues". Mentions nothing about rescheduling our meetup, but just wishes me the best and something like "If life makes our paths cross in the future, see you there". I, not getting the hint and believing her on that we didn't meet up just because of a misunderstanding, tell her that I wanted back then to say that I reconsidered the idea of working things out together, she says she was no longer sure we could. I should have left it at that, but instead suggest just hanging out, so we can let spending time together give us the answers on what to do. She says she's going through a lot, and she doesn't know if she can prioritize the relationship.

I tell her the idea is to just focus on hanging out and having fun, she says she doesn't know because she has too much going on and that she "can't these days". Being impossible to make it more obvious she just doesn't want to go back, I cut my losses and say "I understand circumstances change, and you are going through a lot, take care, send you a hug". I felt like I was already being too mature here, she literally stringed me along into thinking she really wanted to work things out, ghosted me and now that I reach out, gave excuses instead of at least admitting she should have AT LEAST communicated that she changed her mind. She replies, "I do, believe it, a big, big hug for you too". I leave that message on read as the convo was over. A shitty, unfair ending but an ending at least. But it gets worse...

An hour goes, and she double texts "Some other time, I'm really unstable right now, don't you think it's an excuse". I got so pissed of, at least it was over. And now, after all her selfishness and damage caused for her lack of consideration, the ghosting, the avoidance of responsibility with condescension... and now she has the audacity of bread crumbing me with that? I made my best effort to not call her out on her BS and just said "I understand you don't mean wrong, but that would be putting myself in limbo and that's unacceptable, you would feel the same in my position, anyway, my best wishes". She doesn't say anything.

Two months of heartbreak go by, feeling played with, disappointed, etc. My birthday comes and she, like nothing, texts me "Hey Happy Birthdayyyyyyy, have a great oneeeeee, a big, big hug for you"

I didn't even reply and just ignored it. Is this petty? Is pettiness sometimes justified?

I would like general in depth insight, but my main concern is, how do you know o which extent you are fucking up badly or your girl is too difficult? One part of me feels like it's all my fault because at the end of the day if I had my game on point things would just work out no matter what, or maybe it is that I can't seem to fit in my head that just because there was chemistry for 6 months things sometimes can't work out when there is too much baggage or something.

Also, why would you guys do to get over a chick when you know it's the one you've liked the most and talking to others feels like a nuisance? Maybe I have to force myself a bit.

If I'm being a bitch, please tell me, but in detail so I can at least be an enlightened bitch.

Thanks.

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