Do things get better?

fnordsnord · 2015-04-02T19:18:14+00:00

This is the second "I'm suicidal" message I've responded to within three days.

First step: make an appointment to see your doctor. I'm serious. Seem him now, not later. You need to tell him exactly what you told us. Because suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. If you're THAT self-destructive, very little we can tell you will be of any use to you until you get that shit straightened out.

Second - You haven't failed at ANY aspect of life. You can't have failed. You're too young to have even tried. If you're still talking about dorms and classes, you're barely getting started. The worst that can be said about where you are right now is that you've gotten off to a poor start. Barely.

The bad news: life doesn't give "do overs." There's the occasional "mulligan" (close enough) but no "do overs."

The good news: You can start again, RIGHT NOW if you choose.

To begin (after calling your doctor for an appointment - and yeah, I meant RIGHT FUCKING NOW) get out of your dorm room. I don't care where you go, as long as there are PEOPLE. Ideally, fellow men. But ANY people will do. Even if you only make it as far as the Common Room on your floor tonight, go there. Bring a book. Bring a laptop. You don't have to talk to anybody. But you need to be OUT where there are other people. Pick up on the energy and vibe of just being around other people.

Do this for a couple of days. Then head to the gym. If you're in school, they've got one and it's free. Get on the treadmill and walk. Yes, walk. You say you're fat, so your wind is probably poor. You may feel you are not making a lot of progress walking on the treadmill. You are LAPPING the poor bastards sitting on the couch. Do this for a week.

Ask the gym attendant about a class on basic weight lifting. You need an orientation. start light.

I feel like Glenda the Fucking Good Witch of the North when I do this next part:

It's entirely up to you. YOU have the power to change your life for the better. Choose. Then act. If it doesn't turn out well, you choose again, and act again. Make things happen, don't just let things happen to you.

cruyff8 · 2015-04-02T23:30:57+00:00

To quote Jedi Master Yoda,

You must unlearn, what you have learned

So, you are not flunking all of your classes, you fluncked a handful of times in a past life. You had no friends in a past life. You had trouble leaving your dorm room because of your depression. The suicide part you've already put behind you and you talk about letting your family down in the past tense.

You hated yourself and hated your life. You were a fat, stupid, anime watching, video game playing baby that has failed at every aspect of life.

When does it get better? Right now. You've not committed suicide in the past few weeks. That's better. Build on that. Small victories.

You can do this...

GluteusMaximus90 · 2015-04-02T19:28:59+00:00

Dude! Of course things get better.

Depression is a disease not an emotion. Sometimes your brain miss things up, it's not your fault.

See a doctor, try different therapies. I was depressed myself for a while. Meditation was the absolute best medicine in addition to mind changing thoughts.

Read the book "You're not your brain: the 4 steps solution to changing bad habits" Best book ever, pick it now.

Start working out, eat healthier, get your shit together and study for your classes.

Nothing is permanent. It's just a phase. Best of luck.

letmeseeyourrealface · 2015-04-02T19:52:13+00:00

Things will get better, but it will take time. I am in a similar spot (not suicidal though and I have passed the videogaming/anime/porn phase).

Anime is awesome. Videogames are awesome. But for me they hold me back, they keep me in my safe little bubble. So I cut them out. Eventhough both were very important to me.

Now I lift, read books, work on bettering myself, especially gaining more knowledge and figuring out where I want to go with my life.

favours_of_the_moon · 2015-04-02T20:03:15+00:00

The only difference between you and a successful person is that they have tried and failed more times than you. Fuck other people and their expectations. You're at the point where you need to decide what makes your life worth living. Do it!

Meanwhile, stay smart, stay focused and stay mentally tough. It doesn't get better. YOU get stronger.

You can also try some of this: http://www.amazon.com/Plum-Flower-Economy-Size-Wanderer/dp/B0036LMKOO/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1428005033&sr=1-1&keywords=xiao+yao+wan

balalasaurus · 2015-04-02T21:01:12+00:00

You have to realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You've got the idea that the world owes you something. It doesn't. The sooner you accept and internalize that the better off you'll be. You are the source of your own happiness. You are the source of your own success. You are the source of your own motivation. If you don't try then you're not letting anyone down. You're letting yourself down.

In fact scratch that you are letting the world down. You're denying the world and the people around you your own potential. You're a man with agency. With the capacity to mountains and shape your environment. Is it really fair to deny the world that because you don't believe in yourself? The very same self that is capable of so much?

Realize that you have potential. You have what it takes to be better. You CAN be better. You WILL be better. It's not going to be easy. Nothing in this world that's worth anything ever is. But think of how much you'll be able to achieve. Think of the satisfaction you'll have looking back at everything and knowing that you made it happen. Don't give up. You're better than that.

oldredder · 2015-04-03T07:02:55+00:00

Gets better when you make it better. Find things you're good at, take your entire life if you must to do so, then do them. Avoid / ignore things which are wasting your time, adding no value.

Can take a long time. Can take drugs too for your brain to be re-calibrated. Try shrooms, psilocybin. It fixes a shit-ton and doctors don't want to admit that because it's "illegal" (fuck, it's NATURE, it just grows as-is)

Danedina · 2015-04-03T12:27:06+00:00

To answer you question: it gets better, then it worse, then it gets better, then it gets even better, then it gets a little worse, then it gets a lot better, then something bad happens, then something else bad happens, then your day is just okay, then a nice girl smiles at you, but you blow it, and you go home and learn what you did wrong, etc.

You need a system that works for you. I have my best days when I make a list of things to do and carry it around with me. These constant reminders keep me on track and stop me from wasting time. Maybe you need to tie string on your finger. Or maybe you just need a friend who pulls you in the right direction.

It's good you're getting help by seeing a shrink. You clearly need to dump out some emotions. But at some point you need to get control of your life. Don't expect immediate results. These things take time, but there is casualty in the universe. You stack the odds in your favor and see things over the long term and you'll realize that we reap what we sow.

DeputyDelicious · 2015-04-02T18:42:55+00:00

I'm just going to quote some amazing person I ran into recently in another one of these threads. His name is fnordsnord. It will get better, but you have to understand that you have to make yourself better and that is hard.

You can do this friend. We're here if you ever need someone to talk to. Stay strong man.

The first thing to understand it that change is HARD. You are who you are because you are comfortable where you are. You don't say much about what you DO do. But say, you eat potato chips and play console games while sitting on the couch 90% of the time you're not in class. You DO that because it's easy and comfortable, even though you don't like the end result.

If you choose to make changes, understand that they are going to be uncomfortable.

First, give this a read. I don't mean to talk down to you. I realize that this is aimed at guys way younger than you, but it's the clearest introduction to dealing with women I've ever seen. http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/p/the-red-pill-primer-for-boys.html

Once you've gotten through that, find something you like to do that involves other people.

Women are a subset of people, and Game is something that builds on top of knowing how to deal with people.

It doesn't have to be rich in women. It just need to involve other people. I know you're "naturally shy, introverted and not too outgoing." You're going to have to get past that at least somewhat.

Because people don't come to you. You go to them.

Find something you like to do, at least little physical, where you can meet other people. Square dancing. Indoor rock climbing. Martial arts classes. When you're there, make eye contact, introduce yourself. Make physical contact. Shake hands.

First let's get you socialized. Then we'll worry about getting you laid.

[deleted] · 2015-04-02T21:53:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Do things get better?
Author	Heraclitus94
Upvotes	4
Comments	19
Date	April 2, 2015 6:33 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/317wue/do_things_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-things-get-better.147577 https://theredarchive.com/post/147577

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