LTR Shit Tests?

mrust · 2013-11-16T02:48:17+00:00

This is a good question, and I hope you get a lot more responses.

To answer your first question, the shit tests never stop.

A couple things to consider:

Are the shit tests about stuff that is actually important to her or is she just doing a power play? Be careful about creep.. If you give too much, she will just keep pushing. Be especially careful about doing anything as a sort of favor, because if it can be repeated she will stop appreciating any sort of effort on your part. Remember that there is no such thing as relational equity.

You can have a girl locked down and keep both of you happy. You will still get shit tests but with a strong enough frame you will never have to capitulate. You will still get crying and tears, or silence or whatever girls have been doing since the dawn of time to get their way. Girl will still leave if she is approaching wall and has other options, and you have to let her go.

The best way to clear these LTR shit tests is to make the boundaries clear to begin with. For example:

I control my own schedule.

I will not accept abusive behavior.

I will discuss relationship issues only in private, not with an audience.

It's best to frame these in terms of your own personal boundaries rather than restrictions you are putting on her behavior.

x7CR7x · 2013-11-15T23:14:49+00:00

Yes.

Do as you please.

rp_manifesto · 2013-11-15T23:20:24+00:00

Dont change, its easy. Only change if you want to, because you want to. You have every right to go out with your friends, invite her. If she makes it a huge issue, maybe she is not right for you since she doesn't want to live in your world, she just wants you to be in hers.

captshady · 2013-11-15T23:33:30+00:00

You pass them the same way you would normally. Shit tests are shit tests. They shoulkd reduce in an LTR, but they never go away. Check out Athol Kay's book/blog/website.

[deleted] · 2013-11-21T18:05:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

angryadult · 2013-11-19T21:24:20+00:00

Yes, she will continue to shit test you. It's how she knows you're still a reliable guy. If you start waffling after getting married, that's a surefire way to end up with a divorce. You're literally killing the thing that made her so attracted to you.

You take her input, process it, and do your thing. If she's nagging you to get fitter, well, do you need to get fitter?

Hypnot0ad · 2013-11-21T22:47:00+00:00

I read this the other day and thought it'd be useful to you: http://www.fastseduction.com/cgi-bin/search.cgi?action=retrieve&grp=9&mn=1265893900599449

Mr_Bell · 2013-11-16T15:09:48+00:00

I thought shit tests were a LTR Inc. product. 'Cause shit tests from girls at bars are easier to pass. You just walk away.

[deleted] · 2013-11-16T22:41:42+00:00

Always. Its not something that ever stops. It may reduce in frequency substantially, but its not something that ever goes away.

[deleted] · 2013-11-21T14:54:20+00:00

Yes, the shit tests definitely never stop. The more effective you are at dealing with them, the subtler and more creative they get.

aaron_the_just · 2013-11-21T16:10:50+00:00

A long term relationship is, in and of itself, a shit test.

Wise men pass.

FortunateBum · 2013-11-16T02:09:34+00:00

It depends on the girl but if she's a totally insecure nutjob her shit tests will involve hitting you, breaking shit, calling the cops on you.

I'm not sure if a normal, well-adjusted woman exists, but the best I've ever gotten is a girl who is only generally insulting, condescending, baiting, and bitchy. Those tests are passable by simply ignoring them.

Pretty much ignore the literal meaning of anything that comes out of a woman's mouth and you'll do fine. I've had a girl say horrible shit, I respond with silence. The next day she apologizes and I didn't even say anything about it. I've had a girl give me an ultimatum, change this or else, and I respond with silence. The next day she apologizes and gives in on her position. (That could obviously be bait for a fight so you have to ignore apologies too, BTW.)

If she's calling the cops on you and breaking shit, guess it's up to you what you're going to do. I think in the past you slapped her around a bit. Obviously, you're not supposed to do that anymore so I think it's best to leave her.

I'm not going to pretend like I've been that successful, but I think if you want to maintain a LTR you're going to have to act as if she almost doesn't exist. Frank discussions about anything, even planning your future, are completely useless and should be avoided. You just live your life as if she didn't exist and you'll do fine. I wouldn't cheat, but make sure to enjoy the attention of other attractive females at any opportunity.

Sex is a thorny issue. The second you want sex and she rejects you, the entire relationship dynamic changes. I don't think anyone has a good answer to this. (Lots of people think they do.) My opinion? Give up. Go your own way. Maybe cheat in secret if you have to. But me, forced celibacy is an old friend.

When you start pestering her for sex, you're destroying your SMV. IMO, most marriages and LTRs are sexless (definition is like once a month or less.) If you don't want that, don't have an LTR. That simple. The idea that you're going to turn your wife or gf into a lifelong slut who only wants your cock is an insane fantasy that's never going to happen. Not unless shes a kept woman where you have a lot of money and all the power.

Title	LTR Shit Tests?
Author	Hypnot0ad
Upvotes	10
Comments	21
Date	November 15, 2013 10:52 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1qq2ng/ltr_shit_tests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-shit-tests.138474 https://theredarchive.com/post/138474

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