So here's my story.

I'm 29 and for the past 5 years I have been making 100k/year in IT. I'm 6-7/10 facially and I was 5'10" 135lbs. I had a girlfriend in 2010 that I was with for 9 months before I quit and started fucking hookers. For the past 5 years that is all that I have been doing. I have probably fucked over 200 escorts in this time period. I usually go for the super hot ones (model body, fake DD tits, etc.) that cost $200-$300 an hour. Over the last 5 years my standards in women have unrealistically shifted as a result. I'm not socially retarded but I am introverted. I can be funny but I'm more of a serious guy and this is actually probably a big sticking point for me (I'd rather discuss serious shit than joke around). I'm usually described as a "really good guy" and "interesting to talk to."

Out of these 200, I have dated 5. What I mean by that is that they hang out with me outside of work time for free. All of them have been at least 8/10. One got a boyfriend, one got married, two of them I wasn't into after awhile (too boring and had too much baggage). But I never cared much until the latest one.

I met her about 3 months ago and we hit it off right away. I paid for the half hour but I wound up staying for well over 5. She called me back the next and day and we hung out again. She was really into me and she said she wanted me to be a part of her personal life. I fucked her and pulled out the $300 but asked me to take it back. I saw her a couple times a week like this without paying for anything and it was the happiest time of the last 5 years of my life. She was super hot, model body, fake tits, kind of arrogant (a lot cocky/funny she did that I liked) and she threw a lot of shit tests and I really liked that; it was a challenge. She was super flakey and she'd lie about what she was doing (oh I was just sleeping or oh I was tired) as if I didn't know that she was busy with clients. I didn't care. About a month in she told me she was addicted to oxy's. And her habit was really bad - $300-$400 a day. I honestly didn't give a shit because I really liked her. I've never met anyone like her before and I've never seen her for pussy - I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with her. She tried quitting and went MIA for a week and then she started getting weird. She'd text me at least once a day before and then she kind of went silent. I got needy and offered to pay her for session but she said she didn't want to take my money and that we would hang out soon. Another week went by and I insisted to pay. She accepted. I went to see her and the vibe was a bit different. Because I felt the different vibe, I couldn't joke around or be cool and carefree. I sat her down and asked her to have a serious conversation. Asked her about quitting, whether she was seeing anyone, etc. She told me about her attempt with Suboxone but also said that it wouldn't work and I kinda realized that she'd probably never get off. She also said she went on a date with another client she met 4 days before and that she supposed to see him again next week. My heart kind of sank but I played it cool. I never let the fact that she fucked other guys get to me. She said that we could hang out the next day and that I should stay the night. I texted her the next day but she didn't respond until well into the night. She said we could hang out on the weekend for sure but I didn't reply. She sent another text on monday saying that every time she wanted to hang out she blanked but she totally didn't forget about me. I didn't reply. Haven't heard back from her since.

It's been a month since I have seen her. I have fucked 4 escorts during this time and I have also started hitting the gym. It's not the same. Even the favorite ones that I liked don't have the same feel to it. I felt like I had a real connection with this girl. I'm looking a bit better at 5'10" 145lbs now (better than I have in years) but there is still lots of work to be done. The gym has been helping in taking my mind off bad thoughts, but I miss her immensely. I wake up in the middle of the night to check if she has texted me like she used to. I have dreams about her every time I fall asleep. I cannot get over the fact that I was an average looking guy who was able to pick up a hooker and fuck her for free - there was something about me that made me able to break her rules and have her ASK ME to be a part of her personal life - she liked me for who I was presenting myself as at the time (until she got to know more of me and decided she wasn't interested anymore). I'm struggling really hard not to text her and book an appointment and fuck her perfect body again. I can't stop thinking about her. In the back of my mind I feel like I can get her back if I can become a stronger man.

I'm planning on trying to gain another 15lbs so I look like manlier and try to text her again in 3 months. I know this breaks every rule of TRP and you should all tell me how pathetic all of this is. But this is my story, so have your go at me.